After my last few posts filled with joy and glee, I felt like adding some sort of disclaimer: don’t hate me because I’m so happy. Because really. Who wants to listen to someone gush about how awesome her life has suddenly become?
But I have good news! I’m in a rotten mood right now! Things aren’t really going all that well! I’m grouchy and grumpy and annoyed and irritated and confused and conflicted and frustrated!
There. Do you like me again?
Oh, I jest. Ish.
Except I really am feeling all those awful things. And I can’t really go into super-deep detail, but I can share a few things that are driving me bonks tonight.
1. Some dude rode his super-loud motorbike in the field (owned by a church) behind our house for FOUR STRAIGHT HOURS this evening. I was so close to felling a tree and throwing it in his path. I thought, “Surely, someone not as nice as me will tell him that he is disturbing the peace and ask him to stop.” But NO ONE DID.
2. I have this thing where I can’t stand certain noises, and when I’m tired it MAGNIFIES. My children were reading (READING) this afternoon, and I kept saying things like, “Do you really have to TURN SO MANY PAGES??”
I thought I was getting over this issue. Sigh.
3. Speaking of my girls, they are with me every single second. Every. Single. Second. And I just now realized that even with 11 (ELEVEN) years of public school among the three of them, zero (ZERO) of them involved all 3 girls in school at one time. ZERO.
When Livi started kindergarten, the other two were at home. When Ava started kindergarten, Nina was at home. For four years. When Nina started kindergarten, Ava CAME HOME.
I just need a moment.
Okay, I’m good now.
4. This tortoise thing is causing me some anguish. I love the idea for so, so many reasons. Reason #1: My middle daughter who does NOT love schoolwork of any kind is passionate beyond passionate about turtles and tortoises. But having a pet = loss of freedom and mobility (at least in my mind). Especially one that can live for like a gajillion years.
I’ll leave it at that. And share an update in a few days. Because there will be one.
5. Just when I think I’m totally cool with the trusting-God-to provide-financially thing, I’m not. I recognize all the hospital’s #’s now when they come up on my phone screen. And I swipe down to dismiss the call. I get excited about several checks in one week. And then realize it’s still not enough for everything. And so on and so forth.
But hear this, oh doubting woman. GOD. WILL. PROVIDE.
Thanks. I needed that.
6. I spent some time just being ticked today that the happy, floaty feeling I was experiencing a few days ago seems to have disappeared. As if real life is all about happy, floaty feelings and keeping them happily afloat.
Get over it, chick.
7. A neighbor girl came over tonight trying to sell me an entertainment book. Livi sweetly asked her how she was liking middle school, and she gushed, “Oh, I love it! It’s so awesome! The teachers are so nice! You are TOTALLY missing out!”
Livi played it cool, and said, “No, I’m not.”
I got a big knot in my gut, and it was all I could do not to yell, “Nobody tells my children they are TOTALLY MISSING OUT!! And besides! We’re getting an African Sulcata tortoise! Because I’m the BEST MOM EVER! YOU’RE THE ONE MISSING OUT!!”
Wouldn’t that have been mature? (Or at least funny.)
What in the heck? Whatever happened to being confident in your own decisions and not worrying what other people do?
I think I feel a little better now. Got all those CAPITAL LETTERS and EXCLAMATION POINTS out of my system.
I’m ready to face another day.
So, how are you doing today? Bubbly and gleeful? Grumpy and annoyed? Something else? Oh, and hey, let me know if I can pray for you.