Jun
29
I think something might be in the water, because women who haven’t been very sweet to their husbands lately are coming out of the woodwork. Kidding. I know we’ve all always been here. Sometimes we just hide our reality better than other times.
So, we were at Life Group Sunday night, sitting around a pool, taking turns updating the group on our lives. Besides my pal Jen who’s single and Dave (whose wife was at work and is so angelic I’m sure she’s never been mean to him), the general consensus was that marital bliss had been a little hard to come by in the month of June.
This, of course, was the day after the Mini-Van Fiasco of the World. And without dragging anyone’s name in the mud without her permission, I got the most comforting e-mail from the wife-half of the couple we hung out with on Saturday. While I was trying my hardest to cover up all the evidence of my cry-fest with a baby wipe, she and her husband were also coming off of a doozy of a fight (in which she was the primary offender).
Too bad we didn’t just put it all out on the table, but maybe it was better that we just fed giraffes and watched World Cup Soccer instead of conducting a day-long marital counseling session.
Well, then I went to Bible Study/Book Club Monday night, and our book happens to be about being a good wife and mother, so there was some more discussion. And more than one friend had read my blog and thanked me for making them feel normal. And I kind of wished we could all just be nice and wonderful, so that mean isn’t the new normal.
As part of our study, we had to give a list of 7 Wifely Virtues to our husbands and ask them which one they thought we could stand to work on the most. Ha! As we all recovered from their answers, my friend MK found this fun survey written by a Dr. George W. Crane (author, lecturer, educator, doctor of medicine, psychologist) in 1936 that we could fill out about our HUSBANDS.
Dr. Crane self-titled his survey, “The Blueprint to Happiness” and basically, it’s a big chart with 100 items in 2 columns. Your husband gets “merits” for each thing he does in the positive column and “demerits” for those he does in the negative one. Some are worth 1 point, some 5, some 10, and one very special one (Ardent lover–and goes on to give a quite, ahem, vivid description of what this entails) is worth 20 smackeroos.
Here are some things your husband might be doing to earn himself some demerits (remember, this is from 1936): Stares at or flirts with other women while out with his wife. Publicly praises bachelor days. Fails to change socks often enough. Picks teeth, nose, or sucks on teeth in public. Objects to wife’s driving auto (Gabe!). Blames wife for everything that goes wrong. Talks of efficiency of his stenographer or other women. Smokes in bed. Writes on tablecloth with pencil. Argues or curses other motorists. Will not help wife’s relatives as much as his own. Opens his wife’s mail. Boasts about his former conquests. Kisses wife just after her make-up has been applied.
Snicker, snort. Your hubby is looking pretty good, isn’t he?
How about some positives? Points for your hubby if he:
Gives wife ample allowance or turns paycheck over to her. Leaves car for wife on days she may need it. Usually comes home with a smile. Good humored in the morning. Writes often and lovingly when away from home. Willing to go shopping with wife. Attends church or urges children to attend Sunday School. A fast and efficient worker, not the puttering sort. Well liked by men, courageous, not a sissy. Eats whatever is served without grumbling or criticism. Ardent lover (ahem). Gives wife real movie kisses, not dutiful peck on the cheek. Neatly hangs up his clothes on hooks or hangers.
Gabe and I have a Date Night tonight (it’s been for-ever). I’m prayerfully thinking of ways to honor and love him while we’re out, to make him feel special (and glad he married me). I know one thing–we won’t be discussing money or what will happen to our children if we die on the way to Cambodia.
I think we could go a looooooong way in our marriages, girls, if we focused on the good in our husbands and not the negative. Goodness knows my life would stink if Gabe just dwelled on my crap.
So, tell me: What’s one thing you love about your husband?
[...] for updates on this topic.Powered by WP Greet Box WordPress PluginSo first of all, GREAT JOB on the husband complimenting yesterday. Three cheers for you grateful wives, you! If you didn’t have the chance to chime [...]
Oh I love this post. And according to the 1930s test, I am an utter failure. -3. NEGATIVE THREE! I bet it was the red nailpolish that put me over the edge.
marla – i adore you. and the blog i got the 1936 test from – just put up the one for wives. shoot me.
i love that my husband is not too mature to be silly with me. he’ll dance around the house, sing along to veggie-tunes, and humor my constant enjoyment of hobbies a 6 year old might find fun.
he’s a keeper.
love you!
I’m thankful that my husband does not blow things out of proportion like I do, is patient in ways that I am NOT, and is always willing to help out around the house.
And that he loves taking care of our baby so I can go out with the girls (or just go to Target by myself after a long day).
But my VERY favorite thing about him? He neatly hangs up his clothes on hangers. That’s a deal breaker.
My guy is encouraging, helps around the house, the best father ever (I contend that he’s the better parent of the two of us). He works hard at work and home. He plays hard. He makes sure I know that I matter to him. He tells me often that marrying me was the best decision of his life. I could gush on and on, but I feel the urge to go make him an awesome breakfast today!
The way he’s always concerned about spending enough time with us. And with the military, and working on a masters degree (1st year down, 3 1/2 more to go!), and working with our church’s youth group, time is hard to come by. But Ben always manages to play with Emma and suggest a date night for the two of us every once in a while. Couldn’t ask for a better man.
