My heart always skips a beat any time there’s an e-mail in my inbox that says TAVIANO.COM E-MAIL. This means that it came from the contact form on my website, and 99% of the time, it’s from someone I don’t know who has read one of my books. Thankfully, out of a couple hundred I’ve gotten, only two have been negative. And one of those came this afternoon.
There was no name or reply e-mail address, and since I felt very compelled to reply, I’m posting it here in hopes that she might see it. And by default, you all get to see it as well.
I read your Is That All He Thinks About and was very saddened at the stage your sexual life was/is in. Sex is an act created by God…something beautiful and intimate. I was going to give this to my daughers and ended up throwing it away. I believe there needs to be education, but your book was entirely too graphic and definately not an encouragement as it sounds like all you do is “put up with it” for your husbands sake. If your “crotch throbs like a period gone wrong” your husband needs to get you ready and be willing to be more gentle in his love making. I have been married for over 25 years and have learned many things by talking and exploring with my husband and didn’t need material that is so graphic or almost pornographic to read. I am deeply troubled by your book and praying for your marriage and lives that you influence. Sex is not a bothersome thing it’s the only intimate thing we share as a married couple…it is the glue that keeps a loving and happy home. My prayers are with you.
And my reply:
I am sorry you found the book to be too graphic–I deeply respect your opinion as it is a very personal thing.
However, I’m afraid you must not have read the entire book–or even half of it. You say sex is an act created by God, beautiful and intimate. You say sex is not bothersome, but the glue that holds a home together. I said those very things in the book and believe them with all of my heart. The line you quoted about the painful sex was taken completely out of context. I was 9 months pregnant. My pain had nothing to do with an insensitive husband and everything to do with a baby on the verge of popping out.
Thank you for your prayers for my marriage and the lives that will be influenced by this book. Praise the Lord–I have already heard from hundreds of women whose marriages have been blessed by reading it. (as opposed to only 2–you included–who were disappointed in it)
Please don’t be sad for me. Sex is definitely not something I “put up with for my husband’s sake.” Just ask him! He’d be more than happy to share!
Your sister in Christ,