This is my second stab at this post, because my first was full of angst and made me wince to read it. Hopefully this one is more palatable.
I did not have the best day.
It started out GREAT, if not early. My mama called at 2:30 am to tell me that this little beauty had arrived (my newest niece, Mia Noelle). I am so in love with her already and praying that I’ll get to meet her while she still has that adorable newborn look, smell, feel and cry. (Please, Lord, please!)
So, that was 2:30. It all went downhill from there.
Nothing that happened was my fault. That’s the good news. The trouble is, while I can’t choose my circumstances, I CAN choose my reaction. And I chose the WRONG reaction. Over and over and (sickeningly) over again.
I won’t share all the sordid details, but I very nearly did NOT survive one of the worst nights EVER with one of our children. It was so horrible. Again, it started out as all her and her issues. Then I must have decided it would take too much effort to handle her in a patient, godly, calm manner, and I exploded. She’s forgiven me, God has forgiven me, but man. I feel like I’ve been emotionally shredded.
Thank you to those of you who prayed, because things drastically improved (then got bad one more time). Now everyone is in bed and hopefully very near sleep. New mercies in the morning–praise the Lord!
Got my world rocked just a bit this afternoon. The retreat I thought I was speaking at on February 12th is actually on February 5. YES, THE DAY AFTER FEBRUARY 4TH. Thank goodness the miscommunication wasn’t my fault, and I’m still available to go. But I’m not at all prepared and praying for the biggest epidural God has on hand.
Add in a couple disappointments, a couple frustrations, and this, that and the other thing, and I just want to quit.
Quit what, you ask? Oh, I don’t know. Just quit.
I was actually thankful tonight for a sinkful of dishes so I could take a breath and ask God to please calm my heart in the midst of what (to me) feels like a lot of trials.
But then I spent 90% of the time bemoaning my pitiful existence.
I think I’m on the upswing, but I would love your prayers. I know it’s the only chance I’ve got to survive this weekend. And motherhood. And life.
And maybe you could share something HAPPY from your day. That would make me smile.