where's the bubbly when you need it?

After my last few posts filled with joy and glee, I felt like adding some sort of disclaimer: don’t hate me because I’m so happy. Because really. Who wants to listen to someone gush about how awesome her life has suddenly become?

Not me.

But I have good news! I’m in a rotten mood right now! Things aren’t really going all that well! I’m grouchy and grumpy and annoyed and irritated and confused and conflicted and frustrated!

There. Do you like me again?

Oh, I jest. Ish.

Except I really am feeling all those awful things. And I can’t really go into super-deep detail, but I can share a few things that are driving me bonks tonight.

1. Some dude rode his super-loud motorbike in the field (owned by a church) behind our house for FOUR STRAIGHT HOURS this evening. I was so close to felling a tree and throwing it in his path. I thought, “Surely, someone not as nice as me will tell him that he is disturbing the peace and ask him to stop.” But NO ONE DID.

2. I have this thing where I can’t stand certain noises, and when I’m tired it MAGNIFIES. My children were reading (READING) this afternoon, and I kept saying things like, “Do you really have to TURN SO MANY PAGES??”

I thought I was getting over this issue. Sigh.

3. Speaking of my girls, they are with me every single second. Every. Single. Second. And I just now realized that even with 11 (ELEVEN) years of public school among the three of them, zero (ZERO) of them involved all 3 girls in school at one time. ZERO.

When Livi started kindergarten, the other two were at home. When Ava started kindergarten, Nina was at home. For four years. When Nina started kindergarten, Ava CAME HOME.

I just need a moment.

Okay, I’m good now.

4. This tortoise thing is causing me some anguish. I love the idea for so, so many reasons. Reason #1: My middle daughter who does NOT love schoolwork of any kind is passionate beyond passionate about turtles and tortoises. But having a pet = loss of freedom and mobility (at least in my mind). Especially one that can live for like a gajillion years.

I’ll leave it at that. And share an update in a few days. Because there will be one.

5. Just when I think I’m totally cool with the trusting-God-to provide-financially thing, I’m not. I recognize all the hospital’s #’s now when they come up on my phone screen. And I swipe down to dismiss the call. I get excited about several checks in one week. And then realize it’s still not enough for everything. And so on and so forth.

But hear this, oh doubting woman. GOD. WILL. PROVIDE.

Thanks. I needed that.

6. I spent some time just being ticked today that the happy, floaty feeling I was experiencing a few days ago seems to have disappeared. As if real life is all about happy, floaty feelings and keeping them happily afloat.

Get over it, chick.

7. A neighbor girl came over tonight trying to sell me an entertainment book. Livi sweetly asked her how she was liking middle school, and she gushed, “Oh, I love it! It’s so awesome! The teachers are so nice! You are TOTALLY missing out!”

Livi played it cool, and said, “No, I’m not.”

I got a big knot in my gut, and it was all I could do not to yell, “Nobody tells my children they are TOTALLY MISSING OUT!! And besides! We’re getting an African Sulcata tortoise! Because I’m the BEST MOM EVER! YOU’RE THE ONE MISSING OUT!!”

Wouldn’t that have been mature? (Or at least funny.)

What in the heck? Whatever happened to being confident in your own decisions and not worrying what other people do?

Anyway.

I think I feel a little better now. Got all those CAPITAL LETTERS and EXCLAMATION POINTS out of my system.

I’m ready to face another day.

So, how are you doing today? Bubbly and gleeful? Grumpy and annoyed? Something else? Oh, and hey, let me know if I can pray for you.

50 thoughts on “where's the bubbly when you need it?

  1. Ty

    This one struck a cord (nerve?) with me:

    “6. I spent some time just being ticked today that the happy, floaty feeling I was experiencing a few days ago seems to have disappeared. As if real life is all about happy, floaty feelings and keeping them happily afloat.
    Get over it, chick.”

    I’m also finding myself recently looking for those “happily afloat feelings” from “long ago”, wondering where they’ve gone. Then tonight, a revelation: They come. They go. C’est la vie, right? So, now I say to myself, “get over it, chick”. Well, perhaps with a little less “chick”.

    Thanks for the gut-check!

