that girl who's always honest

Hey! Wouldya looky here? It’s a blog post! From me! This is going to be so great! And maybe the teensiest bit predictable. I’m either a.) going to tell you how awful things are right now or b.) how things are LOOKING UP!! or c.) blog about farting or writing bumps or zoo trips so as to avoid talking about how I really feel.

I would totally subscribe to this blog if I were you. Because wow.

Here’s the deal. (see? predictable!)

I spend a very large amount of energy these days (like the past 18 months) trying to talk myself out of being a.) bitter or b.) discouraged or c.) done or d.) all of the above plus a big fat hill of beans.

I’ve been seeing a lot of quotes lately about “right when things suck the worst, get ready! because awesome!” So, there’s that.

But also I sometimes wonder if it always works out that way.

(It doesn’t.)

I’m not God, so I guess I really don’t have the right to see how everything fits together for good when so much of it seems POINTLESS.

Like checks that are supposedly in the mail and were supposed to have arrived days ago but didn’t and subsequent overdraft fees that never should’ve happened.

I don’t get it.

And things like bug problems (of various kinds) + water in the basement (why do I keep a pile of blankets on the basement floor again?) + accidentally deleting important e-mails + vicious cramps (gone now—whew!) + really flared-up sciatic nerve (owwwwww!) + some disappointing news + things that just aren’t working out + blah blahbity blah.

And THEN. The blessings. Unexpected rays of joy and happy right in the midst of bluh and crap.

A morning babysitting job to finance the afternoon festivities at Camp Nina. An upcoming road trip with a sweet kindred friend I hardly ever get to see. Found some $ in a random wallet (of my daughter’s) when I thought I’d already borrowed all her $. A free book in the mail. A friend telling me she has a little something for me. Puzzles and games and movies with Nina. Monsters University! Delicious backyard-grown veggies popping up like crazy. A second chance to send in late paperwork. Some free meds (after paying $55/week for 7 pills for 6 months). A phone call about an averted tragedy–praise you, Jesus!

And so on and ooooooooooooooooooooooon.

The weather has been a perfect metaphor for my life lately. Rain rain rain rain rain rain THUNDER THUNDER THUNDER. Sunshine!! Beautiful sunshine!! Rain rain THUNDER THUNDER. Sunshine! THUNDER! Sunshine!! Rain rain rain rain rain rain rain sunshine!

Goodness.

I guess the point of this post is that yes, I know I’m an honest, relate-able gal who makes people feel better when she airs her crap, but hoo boy, aren’t we all just getting a little bit tired of the drama?

I know I am.

I’m trying to re-adjust my perspective a bit and figure out where to go from here. I want to be thankful. I want to trust. I want to dare and dream and take big leaps. And I want to learn to be patient (okay, re-phrase that: I want to want to learn to be patient).

So there you go.

I like you people, and I’m so thankful for you. I’ll be back someday (the new and improved me), and there will be big prizes and smooches for anyone who stuck this thing out with me. Mwah!

28 thoughts on “that girl who's always honest

  1. Sharon

    Marla,

    I adore you! I love your honesty and I laughed my way through reading this post last night, then read it again this morning. And laughed. I hope that doesn’t come across the wrong way. I’m basically trying to say that I find you hilarious. Not your situation hilarious, but the way you write, oh my, like I said, laughed my way through the post. Twice.

    Praying for you. Esp in the middle of the night last night.

    1. Marla Taviano

      Thank you for praying!! For reals!! And I clearly have you to thank for the fact that I went to bed in serious pain (sciatic nerve), fell asleep quickly, and had no pain all night (was up quite a bit the night before) and woke up pain-free. MIRACLE. (The pain has come back today, so keep praying if you’d like!) 🙂

  2. Addie

    Im still here… and I wrote a review of your book, in case you missed it.

    I feel like we are such kindred spirits – Im a cynic and a realist and like to be prepared for the worst, so its usually what I feel the deepest when it comes, and I struggle to not stay depressed…. but lately, God has been changing my heart – showing me a glimpse of what others are going through
    – a friend had her husband just up and walk out on her last week and she hasnt seen or heard from him since
    – a friend who adopted is now having to give that child up, all while struggling with a breach baby that wants to come too soon
    – an adoptive mom just celebrated the birthday of her adopted son who passed away just a week after bringing him home

    I seriously cant imagine being in their shoes, God has them walking through alot right now… so I get to see my situation from the inside out… how really any one of so many people would love to swap my hard for theirs right now.

    Big hug to you my friend…. just keep swimming, just keep swimming… love you

  3. cyndee

    Have you read “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp? Oh. my. word.

    (If you have and have blogged about it, ignore this. My brain = sieve. 🙂

  4. Shannon

    I want to want to be patient, too! Your honesty is what gives your voice so much credibility. We ALL live where you are, even if some of the details are different.

    Praying for you, friend, and thanking God for you as well. Hugs from Maine (great road trip destination….. After the 3 hours on 95 where it’s nothing but trees and “moose crossing” signs.)

  5. Hannah

    This is when I hate the ‘global village’ and wish I lived in your hometown so I could swing by and help you!
    I know you don’t enjoy writing through the hard stuff, but revealing it all helps me pray specifically for you.
    Definitely praying and loving you Marla
    xxx Hannah

  6. Rachelle

    You are authentic and highly beloved!! And I totally want to know where you’re headed on the road trip. I’m going on a girl road trip in 2 weeks!!

    Rachelle

  7. Gretchen

    Gurrrrl, the “old you” doesn’t need improving. God finished that at the cross. You are a new creation, and fearfully made in His image. I know you know this. Sometimes…things just suck for a while. It’s as simple as that. They sucked for Jesus and His disciples, and they suck for us. But here’s the thing: His grace really IS sufficient. And His power really IS made perfect in my weakness. I would much rather be friends with a real person than a happy Christian image. Sometimes, we have to put on our life vests, and wade thru the River of Suck until God turns the boat back over for us and hands us an oar. But here’s the thing…he waded thru it first.

    Hope this doesn’t sound too…I don’t know…out there or whatever. But the long and the short of it is…Gurrrl, you are loved. <3

  8. Elizabeth

    Friends are with you through it all, Marla. No one who loves you is tired of hearing about your ups and downs. I wish I lived closer so I could do what I know how to brighten your day!

      1. Melissa

        Praying for you, friend! Wish I had more words of wisdom, but I don’t. I do know you have so many that care for you and God’s grace is there for us. In VBS this year that was our theme, God’s Grace, we can’t earn it and we don’t deserve it but God gives us His grace.

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