“Blogging is hard,” Gabe said to me the other night. After a long hiatus at GabeTaviano.com, he was trying to get back in the blogging groove.
“I do it five days a week,” I said. Stating the obvious. It’s one of my gifts.
“Yes,” he said, “and you are very good at…”
His pause was a little long. Reading pauses–another one of my gifts. “Good at what?” I said.
“I’m trying to think of how to say this in a nice way…”
“I’m listening.” (and bracing my sensitive self so as to minimize hurt feelings)
“Well…” he said. Enough with the pauses, dude. “Like, some people focus on one thing like leadership… or motherhood… but you…”
“Talk about nothing!” I said, putting words in his mouth, but feeling pretty confident they were the words he wanted to say but loved me too much to say them. “You talk about nothing! Every day of the week!”
“No, I didn’t say that,” he said.
“But that’s what you’re thinking.”
“No, you’re really good at…”
“Sucking! I suck really well. Daily!”
“No! You write in…what do you call it… you get all worked up about prayer doulas for a week, and then bam! It’s Traffick Jam! And then bam! Something else. You write in… bursts! That’s it. You write in bursts.”
“Okay,” I said. “Let’s be real here and talk about what’s in my head. Look at my head. Do you see a steady, consistent flow? Do you see smooth, slow, predictable? Or do you see bursts of ADD, lots of excitement and fizzle, a roller coaster careening dangerously around each bend, about to fly off the track?”
“I wasn’t trying to insult you,” he said. “I was actually trying to compliment you.”
“Go ahead and try again.”
“You don’t have… it’s just that you.. with your faith, you don’t go ahead of what God wants you to be. You’re comfortable with not having an agenda. You don’t try to be someone you’re not. However you feel God leading you, that’s where you go. And go and go and go.”
“Oh. Well, thank you. That means a lot.”
I see what he’s saying. Kind of. And as much as I’d like to add some focus and balance to my life, I do find the predictable to be boring. I guess I’d rather live a crazy, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-sweatpants adventure with Christ than know how things are going to turn out.
I don’t have this walking-with-God, living-for-his-kingdom thing down by any stretch. God and I will just have to keep working out the kinks together. But I’m game, and I know he is too.
Anybody with me?