  2. Jeanine

    I love this post, Marla – you are too funny! I have a saying, which is “Oh well, such is life.” I didn’t realize I said it so much until my daughter started saying it also. The good thing is that she knows I won’t get bent out of shape if she makes a mistake or whatever, because, well, such is life:).

    Tell Livi that she’s not missing out on a thing in middle school. My oldest son went for a few months, and the main thing we missed out on was sleep, both worrying about what the coming day would hold, staying up too late to do homework, and having to get up too early in the morning!

    Also, I’m with you about pets, but our daughter talked us into a red-eared slider turtle last year, and of course, the initial cost was only the beginning. We also had to buy an aquarium with special lights, food, etc. but she wanted to spend her Christmas money on it, so we agreed. Interestingly enough, that turtle is really entertaining! He comes swimming over to greet you everytime you walk by, and of course, to ask for food. We really get a kick out of him. Do find out everything you can before making the investment though. For instance, we didn’t know that turtles keep growing and growing, and need bigger tanks as they grow. Also, if you have two, they will fight to the death if there isn’t enough room for both. Also, I didn’t realize that they can live for 20+ years! Still, we are enjoying him, and as long as my husband helps my daughter clean the aquarium…

    I know what you mean about having a child with you every single second. I’ve had at least one home with me for the last 28 years. The way I’ve managed is to have some quiet time every afternoon for a couple of hours. Usually, they did/do assigned homeschool work from the morning, or sometimes just reading, but we’re almost always in separate rooms. When we come back together, we’re glad to see each other again!

    Also, we had the same problem with some kids riding motorbikes in the back of our yard/common area. You may try calling the police or just going out back and staring at them. It worked to some degree for us, I think. Thankfully, they finally moved, which leads to another one of my favorite sayings, “This too shall pass!”

    Anyway, thanks for your authenticity. I love a church sign I saw one time, “Be kind to everyone you meet, because everyone you meet is fighting a battle.” So true!

  3. Becca

    I love you friend . . . and I’m praying for you – and also, I cannot even remember the last time I felt “bubbly” and happy πŸ™‚

  4. Claudia Porpiglia

    So glad you posted this today. I am in the most amazing job using things I have learned as a mom of a severely disabled child to help others who have no one to help them and I feel like a failure some days. Crazy, simple things can totally obliterate the euphoria of a major victory. Insecurities come in and I find myself groveling out of fear. So dumb, so unnecessary but oh so human! πŸ™‚

  5. Lazarus

    The fact the you got on here and worked out your issues for us to see is very refreshing. When you write posts like this, it is compelling, because we out here all have various things weighing on our minds that we may think are crazy to think, or insignificant…your post today lets me know that I am not alone in this mixed up, imperfect world.

    #5…No need to say anything beyond what you wrote.

    Lovin’ your blog.

  6. Rachelle

    I’m not sure where I a today. Somewhere between gushing thankfulness and what the heck was that?

    Today is self therapy day. I drove my son’s, Blake, pickup to work today and parked it in the same place as last friday. Then I breathed. Last friday the pickup was stolen, while with me at work! The guy had stolen another vehicle 2 hours away and ran out of gas about a mile from me. Thief dude drove 500 miles to Kansas before police pulled him over for going 50 in a 30. Upon which they discovered, only hours earlier, the pickup had been stolen in New Mexico!

    I feel extremey thankful that I didn’t have a confrontation with the thief. Because we live so far from anywhere(45 minutes to police protection) we have a personal policy to leave keys in our vehicles. If someone is here to steal they are desperate and we don’t want to endanger our lives for a thing. On the other hand I’m having to work to master my feelings of fear and insecurity. I know God is faithful, as he’s proven again over this past week. But wow!

    I am reminded that this is the only hell I will ever know. For thief dude, if he doesn’t know Jesus, then this is the only heaven he will ever know. I cannot fathom living an existence of such hopelessness. I pray that God will intervene in his life and grant him repentance,grace, mercy and ultimately peace. Meanwhile I’m gonna hop over to the jail and put some money on his incidentals account. That’s the least I can do for someone that is living in such dire need of a savior.

