Oct
05
Welcome to YOU Week!
There’s really no Game Plan. I just want to find out a little more about each of you–and give away some free stuff.
Since I have NaNoWriMo on the brain (which I keep inadvertently calling NaNiYoRiMo, because I know a Japanese song with that phrase in it) I thought I’d talk about LoLa today. Some of you might know LoLa by her full name–Love Languages.
You’ve probably heard of Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages. He has one for kiddos too–The Five Love Languages of Children.
A year or so ago, I shared a story about my middle daughter, Ava, who was in first grade at the time. I had been writing notes and putting them in her lunchbox for months when I found out she wasn’t even reading half of them. It crushed me, but then I realized that words of affirmation (at least written ones) might not be her love language. Love language = something others do/say that makes you feel especially loved.
Gabe and I began talking about the 5 LoLas and could only come up with 4.
1.) words of affirmation
2.) acts of service
3.) physical touch
4.) receiving gifts
I had to look up the 5th one.
5.) quality time (apparently, this isn’t mine, or I would have remembered it)
Gabe decided that his is acts of service. “Or maybe physical touch. One of those two.” I reminded him that physical touch does not mean you know. He knew that. He still likes it. But not in public. Gabe’s not a PDA guy.
Mine is acts of service too. Do something helpful for me, and I feel super-loved. Words are okay. Gifts are okay (if they’re something I really needed anyway and now I don’t have to buy it). Quality time = okay, I guess. But selfishly, I like quality time with myself. And touch? Yeah, not so much. I do like hugs, and I give them out frequently. And I do like it when Gabe or my girlies play with my hair–or when my sister Bethany scratches my back. Okay, maybe I like it more than I thought.
I told Ava the next morning that we were going to have a little talk about love languages, so Mommy could figure out how to love on her best.
Me: Which do you like best–when people do things for you…?
Ava: Mmm..hmmm!
Me: OR when people say nice things to you…?
Ava: Mmm…hmmm!
Me: OR when people get you gifts…?
Ava: Yep!
Me: OR when people touch and cuddle you…?
Ava: Mmm…hmmm!
Me: Or when people spend time with you…?
Ava: Yep!
Gabe: (in Brian Regan mode) All favorites! Many much favorites!
So, tell me: what’s your Love Language? And give me an example.
I’m going to choose one random commenter to win a copy of Blushing Bride. And if you’ve been around for awhile and are all Blushinged out, I’ll send it to the person of your choice as a gift from YOU!
Have a great week, friends!
Fun stuff! My love language is acts of service from my family. With friends, it’s quality time. Physical touch is my husband’s top and my bottom. Seems like we should have looked at this before we got married. LOL. I tend to love on him with acts of service and for the most part, he could care less! I relate almost exactly to how you feel about love languages. Quality time with myself…aaaahh!! Can’t remember the last time I was alone at home!
I am quality time and physical touch. When they are combined I feel the most loved. Acts of service is up there too!
The good thing about quality time is it can be combined with other love languages.
Words of Affirmation
Mine is pretty much tied between Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. Mike is definitely a Physical Touch kind of guy.
Mine is words of affirmation…say something nice to me and I’ll be your friend forever!
(Nothing like a last minute entry!!)
I’m a quality time gal… I like spending one-on-one time with people, truly sharing our hearts.
I am pretty tied between physical touch and quality time. I think the physical touch is mostly just what I need from my husband though, and other family and friends would be more quality time with some words of affirmation thrown in. I think I tend to try to show love by gifts…maybe I’m just a big combination of lots of things:)
What a great topic Marla! As a counselor, I talk about this in premarital sessions and with couples constantly! I love learning love languages of my family members too, it’s a boost for our relationships for sure! I’m a quality of time girl. I recall a time when my mom, who is huge gift giver, (despite that not being her love language), gave me 2 (YES, 2) diamond rings for valentine’s day (and yes, I’m an only child). I literally pushed them back to her and asked her to just spend time with me… so, we went to Martha’s Vineyard instead… we both discovered how much we enjoy traveling together and so we do a couple times each year… Dec. 4, 2009, for her birthday, I’m taking her on a cruise to the eastern caribbean! We’re both quality of time people for sure!
