a can of worms

I know, I know. How lame of me to bring up something controversial when I’m not even around to take any heat for it.

Oh, well.

I’ve been wanting to discuss a certain topic for quite a very long time. And I keep putting it off. Not because I’m afraid to offend people. I’m not. People in general that is. But discussing this topic and sharing my feelings on it means I’d be stepping on some very special toes. Because there are some people I love dearly (very, very dearly!) who don’t share my opinion/convictions in this area, and I can just imagine all the potential for hurt feelings and bruised relationships.

Sooo…

Modesty. What does it mean? How does it look? I know there are different kinds of modesty. Modesty in your speech, your actions, the way you dress. I’m thinking specifically about physical modesty–the clothes you wear and the body parts you cover (or don’t) and how tightly. And so on.

I stumbled across a book this weekend that intrigued me and then found this post on modesty tonight. Some other stuff has also come up on the topic, and I’m wondering if this is God nudging me, saying, “Yeah, time to talk about this. No more putting it off.”

I’m fighting Him a little, asking for more time, wondering how to approach this crazy subject and how to speak my gut-feelings in love. And finding Scripture to back it up (which is not as simple as finding a verse that says, “Thou must not show thy stomach in public at any time, even at the beach.”)

I’d love to do a survey (like the one referenced in the post above), but I’m not sure that will happen. I do want to talk about this though. However. HOWEVER, I’d like it to be a friendly, edifying dialogue. Not just conservative little me, writing up a list of Do Wears and Don’t Wears. As you can see, if you read through the comments on Anne’s post, people have some very, very strong ideas both ways.

So, I’d like to open up the floor. To you. We can dive in a little deeper later–let’s just get our feet wet. And since I’m not around to moderate, please promise me you’ll keep it sweet.

Here are some conversation starters: What questions do you have about modesty? Is it something you’ve been hearing about since you were knee high to a frog, or is this a new topic for you? Is it something you and your friends discuss, or is it a non-issue? Do you have friends that have decidedly different views on modesty than you do? Do you think God has some hard and fast rules about it–or do you think there’s a lot of wiggle room (neutral zone)? Do you think guys and girls see it way differently? Do you think Christians should have a “stricter dress code” than non-believers? What am I missing?

Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts and remembering that Kindness Rules.

Have a great weekend, friends!

29 thoughts on “a can of worms

  1. Big Nanny

    I loved this post. I’m on staff at a church (preschool ministry) and I see many young mothers sporting lots of cleavage. Honestly, I’ve seen just as much cleavage at church this summer as I did on a recent beach trip. I’ve thought about writing about it on my blog but I’ve been afraid of offending…I may link you up at some point:) My concern is for women who have confided to me that their husbands have issues and have been distracted while sitting in church.

  2. Elizabeth K

    Thank you Marla for bringing this up! It is not talked about/thought about nearly enough in Christian circles.
    I generally agree with the comments above. Just a few thoughts as a mom to 3 girls as well…I recently talked with my 8 yr. old about swim suits and had a really hard time explaining what “sexy” is without using the words and giving too much information! But she loooves fashion and wanted a 2-piece suit – which the selection was very limited, all very revealing this year! (which, I generally agree with Nadine how it seems a double standard to say we won’t/shouldn’t wear a skimpy bikini but our daughters can…..HOWEVER, I do allow my girls and myself to wear “tankinis” that don’t show too much belly. It’s so much easier to take younger girls potty in! And I have a decent, modest one that I bought so I could nurse in it) But to just tell her it’s “inappropriate” doesn’t cut it. I finally explained that it looks like underwear, and of course we wouldn’t go out in public in just our underwear! I think she got it. But again, they are just bombarded with it and want to look like everyone else. How do you explain the “whys” behind our rules? (I want to check out the book mentioned – 5 conversations to have w/ your daughter…)

    I don’t even like for my kids to watch Disney “pre-teen” shows (like Hannah M.), High School musical, etc. – some of that is pretty innocent, I know, but I just feel like it pushes them to grow up too fast! If it’s all about dating, crushes, etc. when they’re in elementary or preschool – where is there to go when they actually are in middle/high school?|!

    As far as we adults are concerned, I think the comments about considering why we’re dressing the way we are is a great one. I also loved the comment ‘I save sex for my bedroom with my husband, so I save sexy for my bedroom” was great! We can look nice/attractive without looking sexy.

