Jan
29
So, I’m reading through my “novel” for the first time, and my initial edits are going swimmingly.
“Why do you put ‘novel’ in quotation marks?” you ask. Good question! Because I’ve read enough real novels in my day to refrain from lumping my first stab at fiction in with the published novels that grace library and bookstore shelves around the globe.
The day an honest-to-goodness publisher pays me money for a work of fiction (a made-up story, as opposed to my other books which are true) will be the day I call myself a novelist.
Anyway.
I mentioned yesterday that one of the main themes of the “novel” is in-laws. Without giving too much away, there’s a part of the book where I explore a little dilemma I like to call What in the World Am I Supposed to Call My In-Laws?
Have you experienced this?
For whatever reason, I have always been very, very intrigued by the names people use to refer to their in-laws (both to their face and when speaking about them to others). And on a related note, how they arrived at their decision.
Do you call your husband’s parents Mom and Dad? Mr. and Mrs.? Richard and Becky? Hey you?
And what about your husband? What does he call your parents? And are both parties okay with it?
Quite a few years ago, I asked friends, family, blog readers, complete strangers to fill out an in-law survey. I asked the “What do you call them?” question, and the (extremely varied) answers had me rolling. Rolling.
(Speaking of those surveys, if you filled one out, chances are you’ll be making an anonymous cameo appearance in my “novel.” Oh, yes.)
And you didn’t ask, but I call Gabe’s parents Rock and Janelle (their first names). It was his mom’s idea. And everybody’s happy with it. And yes, Rock is his dad’s given name.
For the longest time, he didn’t really call mine anything. Then my brother-in-law, Stewart, came up with something brilliant that changed everyone’s lives forever. Bethany, don’t ruin it! It’ll be in the book!
So, tell me:
If you’re married, what do you call your in-laws? What does your husband call his? How does everybody feel about the arrangement?
If you’re not married, but hope to be someday, play pretend. Ideally, what would you call your in-laws? What would your hubby call your folks?
I’m dying to know. (and I just may throw some of your answers into my “novel” just for fun!)
p.s. Thank you SO much for your awesome responses to yesterday’s post! Y’all are the sweetest, most giving people EVER. I’ve boxed up a ton of Blushing Bride books, and I don’t want to stop. Let me know if you want some! Details here. I’ll talk more about all the giving opportunities next week! Have a wonderful weekend!
I was all excited to share what I call my in-laws (your parents), but it looks like I’m not allowed. And as Stephanie mentioned I did call them by their first names at first, but only behind their back. I didn’t call them anything to their faces. That makes it sound like their names are bad words or something…
I’m more comfortable calling them by their first names, but they get disappointed if I don’t call them “Mom” and “Dad” so I try my best.
My husband calls my parents Mom and Dad and it makes my mom soooo uncomfortable. 
I never asked anyone what to call my in-laws, but had always grown up with the idea that when you married you called your in-laws some form of mother and father. I called my MIL Mother and my FIL Dad just as had been done by their own children. My father was deceased by the time I married, but my husband always called my mother Mom because that is what I called her. My children’s spouses all call me Mom which is what my own children call me. Nobody seems to have been troubled by that arrangement. I didn’t realize this is such a touchy issue with so many people.
Jon has always called my parents mom and dad pretty much from the day he met them. They love it.
Totally the opposite for me and his mom though and I’m glad other people have this problem too! I don’t think I’ve ever called her Mollie to her face and when I talk about her I usually say Jon’s mom. And I don’t see me calling her mom any time soon!
I always called my in-laws Mom and Dad. My husband called my parents by “pet” names. I was never sure if he was being funny or sarcastic. My dad’s name was Ralph E. and my mother is Norma L. so of course they became Ralphy and Normal. I don’t know if they appreciated it either! The spouses of our children never called us anything until we had grandkids and now they call us Pops and Oma.
All these years I thought I was the only one who avoided calling my in-laws anything to their faces. But that sounds like I called them something ugly behind their backs…which I didn’t and don’t.
It was awkward before we had kids because we never talked about what they wanted to be called and Mom & Dad just didn’t feel right for me. Plus K’s parents are the age of my grandparents. They’re old enough to be my parents’ parents.
Although it wasn’t the main reason we had children, I was very relieved when our first came along and I had a good reason to call them Granny and Pappy.
I’m SOOOO glad I’m not the only one who feels awkward and doesn’t know what to call her inlaws!
When we got married (11.5 years ago) my FIL told me to call him Alan, so I know I can do that but I generally avoid calling him anything because first names feel weird. When referring to him to other family I call him Alan, though.
My MIL never said anything to me, and given the amount of time I’ve known her (17 years now since we started dating…) I just can’t ask her. And to make it worse she is called by her first name where she lives out of state, and by her middle name here in OH… I finally decided a couple years ago to call her by her Ohio name, or Mom, depending on the situation. Still awkward though.
My DH calls my parents Mom and Dad. He doesn’t seem to have trouble with it. A man thing?
This is a GREAT question!!!
