warning: this blog rated PG-13

My heart always skips a beat any time there’s an e-mail in my inbox that says TAVIANO.COM E-MAIL. This means that it came from the contact form on my website, and 99% of the time, it’s from someone I don’t know who has read one of my books. Thankfully, out of a couple hundred I’ve gotten, only two have been negative. And one of those came this afternoon.

There was no name or reply e-mail address, and since I felt very compelled to reply, I’m posting it here in hopes that she might see it. And by default, you all get to see it as well.

Her e-mail:

I read your Is That All He Thinks About and was very saddened at the stage your sexual life was/is in. Sex is an act created by God…something beautiful and intimate. I was going to give this to my daughers and ended up throwing it away. I believe there needs to be education, but your book was entirely too graphic and definately not an encouragement as it sounds like all you do is “put up with it” for your husbands sake. If your “crotch throbs like a period gone wrong” your husband needs to get you ready and be willing to be more gentle in his love making. I have been married for over 25 years and have learned many things by talking and exploring with my husband and didn’t need material that is so graphic or almost pornographic to read. I am deeply troubled by your book and praying for your marriage and lives that you influence. Sex is not a bothersome thing it’s the only intimate thing we share as a married couple…it is the glue that keeps a loving and happy home. My prayers are with you.

And my reply:

Dear Reader,

I am sorry you found the book to be too graphic–I deeply respect your opinion as it is a very personal thing.

However, I’m afraid you must not have read the entire book–or even half of it. You say sex is an act created by God, beautiful and intimate. You say sex is not bothersome, but the glue that holds a home together. I said those very things in the book and believe them with all of my heart. The line you quoted about the painful sex was taken completely out of context. I was 9 months pregnant. My pain had nothing to do with an insensitive husband and everything to do with a baby on the verge of popping out.

Thank you for your prayers for my marriage and the lives that will be influenced by this book. Praise the Lord–I have already heard from hundreds of women whose marriages have been blessed by reading it. (as opposed to only 2–you included–who were disappointed in it)

Please don’t be sad for me. Sex is definitely not something I “put up with for my husband’s sake.” Just ask him! He’d be more than happy to share!

Your sister in Christ,

46 thoughts on “warning: this blog rated PG-13

  1. Eden

    Thank you for this response! Being an older mama, I was reading this blog as an extreme, and now understand you better. Whew! Wish you could include this as a “P.S.” at the bottom? 🙂

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  15. jonn1

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  17. filledeparis

    Suffice it to say that your book is a resource that can help keep the sex life and marriage glued together! I can assure you that my husband is thrilled that I read it, and took some advice from it–as am I. God spoke to you and through you on those pages, and to many readers! Know that, Marla, and be encouraged.

  18. Anonymous

    Hmm… it was going to her daughters, huh?  Satan obviously didn’t want that.  Maybe it would have blessed their marriage(s) greatly!  Wouldn’t it be cool if someone else ended up giving her girls a copy?

    I know your heart, Marla, and I for one am greatful for people who are willing to take to God ALL of their life AND encourage others to do the same!  People spend years frustrated about things they just need to take to God and receive encouragement on.  Me included.

  19. stephaniedawnbasham

    Wow. I am so very sorry, Marla. And so very outraged at this woman’s perception of your book! I cannot even fathom how she would have come to those conclusions after reading your book (or maybe not actually reading your book).

    Ditto on all the above comments – forget her email and move on. I know you’ll be able to get past it better than I would.

    I love you!!!!

  20. ClutzyButtercup

    That e-mail is a perfect example of how our perspective skews what we hear, read and see.  Sounds like she may have more problems with her own relationship than she even realizes…You have a mighty ministry to Christian women…KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!

  21. jbnygaard

    Pornographic?!?! Can’t imagine what that lady would think of pornography if she saw or read the real thing! I was so thankful for the details about sex you shared in your book and actually was so relieved to hear that some of the things I had/have experienced with sex are normal and I was too embarrased to say or ask any of my friends.

    Don’t let her (Satan) get to you. It was a nice attempt, but your much stronger than to let this tear you down!

  22. faithchick

    ^i agree with all of them.  you can’t please everyone.  but, you’ve certainly pleased that majority.  hopefully someone will dig it out of her garbage.  wouldn’t it be cool if you got an email that says, “My husband threatenend to leave one morning.  I needed to take a walk to cool off.  I found your book sticking out of someone’s garbage….I read it, and we have the best marriage EVER.”  there.  hope that will happen.

  23. mrsnorthern8605

    I have made it through most of your book and I have to say…no where did I find it pornographic. I am a very shy person who doesn’t like to even think about sex and what goes into it. But I never once blushed at what you talked about. I thought you were very encouraging. I have to say, I appreciate your response because I REALLY don’t think I could have been as nice. For ever 100 there has to be someone who will find something negative. Be positive about it all! You are good writer, with a great heart and a great message! 🙂

  24. KmHunsberger

    Unbelievable. I have been thinking about this all night. I don’t know how someone could get such a WRONG idea from your book. Even beyond that, how do Christians, such as this woman, think that it is ok to talk to other believers in ways such as this. What ever happened to building one another up. This woman seriously offended me with this note. Its just awful.

    I think you are great. Forget this…seriously…just lock it away in your memory and never think about it again. She doesn’t deserve a response or another thought. I know your heart…and it is beautiful.

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