    Final note – our pastor recently commented about this and said, if you can’t bend down or lift your hands in worship comfortably wearing something, it’s probably not appropriate for church! I was sooo glad he had the guts to say that, and I think it needs brought up more.

  3. Jennifer

    I’ve already read here that strapless dresses are a “no no,” but believe it or not, there are some strapless dresses that are modest. I was married in one of them! And what would be indecent on some women is perfectly fine on others. My sister, for example, has lots of cute outfits that are decent on her but would look indecent on me. Our body types play a big part in determining what is modest/immodest on us, and to label large chunks of clothing types as wrong for everyone and every body type is just plain ridiculous.

    I do agree that modesty is an issue that needs to be addressed in this current generation, even in our churches. But I think we have to be super careful, especially in conservative evangelical circles to refrain from creating a list of “wrongs.” Just because you wouldn’t wear it doesn’t mean it’s immodest or indecent.

  4. Hannah

    Reading these comments are the post you linked to I was struck by three things: 1) what’s in your heart when you get dressed?, 2) be mindful of your christian brothers and 3) be an attractive soul.

    I went swimmer shopping last summer and it was insanely hard to find modest swimmers! I wanted to find a top that was like a singlet that also didn’t plunge into the cleavage. It was almost impossible. What I came away with wasn’t great, but it was better than anything else there!

    I think sometimes I’m modest by default. In Australia we have a massive hole in the ozone layer so I tend to cover up more so I don’t get burnt by the sun. However, I also never think about whether I will cause a christian brother to stumble in his walk with Christ just by what I wear.

    Some definite points to reflect on here. Thank you everyone for your honesty and heartfelt thoughts!

  5. Gail

    Robin brings up an important issue. We can’t hold others to our standards. Lost people will act, well, lost! We don’t ask them to get all cleaned up and come meet Jesus. We bring them to meet Jesus, and then we let Him do the cleaning up. Our task is to love.

  6. Jodi G

    Cheryl brought up Disney. I was shocked today when I heard the conversation at the beginning of one of their teenybopper shows. It was about underwear! How out of place! How inappropriate! I have been pretty far from modest and godly in my past, but I really felt disgust over that.

  7. robin

    I have to share a story from a frien that loves God SO much and I hope it just adds to the perspective of your can of worms Marla 🙂 A long time ago she had been going through a really rough season in her life. Both she and her husband are BEATIFUL people. They take care of themselves very well. Well she had run away from God and He was begining to draw her back and she had been invited to a swimming party for the childrens ministry leaders in our church. Some good friends were trying to get her involved again and she said she’d go. Well she had been hanging out around the pool and everyone was telling her to jump in. She finally did and she said she dove in and every man in that pool climbed right out. She was wearing a bikini. I know another person that was there so I know this is true, but she said no one talked to her the rest of the time. She was mortified! Its one issue that the men felt uncomfortable. But this went way beyond that. She was angry at that pointand it only made her want to run from such “holier than thou” ppl. She continued down her destructive road for quite a while until God could meet her in a place where she was loved for who she was “a child of the King” not the choices she made or the clothes she wore or the music she listened to.she now understands of course but will never forget “the stones being casted at her”
    My husband and I also taught Jr High kids at church 5 yrs ago and the kids that came from unchurched and non christian fams dressed very provacitivly. We had a 4 week lesson withtthe girls on modesty and 2 things broke my heart. The first was that the girls that came that way felt embarrassed for dressing like that. their moms wouldn’t let them look preppy or churchy and actually encouraged/made them buy the clothes they wore. The second was that parents from the church actually asked if we were finally going to start telling them that they couldn’t come anymore because they dressed that way! Oh I’m sick right now! I completely agree that we need to be conscious of ourselves and what we wear, but by experience I’m also conscious of the fact that being Jesus to our world and not just protecting ourselves from it very easily gets lost in the shuffle. I hurt for those that don’t know God and I guess maybe what I’m saying is that while we need to set an example, we also need to be able to move beyond the surface to what’s really going on in that persons soul. I’ve heard the remarks from women at church when someones visiting for the first time and she’s wearing too short a skirt. I’ve heard snide comments about a girl that has been going there all her life. Of course I didnt find it appropriate to wear what she’d been wearing anywhere let alone a designated place of worship, but why wasn’t anyone seeing the red flags that her faith was starting to waver and she didn’t feel loved?!? Last bit I promise. I feel so strongly that we as women need to get over the sight of it and move in deeper. This is obviously not a mans place! We’re created to reflect our Fathers beauty and if we’re not willing to help those girls that are giving it out in a worldly way, or if we are because we want the glory for ourselves, how on Earth are we advancing the Kingdom? God loves each one of his little girls the same and so many of them need to hear it. Wow I didn’t mean to sound so preachy! I agree with the rest of your commenters thus far, just thought I’d add my convictions :)thanks