    1. Marla Taviano

      Oh, wow, friend. What an amazing story. Can’t believe you’re putting money in his account. Talk about obeying Jesus and loving on people in prison! AND forgiving those who harm you. Thanks for being such an example!

      1. Rachelle

        I don ‘t know if I ‘m being an example or not! Already got told I better be careful…whatever… I don ‘t plan to have a face to face. I plan to anonymously give over a tiny shekel of what isn’t mine anyway. I ‘m only the manager (:

  7. Marcy

    Ah Marla, You are human after all…:-) Praying for you right now. I am having crappy days too despite my effervescent optimism that surely after a crappy week last week I would have a fantastic (health) week this week. LOL! It turns out my crappy week had repricussions (sp?) and I am feeling them this week. Despite that, I see God at work, as I am sure you do too.

    I have a little turtle envy though…

  8. Jen Griffin

    You can do it, Marla! πŸ™‚ There may be a slight tortoise obsession going on one of the new blogs! That is HUGE commitment. Would she settle for a small turtle? With traveling and any commitment you might make for another 52 trip…Yikes!

    just wait…in a few weeks the neighbor girl will be back and wishing she was home schooled too! That happens to us all the time. In our old neighborhood the kids would all be over after school because they wished they had parents that gave them more attention. They always told us how they wished they were schooled at home. These kids had some not so good home stuff going on.

    Breath in and breath out. Praying God will provide!!! WOuld the hospitals lower your rate for using cash? I know some greatly adjust payments if you beg.

    OH….if you even would make a button for your blog I’d love to put it on my blog. Not that I’m popular in the blog world but, still. I’m sure many of your readers would.

    1. Marla Taviano

      Thanks, Jen! We’re slowly trying to work with the hospitals, so we’ll see. I’ll ask Gabe about a button. He’s re-designing my blog here in a bit, so maybe he could do something fun like that.

  9. Addie

    Marla, you are awesome – I love that you dont have to be one of those sappy bloggers whose every day is perfect and blissful (as if that really happens)… you are honest and beautiful and thank you for representing moms who get a little harried and crazy from time to time… hope your week picks back up…. its almost Friday, right? πŸ™‚

        1. Ben

          Me too. There are many times I look (and almost mouse over to) the imaginary β€˜like’ button just to the right of the grey reply buttons.

          Now that Gabe’s finished the kids’ blogs… [kidding].

  10. Sharon

    I love how Livi answered the other girl! Seeing as that girl has never been homeschooled by you, she has no clue that she is the one missing out. Since your kiddos have done both public school and homeschooling, they can actually have a valid opinion on the fact that they are not the ones missing out.

    We’re in the “life sucks right now, why does everything go wrong at one time” boat at the moment. You can pray for my husband and I to be in agreement on anything. Seriously, if we could agree on one.single.thing it might make things seem less gloomy.

    P.S. The motorcycle guy? Pretty sure after 4 hours I would have called the Police. Though I don’t know if what he was doing was illegal. Owned by the church, so is it considered private property?? I’ve never called the Police on anyone, but noise drives me crazy (esp if it disturbs sleep) and I just could not have handled it.

    1. Marla Taviano

      I told Gabe to go out and pretend he was the pastor of the church. Then I said, “Our luck, he’s probably the pastor’s son.”

      “Or the pastor!” Livi said. πŸ™‚

  11. Chris

    Not that it will make some of the things in your blog easier but turtles and tortoises are really great pets, we have had both. They actually develop cute little personalities. Our turtles begged for food, stretched out their little heads to listen to you talk and were never in their shells because we loved them so much they lost their fear of people. After awhile they were so fat I dont think they could get in their shells if they tried. The tortoise loved to have his neck pet like a dog. The tortoise and turtles did rounds in the elementary school using a ven diagram to teach the difference. They were dropped, heard screams of fear and excitement and passed around and around and never once bit or even went in their shells. I Heart Tortoises and Turtles!

    Chris

  12. Stephanie

    It’s 5:45am, in 45 minutes my hubby is going to drop me off at Greyhound, so I can spend 10 hours on a bus and in sketchy bus stations, so I can spend yet another week without him, this time visiting my family, some of whom I don’t have great relationships with.