I call my in-laws by their first names. Sometimes if I’m with the kids I’ll call them Mimi and Papa. I could NEVER bring myself to call them mom or dad…because they’re not MY mom and dad. I don’t think they’d be comfortable with that either.
By the way, they totally call me by my nickname, “Mer”. My own parents don’t do that.
Well, I feel kinda weird by calling them by their first names, because I feel like they would want us to call them mom and dad, but I feel TOTALLY weird calling them mom and dad. Our relationship is so not there. So I call them Mimi and Grandaddy (whew). If we didnt have kids, I don’t know what I would do.
My husband calls both my parents by their first names, which they are most comfortable with.
Ooo, I have one you might be interested in putting in your book
I’m on my second marriage, and my husband has a mother and a stepmom. His mother is easily offended so I call her Mom, because I’m sure I’d never hear the end of it if I didn’t. His Dad I call Tony when I speak directly to him, and Granddad the rest of the time (thank you God for children). His stepmom is totally cool, and I call her by her family nickname Cacky. My husband calls my parents by their first names. Which is appropriate, because he’s only 11 years younger than my dad, so “Dad” would be a little over the top.
And I’m totally screwed if my mother-in-law happens to actually read this blog.
In their presence: Grandma and Grandpa (oh, the joys of having kids, it takes away the awkwardness of what to call the in-laws). I, also, was one of the “name avoidance” people before we were married and had kids. In writing: Mom and Pop. Outside of their presence: Frank’s Mom and Dad and sometimes I will use their first names for brevity.
Frank calls my dad “Doc” or “Dad”, which I think is very sweet.
I call my in-laws by their first names and my husband does the same with my parents as well as my grandmas. My husband’s parents divorced when he was very young and his mom died when we had been married only a year. My father-in-law remarried a wonderful woman 20+ years ago (after my 1st mother-in-law had died) and my husband and I call her by her first name. However, when I talk about her to my husband or anyone else, I always refer to her as “Brian’s mom”. She has been a super mother and grandmother to our family. She only has one child that she adopted who is now 35, and he has never married or had kids, so she really enjoys all the grandkids, who call her Grandma Linda.
I decided to call my in-laws by their first names, Bob and Barb, all on my own. I didn’t want to deal with not knowing what to call them so I didn’t wait for permission and took matters into my own hands. Thankfully they are cool with it:) My husband was friends with my parents before we ever even spoke to each other so he has always called them by their first names, Keith and Deedee. Now that is a strange twist to dating!
Easy breezy…Mom and Dad. His people will be my people, ya know? And it has always felt very comfortable!
I have never called my In-laws Richard and Becky (because those aren’t their names) but I might try it… just to spice things up a bit.
I call my father-in-law by his first name, his shortened first name, his first name and middle name (who wouldn’t want to say “Willie Cecil” every now and then?), dad, grandpa, B-O (which is how Bill sounds with an Oke accent) and Pastor Bill.
I call my mother-in-law, Momma, Susie-momma, mom, grandma and grandma-susie.
But most of the time I avoid using people’s names just in case I get them wrong. I just look in their direction instead
I call my in laws Mom and Dad. I honestly had even before we were married….they told me to do it! Sometimes though, I mean I still call them Pete and Angela…buy mostly mom and dad. Drew calls my parents by their names. David, Tonya, Renata, Gene. It just works out best that way I think, especially since my relations with them can be strained. He does call my grandma Kathy, grandma.
We like our arrangement. I think sometimes what you call your in-laws is based on the relationship you have with them. I read plenty of blogs where people don’t get a long with their in laws and most of the time, they call them by their first names. I am different, it’s sad, but true that I have a better relationship with my in-laws than I do my parents – so for me, it’s super easy to call them mom and dad…
Well, this is fun! I’ve been gone all day with 5 of my favorite women (Grandma, Mom, Sister, Niece, Daughter), so I missed all the hives. Hope everyone’s doing okay now!
I call my in-laws by their first names.
My question is, do you tell them that you love them?
I’d also like to add that when the day comes that I have “children-in-law” (ha) I will definitely force them to call me by my first name. I will make them know that its okay. Because it drives me crazy to feel so uncomfortable not knowing what to call my in-laws!
Well, I kinda avoid calling them anything because it is pretty awkward because they have never told me what to call them… and we have been married 2 years… and have been together for 5… and I’ve known my husband and his family for… 8. ha. When i am talking about them to someone, I will call them “Corey’s mom” and “Corey’s dad”. When I am talking to someone in the family about them, it gets a little more tricky, so I call them “Nana” and “Papa” because there are 6 nieces and nephews running around, that’s what they call them and that’s what their parents refer to them as. So, that’s what I call them. It feels really strange and uncomfortable to call them by their first names, for some reason..and I don’t quite understand why.
My husband, on the other hand, who is more outgoing than I am, calls my mom by her first name or occasionally throws in a “Ms” before the name. He calls my dad by his first name. I’m kinda jealous that he doesn’t feel uncomfortable doing it, but I’m glad on the other hand.