  8. Conny

    Great topic – and glad to see the comments rolling in! I grew up in a super conservative church w/ black-and-white rules on everyone’s dress – NO PANTS for women (I so envied the boys who could wear JEANS!!), SHORT HAIR for men, below-the-knee skirts for women, and on & on … you probably know the type of church …
    Now I have a more balanced view of modesty – as my MIL is a super godly woman who wears PANTS *gasp!* My own mother still does NOT. So I’ve kind of thrown out the “rules” I grew up with – and started thinking about the PRINCIPLE of modesty instead. Are the pants on a woman loose & non-form-fitting – would you wear them if Jesus were coming over?? And if you would, then by all means, wear them! I think modesty should be practical & biblical. Our pastor now did a series on modesty – for MEN & WOMEN (I thnk the men get left out sometimes) based on Bible principles NOT RULES. He said GOD cares about your dress: read the Old Testament & what Israel had to remember about their dress code as such; God laid it out in great detail. And modesty is also mentioned in the NT – in reference to attitude, behaviour, and dress. Granted, we can consider our culture & not dress like a freak – and still be modest … but consider that God wanted Israel to be “separate” and known to belong to HIM by the way they dressed … shouldn’t His moral laws distinguish us as Christians in our dress??

  9. Melissa Multitasking Mama

    A friend and I were just discussing this issue yesterday. I am a parent of all boys and find it appalling what some parents allow their girls to wear- at middle school orientation the principal actually had to take the time to say to 12 year old girls that if they came to school dressed as they were on the first day they would be sent home (and my kids go to public school). the sad thing to me is that the mothers sitting right beside those girls were dressed in a similar fashion.
    While I don’t think women should have to wear skirts to their ankles or anything extreme, I feel strongly that we are not to put a stumbling block in another believer’s path. So, if I dress in a provocative fashion (outside of the bedroom for my husband) I could potentially be causing a fellow brother to stumble. When you look at it that way, I think you become much more aware of what you look like before you leave the house.

  10. Melissa S

    I have a couple different thoughts on modesty. I definitely do not want to dress in a way that attracts the attention of a man other than my husband. But as I’m nursing my third baby, I don’t think that I need to run and hide into a separate room when I’m doing the basic act of feeding her. It is so sad that society has oversexualized this act and that women feel embarassed doing it in public. And in the matter of my daughters dressing appropriately, I already limit what my four year old watches on TV to try to minimized the influence of the sexy clothes, and I will not let her dress inappropriately as long as I’m buying the clothes.

  11. Nadine

    Thanks so much for bringing this up Marla, and I’m with Ali and Carrie on sooo many points…hoping you expand on this, the challenges of being ‘well-endowed’ and finding something with a neckline that has a high enough cut, layering with tank-tops, although it is not always comfortable, esp. in the summer to layer, but I do it because I feel it is the right thing to do and I don’t want to be a distraction.

    Definitely agree on having to think about your environment and the viewpoints (literally) that other people might have. For example…I sing in the choir at church, and am always thinking about two things – my neckline, as viewed from a higher angle by our choir director when we are sitting, and also as viewed over my shoulder by our pastor when he may be baptizing someone behind us. Two people I love as my Christian brothers and DEFINITELY don’t want to distract or cause to stumble (honestly, I feel accountable to their wives for this as well). I also think about my skirt length, too, being that we are up on a raised platform, even though there is a modesty rail, and especially if I’m up in front for a solo, standing on a raised platform where the congregation’s eye level is much lower. Honestly, in this situation, I usually wear pants!

