I don’t really blog much anymore. It kind of sucks.
But it’s kind of okay too.
Gabe told me the other day, “I think you need to start blogging again.”
I looked up at him under raised eyebrows. “Um, what? You live here too, right? You know what our lives are like, right?”
“Yeah, but you don’t have to blog about that. You can blog about other stuff.”
“You know I’m not good at–and don’t want to–pretend like things are all happy so I can write about books and homeschooling and the weather and whatever, like everything is fine here and all that.”
So, how are things going right this very moment?
Good. Well. Can’t complain. Wouldn’t if I could.
This has been the hardest six months of our lives. We’ve been pretty much broken. Sifted like wheat, like Peter once was. Lots (and lots and lots) of days where I said, “Okay. That’s it. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. Not for one more minute.”
And then? New mercies.
Right this moment? Two of our kiddos are at a friend’s house. One isn’t feeling well and is playing games on Daddy’s computer. Gabe is at a doctor’s appointment and then heading to the gym to work out.
And I feel full–FULL–of hope.
We had our second counseling appointment yesterday. Gabe went a handful of times and then stopped, and now we’re going together.
Best move ever.
It’s going to be so good for us. It already has been. And the devil hates it, because he attacks Gabe almost immediately after each session. (EDIT: I had written, “He’s so smart and creative” here, sarcastically referring to the devil’s lame schemes of doing the same thing over and over and over and over. Two people commented on it though, so my sarcasm must not have come through. New sentence(s): the devil is so lame. And a jerk. And will not defeat us, amen.)
We’ve been praying for our daily bread, and holy cow, is God giving it to us. It’s manna in every way. Just enough for today with not a flake to spare for tomorrow. It’s pure craziness. And dare I say, fun?
And yes, a little bit exhausting.
We’re gearing up to start homeschooling in 2 weeks. Holy cow. And the girls are plotting ways to get a small aquarium and some fish.
A friend of ours died unexpectedly Saturday. He was 35. Kim, his wife, is a dear friend of mine and cuts my hair (and the girls’). They live right behind our house in the next neighborhood over. We chat with them at the pool. They have a teenage son and 2 young daughters. My heart is breaking. The viewing is tomorrow.
I leave Friday morning for a retreat in Wisconsin. It’s been planned for over a year, before my husband had a heart attack and anxiety and doesn’t like me to be gone for more than 2 hours at a time.
Gabe’s mom is coming to stay with him and the girls from Friday to Sunday. I’m eternally grateful to her.
I’m nervous about the retreat. I feel emotionally unstable, in no position to speak into women’s lives about marriage and sex and being awesome.
I should know by now that God does his best work in me when I’m at my crappiest. Go God!
In a span of about 2 days last week, I had 4 random people tell me almost the exact same words. “Your faith is so strong.” I thanked them and said, “Funny you should say that when I’ve never felt like my faith was so weak.”
It was an encouragement. We’ve gotten lots of encouragement lately.
And some not-so-encouragement.
And some pity, which I don’t deal well with. I’m so thankful for people in our lives who are so good at loving us so well without pitying us.
Thank you, people.
My heart is in Cambodia today. It spends a lot of time there. I’m so thankful that my prayers can reach across the globe when I can’t. I’m so thankful for people I love who are doing good, good work in the name of Jesus in a hurting country.
My friend Melissa leaves for Zimbabwe next week, and my mother-in-law goes to Kenya in October. Another friend is working on her application to be a missionary in Papua New Guinea. We met for lunch this week to talk about it. Great people being used by God in foreign lands. I’m so thankful.
I’m so proud of my husband. Just like God didn’t take away Paul’s thorn in the flesh, he’s not taking away Gabe’s chest pains. But Gabe is trusting him and taking steps in faith. Exercising, working, praying anyway. Doing what he can while he waits for God to move.
It’s an honor to be married to him.
Lest you think we are the most amazing married couple in the universe, you might want to peek inside my journal. I’ve always wanted to write a memoir of my life but knew it just wasn’t raw enough, not enough trauma/drama.
That has changed.
I’ll let you know when my memoir is published.
So, that’s kind of where we are. It’s not all of it, but it’s enough for today. The girls are doing well. They’re so resilient. We all are. What an amazing Creator we have.
I miss you guys.
How are you doing today (in less than 850 words)?