Mine would definitely have to be acts of service. As a busy mom I KNOW how hard it is to do nice things for others so it is very much appreciated and always makes me feel loved. However, I do think your LoLa changes as you change and grow in different phases of your life. I wonder what a toddlers LoLa would be, what an interesting thing to look for in a child?
My preferred love language to receive is Words of Affirmation.
However, the love language I tend to give to others most is GIFTS or ACTS of SERVICE.
Oh, dear. Are we going to be taking personality tests and the like this week? Those induce anxiety attacks and hives in me. Which is ironic considering I have a psych degree. I’m not 100% sure what my love language is. I probably need to read the book again.
Alright – I talk about this all the time with my children’s pastor -because he is ALSO my boss and his is Words of Affirmation. However, mine and his wives are both – Gifts!
Who cares if the house is clean for Mother’s Day…. I certainly don’t!!!! 
I wanted a gift… something… a gift…. 
So… he could care less about buying either one of us gifts and getting things for us… however, he then will sit and tell us both how much he appreciates us!
Which to me is “blah… blah…blah….”
Yes… mine is gifts — give me something…. LOVE IT!!!
However, Scott, my husbands, is Acts of Service – one time for Mother’s Day he gave me a CLEAN HOUSE!!! WHO CARES!!!
I also think that the reason mine is gifts… is because that’s how I grew up… people buying things for people ALL THE TIME!
LOVE the LoLas!!
I like words of affirmation – especially if they are sincere. I hate flattery – and I don’t want to be condesended (sp?) to.
Gifts are good – especially when they are personal & you can tell someone took some time to buy more than yet another candle (perhaps by remembering your favorite scent).
Physical touch is nice … but I can go for days on end forgetting to hug or kiss my husband, and if he doesn’t take the initiative, I can live without.
Acts of service almost make me feel like I’m obligated to do something in return. I have a hard time accepting help – too independent!
And quality time is NICE when it isn’t some big social function. I enjoy one-on-one (or two) with my (girl) friends and definitely like to be with just my little family.
SO, all that to say, I’m not really sure!!!?? I guess quality time is the only one I don’t have some fear of!!? LOL
If I had to put one at the top of my list, I’d say acts of service. But it’s only slightly higher than the other four. I took the quiz once and all four except for physical touch were tied evenly. And I thought – but I love physical touch! Why didn’t that come up? Then I realized it was because Daniel’s (my then boyfriend, now husband) main LoLa is physical touch and I read in the book that when you’re getting a lot of one of them, you forget how much you need it because you don’t notice yourself desiring more of it. Interesting. So, yeah. All five for me.
For me, mine is words of affirmation. I grew up in a family where I never got much praise at all – I felt completely inadequate and like I could never ever do anything right or make anyone proud. My mom tried to be loving, but a lot of times, it just didn’t sound like she really meant it and my dad – yah – never heard any true words of affirmation. My siblings always seemed to get them – P and S were straight A students – I was not (I liked my C’s.) and B was the baby of the family. They always were praised and rewarded and got everything they wanted. It wasn’t until I was in college that I finally started feeling like I made my family happy and proud.
So today I think that is why I am always in need of some affirmation and encouragement. I still live with the hurt from that, I put my own self down (my recent put down is that I am a terrible mom). I think that’s why little notes or emails or a call here or there help me tremendously.
In a VERY close second is quality time. And that again goes back to my family and barely spending any time with them…and worrying that my friends pretend to want to spend time with me…
I need love man!
This is so good…it’s really helped me be a better parent to my daughter. Mikayla’s love language is…
1. Quality Time 2. Acts of Service
It has turned our relationship around! It is a awesome book!