    I give a thumbs up, too, to you Marla, and the other ladies who are candid enough to share the thoughts on bikinis and bare midriffs. I too have some friends that I love dearly who do not have a problem with wearing suits that basically resemble their bra and panties, and while I realize that some may even go more extremely conservative to the point of ‘no mixed bathing,’ (I am not there…yet), to me, there is just a terrible disconnect when I hear moms say that they won’t allow their girls to wear short shirts or low-rise pants or short skirts/shorts, but two-piece swimsuits are the ‘norm.’ I really struggled with not being judgmental about that in my heart when I lived in Florida, because what I just described to you (the disconnect) seemed so common there. I really had a hard time with that because in a ‘beach community’ where I lived, it was sooooo common. As a teacher, I personally felt that I had to be MORE cautious at public places like the beach because I was always running into my students. Talk about being uncomfortable, even in a one-piece!!!

    You go, Marla!

  12. Carrie

    Oops, I forgot one thing, especially for those of you who have daughters (well, US, I guess I should say, since I’m expecting a girl now, too) – Shannon from Rocks in My Dryer wrote this great post on the Parenting blog a couple weeks ago, and I wanted to link to it – it is so convicting and reassuring that we’re doing the right thing with encouraging modesty. Here’s the link: http://forums.parenting.com/blogs/parenting-post/posts/heres-strict-parents

  13. Carrie

    Wow, Marla, glad you’re tackling this & letting us discuss it. I think modesty is SUPER important, and I LOVED the guys’ comments in the article you linked to. I also loved the comment from Jen Griffin, that we will be accountable for our modesty when we get to Heaven – what an awesome reminder of our responsibility in this area!

    I have the same problem that Ali mentioned – a rather un-sexy, large chest, esp. when I’m nursing, which I will be again in a few months. I choose not to wear shirts that show my cleavage, even though, as she said, it does approach neck level at times. 🙂 Also, I do a lot of layering – wearing a ‘wife-beater’ or other tank top under any shirt that’s a little bit low. When you have a baby or toddler, they tend to pull on your shirt anyway, so it’s better to be safe (with an undershirt) than sorry. 🙂 I think modesty is so important for our Christian testimony, and just as an act of love and concern for our Christian brothers.

  14. Kimberly

    I’ve never had an issue and don’t really pay much attention to anyone else, BUT when someone bends over and looks like a plumber (no offense plumbers, but you know the view I’m speaking of) in fancy tailored work pants, I throw up in my mouth a little bit!

  15. Stephanie your sister

    I completely agree with Ashley when she said that just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. The definition of modesty explains it as moderation and reservation (in whatever situation). Meaning that within the gray areas, what is the best? And I do believe there are some black and white areas and also some gray ones. If this outfit isn’t “wrong” that doesn’t necessarily mean I should throw it on. It’s about being reserved even in the gray areas.

    I also totally believe that what we wear has a lot to do with who we want to impress. Other women, our husbands, random guys, etc. Thinking back to high school, I can honestly (and sadly) say that I loved getting attention from strangers (guys). When I dressed in the morning, that’s what crossed my mind. Now, a strange guy giving me attention in public is annoying and uncomfortable. So I purposefully dress with the mindset of avoiding that. I think many women need to honestly seek their hearts and motives as far as who they want to impress in their clothing choices.

    Although, I also agree with Amy that it is important to dress attractively for our husbands. I don’t think it’s right for women to use modesty as a reason to dress in a way that is ugly and completely unflattering (even to their husbands). But there’s definitely a way to do both – be attractive for our husbands and still reserved/ moderate in the gray areas of modesty.

    I’m sure I’ll have even stronger opinions once I have kids and they start to grow up in this appearance-obsessed world. I’m not looking forward to that.

  16. Amy

    I will share that one of my struggles related to modesty is dressing attractively for my husband (which is very important and often neglected, I think), but still modestly for the rest of the world.

    As the mother of three girls, I want to teach them proper modesty, so I look forward to hearing the wisdom of other ladies. One of my favorite books that helps with this subject is 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter by Vicki Courtney. Love it!

  17. Leica

    Marla,
    Wow you are indeed right about the can of worms. I used to enjoy “window shopping” through the store ads that come in the newspapers on the weekend. Now that I am a little older and have a 5 year old grand-daughter, I tend to look at the kids clothes. Culture certainly wants our little girls to grow up and look like….well, you know! It really does start way to early! Teaching modesty needs to start so early! Looking forward to hearing more!

