… dig deeper! That’s my philosophy! My lame-brained, beyond ridiculous, when-will-I-EVER-learn philosophy.
Saturday the older two girls and I went to the library where I snatched up as many books as I could carry. Probably around 30. The (give-or-take) breakdown? 4 books on Heaven, 6 novels, and 20 books on writing.
I walked in the door giddy as all get-out. And then I got a little reality check. Gabe was holding a puking Nina on the couch, for starters. And once we got that all better, I finally went to find a place to stack my new library treasures, and got reality-checked again.
There was no place for the books. Why? Because my desk was a symbolic picture of my mind and life. Stacks and piles, 35 different things started and not finished. You think I exaggerate?
A pile of Christmas cards (some half-addressed and stamped, some not), a stack of bills due, a number of scrawled lists scattered here, there and all over, a partially-finished Zoo Book manuscript, a million receipts for our taxes (thought I’d get a jump start on them halfway through our stomach flu), opened Christmas cards flung to and fro, unopened mail, papers I’ve been meaning to sort through, journals that hold juicy nuggets that I might need for one of the books I want to write…
And then there was the half-undressed Christmas tree (yes, it’s real, and yes, it’s dead), all the dirty dishes (most days I’m fine with not having a dishwasher), laundry in various stages of done-ness.
I promise you there’s more, but I don’t have the oomph (I hear you amen-ing) to elaborate.
I have a million things on my plate, ideas in my head, germs to get rid of, what have you, so what do I do? I go to the library and check out 30 books I don’t have time to read!
I’m always doing things like this, to my complete disgust.
Speaking of complete disgust, six hours later I was puking my brains out.
Oh, poo. I so meant to be done talking about that.
Not sure where to go from here. I’m ready for life to get back to “normal,” but I don’t know where to start. The dishes are done, but that’s about it.
Maybe I should just try to be still and listen for God’s voice.