    Nope… not bubbly and gleeful here either. I just want to go back to bed.

    1. Rachelle

      Wow,that sounds tough. I admire you for apparently taking a risk to see your family, you never know what good may come of your visit.

  13. Brooke

    have had a few up and down days here and there, but i’m thankful that i’m mostly up. (despite the 2 mortgages we’re currently juggling, as well as doubts if moving really is the right thing for us).

    i’m an immature enough of a believer (really – after 20+ years of it? really. *sigh*) that i need the up days to remember how blessed I truly am.

  14. Melissa

    I loved your blog post today! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Wouldn’t it be fun if we all did that sometimes? πŸ™‚
    As for the motorbike, I would have been thinking the same thing as you were. 2. I have the same problem with some noises. Mine is when people are chewing, yes you read that right chewing their food. Sometimes I just feel their chewing is so loud. When it probably is not. Don’t even get me started on when people chew gum with their mouth open. (although I think that is a rational annoyance) 3. I can completely understand what you are saying about your girls being with you every second of the day. I’d love to have them over sometime. Nina and Maggie can play and the Ava and Olivia and I can do something fun and crafty. And you can have a little time by yourself. Let me know. πŸ™‚ I hope you have a great day!! Thinking and praying for you. Sorry this got so long.

  15. Cheryl Pickett

    Aww hang in there. I’ve never met anyone yet whose life was all unicorn and rainbows (or whatever your equivalent is). So that actually kinda makes you normal :-). Normal’s okay right? If you don’t expect either situation, but rather take the days as they come, maybe it will be a little easier.

    I totally get the med bills thing. It’s been about 2 years since it was thought that Dave had a heart attack. He didn’t, pretty sure anyway, but took 2 trips to the ER and lots of tests to find out. Still paying down the copays but we chip away at it as best we can and though I’d like it paid off, it won’t be for a while and I’ve learned to be relatively at peace with that. Just means a bigger Hooray when we do right?

    And since you volunteered…I recently got a really strong message from God (not a weird woo woo kind of thing) letting me know that I should return to books and publishing and such. So while I’m moving forward, fear and insecurity is still creeping in. Your support in prayer would be great. BTW, if you still have your copy of my book, I’ve been told it’s great for homeschool science.

    Well, since my reply is almost as long as your post, think it’s time to stop now :-).

  16. joyce

    Well, I think what you’ve expressed could be the inside of many a mom’s head : ) Different situations but the same sense of I’m queen of the world one minute and AAAAAGH! the next.

    I will add that our next door neighbors, who I like very much (the mom and I are in a bible study together) have dirt bikes. We are in a neigbhorhood, a quiet neighborhood in fact, but it happens to have woods behind our house. Her boys varrooom those bikes for hours at a time and it seems like its always when we are sitting down to dinner or have guests on the patio. Other neighbors feel like I do, they should be banned in the neighborhood! When it came up in a gathering recently my neighbor said oh call me any time its bothering you. That’s awkward. Oh-sorry to go off on this but maybe it helps to know you’re not alone : )

    Also, middle school will not be awesome every day for your daughter’s friend either so keep calm and homeschool on.

  17. Ruth

    I have been having up & down days, so it’s nice to read that you do that as well. That would have been hilarious if you yelled that at the neighbor kid. And I would’ve been ticked at that bike rider as well. Would’ve wanted to call the cops but probably wouldn’t have. I am grumpy at myself a lot lately. I am so huge (36 weeks! Yeah!) that I can’t do anything my mind wants to do. So I get annoyed. And my kids know I can barely discipline them so they’re literally bouncing off the walls all day. Sigh. But I remember this stage won’t last. Praise God for that!

  18. Andrea

    I needed this today. In fact, I just posted my on state-of-Andrea bit. Definitely not bubbly and gleeful. I definitely get #2 from your list! I am the same way, and it intensifies so much during times of stress, lack of sleep, too many things going on at once, etc. Sometimes I think if I just “see” where the noise is coming from, I can cope better. For instance, if I hear a particularly noisy cricket and can find it and see it in all its magicalness and specialness, I can kind of go on about my day and let it keep chirping. May you see the specialness tomorrow.

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