Feb
04
This is my second stab at this post, because my first was full of angst and made me wince to read it. Hopefully this one is more palatable.
I did not have the best day.
It started out GREAT, if not early. My mama called at 2:30 am to tell me that this little beauty had arrived (my newest niece, Mia Noelle). I am so in love with her already and praying that I’ll get to meet her while she still has that adorable newborn look, smell, feel and cry. (Please, Lord, please!)
So, that was 2:30. It all went downhill from there.
Nothing that happened was my fault. That’s the good news. The trouble is, while I can’t choose my circumstances, I CAN choose my reaction. And I chose the WRONG reaction. Over and over and (sickeningly) over again.
I won’t share all the sordid details, but I very nearly did NOT survive one of the worst nights EVER with one of our children. It was so horrible. Again, it started out as all her and her issues. Then I must have decided it would take too much effort to handle her in a patient, godly, calm manner, and I exploded. She’s forgiven me, God has forgiven me, but man. I feel like I’ve been emotionally shredded.
Thank you to those of you who prayed, because things drastically improved (then got bad one more time). Now everyone is in bed and hopefully very near sleep. New mercies in the morning–praise the Lord!
Got my world rocked just a bit this afternoon. The retreat I thought I was speaking at on February 12th is actually on February 5. YES, THE DAY AFTER FEBRUARY 4TH. Thank goodness the miscommunication wasn’t my fault, and I’m still available to go. But I’m not at all prepared and praying for the biggest epidural God has on hand.
Add in a couple disappointments, a couple frustrations, and this, that and the other thing, and I just want to quit.
Quit what, you ask? Oh, I don’t know. Just quit.
I was actually thankful tonight for a sinkful of dishes so I could take a breath and ask God to please calm my heart in the midst of what (to me) feels like a lot of trials.
But then I spent 90% of the time bemoaning my pitiful existence.
Spare me.
I think I’m on the upswing, but I would love your prayers. I know it’s the only chance I’ve got to survive this weekend. And motherhood. And life.
And maybe you could share something HAPPY from your day. That would make me smile.
wow! sounds like a whole lot is going on! hope all is well and that you made it up there okay. Hope you bless the socks off of those ladies.
Birthday make me happy.
hmmmm. something happy…..well it was my birthday the day you wrote this and it’s actually turning into more of a birthday weekend….I love it!!!
Happy from my day…..I got my first package at my new house and it was from you! I have a special idea for the books too. I have sweet friends who mentor you engaged couples. I’m going to give them the book to give to the next 4 brides they mentor. Thank you!! Oh and praying, you’ll do great, I just know it. Let God speak through you, He always shows up!
I too was a little bit strong willed (I know it is hard to believe) and my mom and I had many many many fights. And we, um, still exchange words every once in a while.
But now – Happy news – she has been in Egypt for 2 weeks and she gets home Sat night and I AM SO EXCITED BECAUSE I LOVE MY MOMMY SO MUCH!!!
Ahh, Marla, thanks for your honesty. It’s so comforting to know everyone has those days, weeks.
Ava always says that chocolate chips make her happy. She eats one and says, “that makes me happy mommy.”
Well, the good news is that you are emptied and therefor ready to be filled up by God.
But I am praying for God to fill you up with HIM the next 24 hours. Enough time to have HIS goodness pouring out of you and onto others 
I know. So cliche and *puky* when you are in the pits of despair