And the way he seeks out and truly values my opinion on anything and everything. Yes, that’s two things, but with this category I think we’re allowed to cheat.
hmm.. wow. there is so much. I guess the most important thing is that he is so patient with me!
**Just about every morning of our 36 year marriage, I’ve awakened to a hot cup of coffee on my nightstand. Free refills.** That was free, not my “one thing”. Still good.
When my dad was dying with advanced colon & liver cancer , Jim sat down with him to comb the Scriptures and let Daddy help plan his memorial service. He asked Dad what he should tell my Mom, my sister and I, and his grandsons; never knowing about this conversation, Jim gave us instructions from Daddy at his memorial service.
Then Jim asked Daddy, “What do you want me to do for you?’, to which Dad replied, “Take care of Katharine (my mom)”. And Jim has. In the last six months, since Mom’s auto accident and subsequent diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, Jim has taken care of Mom. He took her to breakfast to start to prepare her to have to leave her house. He takes her to the beauty salon and back to her apartment twice a week (Tuesdays are 6:30 a.m.). He mowed her yard, cleaned out her gutters, and helped me comb through drawers and closets unbelievably stuffed and cluttered, to get the house ready for market. He found a painter to paint the house and oversaw the project. He took her heavy things out of her house, that she decided she wanted in her apartment. He picks her up for church and keeps up with her when she goes. He calms her down when she’s upset . He picks her up on Friday (and sometimes Saturday) evenings to go out to dinner with us, then sits and helps her order from a menu that overwhelms her, without robbing her dignity. He’s pushed her in a wheelchair when the walking is too much, and held a wastebasket for her when she was too sick to make it to the bathroom. And he still does it, and loves her in a way that she knows it.
Earlier in the year, Jim had the opportunity to put in for a job that, if he’d gotten it, would have given us the chance to move anywhere in a three-state area – in other words, near our granddaughters. I wanted to do this so badly, and when I pushed him, he simply told me, for the first time, about his promise to Daddy to take care of Mom.
Yeah, I love this guy, and he can get a lot of demerits…
He is forgiving, tender hearted and takes such good care of me and Gregory. He gets so excited about life’s simple pleasures. He makes me laugh. He loves me. I am thankful that he cleans, fills up my car with gas and brings me coffee every morning. I love and am thankful for the way he loves Jesus, Gregory and Abigail.
He’s a great listener! I wouldn’t want to listen to myself, but he listens to me no matter what…and I appreciate that!
Girls, I wish I could comment on all of your comments. You’re blessing me so much. Many of your husbands I know (and affirm what you’ve said about them!), many I don’t. Thank you for your thoughtful words, and I hope you’ll pass the sweet sentiments on to the men who need to hear them most (your husbands, if you’re wondering).
I love Jared for his honesty and genuine love for people. He works so hard to provide for his family, and I know that I can tell him anything…no matter how crazy or dumb it might be. I’ve never been so comfortable with another human being. I know this is cliche, but he is my best friend and we get to laugh together all the time.
He follows his dreams with no fear because he knows what convictions God has placed in his heart. His faith inspires me everyday.
Its his loyalty for those in his life that makes me love him. He grew up in a home with very little love or affirmation and his heart for others is just so abundant.
I am truly blessed.
He allows me to pray over him if he’s traveling, or allows me to simply pray over his work situation(s). He also bows his head when the kids & I pray at mealtimes, & makes sure they get to church/are picked up on time if I have a conflict or a need to stay later at church. That’s some support for a man who isn’t so convinced about the Trinity. God loves us thru him all the time.
Oh, he also doesn’t smoke in bed (or at all). And I happen to lurve his Hollywood movie star kisses.
He is a gift, truly. He is a provider, an encourager, a lover, a fighter, a peacekeeper (with a toddler, this is huge), a sweet gentle spirit, a joker, a calmer, a wiper of MANY tears, and a missionary…since he will be in Cambodia with you guys. I love my husband more than anything on this earth, and am SO thankful God took two crazy souls and decided they should be one.
I know I already commented, but I realized the #1 most important, amazing thing I love about my husband…HIS PATIENCE. Seriously, the guy could win a gold medal in patience. We have been married for 3 years and he has NEVER lost his temper with me. I know 3 years isn’t that long, but I have never EVER heard him yell! How amazing is that? Coming from a home where fights and yelling were heard constantly, this is INCREDIBLE to me. And trust me, I am NOT easy to live with…I push so many of his buttons sometimes it’s downright embarassing. And yet he still manages to keep his cool. The man is SUPERMAN I tell you.
i just came back to read these lovey doveys and they almost made me cry. “why i love my husband parties” are FUN!
The comment from Mallory should say from Krysten. Mallory is my sister and used my computer to comment without me realizing it.
I love how hard he works to provide for us. Some weeks he works 60 hours for his company and then does extra work on the side. Even when he’s tired he still makes sure my “love tank” is full.
I loved every bit of your comment, Kelly, Zoo Girl. I think the world of you and Jon, Zoo Boy.