  18. Emily

    I think the hardest thing for me is the attention that woman get when they dress provocatively. Woman get attention for the wrong reasons. Growing up, I was always the more modest dressed of my girl friends and consequently, the one who got the least amount of dates and attention from boys. I am constantly having to remind myself of my true worth and that just because a guy oogles at one girl and barely notices my existence, that God LOVES me AND that girl just the same.

    Immodesty is not only detrimental to a Christian man’s walk, but a Christian woman’s as well. We have to remind ourselves that while the media puts scantily clad woman on display, and they get attention from men for that, we cannot bring ourselves to do things to gain attention from men or pride over women. We must keep our focus on God and do things for Him, and Him alone.

    I’ll get off my soapbox now. This is just an area that I feel extremely passionate about.

  19. krisco

    I read a book once that said modesty/purity is a frame of mind and heart and the book suggested that is how you should teach your daughters. I liked the way the book put it and have tried to teach Addy that way.

    I think culture tries to sexualize little girls and I don’t like that. Adult women are pushed to be “sexy” and the trends trickle down to 6 month olds – CRAZY!!!

    I save sex for my bedroom, with my husband. So I save sexy for my bedroom, with my husband. Make sense?

    I think leading by example is the best way for me and my house. I encourage Addy to watch Mommy and what Mommmy (or Maren always provides a great example too) wears. Mommy looks beatiful without having her chest hanging out or wearing short skirts.

    I DO think we are called to a higher standard as Christ followers. I do think the whole modest/unmodest thing has a larger effect on our boys that it does my girl. Dr. Dobson has a lot to say in “Bringing Up Boys” about this subject.

  20. Ali

    Oh, Marla, I HOPE you expand on this in further posts.

    Honestly, I have never given this topic much thought, at least not in a while (I can remember having fights with my parents about my clothes in high school, but that was 12 years ago).

    I do struggle with how much cleavage to show or not show. But not because I want to show some cleavage. This is a struggle for me because my chest is so stinkin’ big, and it’s hard to find clothes that cover me appropriately. And that’s not my excuse, if you will. Rather I look for clothes that make me feel smaller, because my chest makes me feel so huge. Sexy never even enters my mind. I couldn’t tell you the last time I put on a shirt and felt sexy. Ha.

    And now that I am nursing, I face this same dilemma but for different reasons. I want to find appropriate clothing that also allows me to nurse conveniently. I thought I found a great top, but then I wore it to church last week. I felt exposed (every time I looked down, my boobs were jumping out at me) and I was leaking! It was miserable.

    But again, I didn’t have this ‘you are dressing too sexy’ conviction. I just felt awkward – like everyone was looking at me and thinking, “oh my, she better nurse that baby soon before she explodes.” Being a large-chested nursing mom makes me feel double-huge.

    Finally, as this is my second round nursing, my large chest has seen better days. When I do see myself naked, I am discouraged because gravity has been very unkind. So when I find a bra that lifts my boobs into a semi-normal shapely form, I’m thrilled. Not because I feel “sexy,” but because I feel normal. Unfortunately that means I have major cleavage – like approaching my throat cleavage.

    But your post has helped me to rethink the way I dress. Just because I don’t think “sexy” or “seduction” when I throw on anything other than a turtleneck doesn’t mean others don’t have those thoughts.

    I’m just starting to mull over this topic, and I’m excited about what God has to teach me in this arena.

  21. Ashley

    I think to a certain degree, modesty is cultural. But, that said, I do NOT agree with dressing in such a way that “all hangs out” just because our culture says it’s OK.

    In my house, if I’m not comfortable wearing it, it’s probably not modest. If I’m not sure, I ask my husband.

    In the end, I feel like it’s an issue of our attitudes… WHO are you dressing for? And WHY do you feel you should/shouldn’t dress in a certain way?

    Modesty isn’t just about the person wearing (or not wearing) the clothes… it’s about every other person that will be impacted by the choice of clothing worn (or not worn).

    I have to admit that I’ve become a bit lax over the past couple of years as to what is or isn’t modest. I’ve been working to start to err on the side of “too covered” versus not being covered enough, in order to not offend or create issues for others.

    I probably could write more, but I’ll end with this thought: Just because you CAN, doesn’t mean you SHOULD (in regards to bearing any/all).

  22. Cheryl

    I agree with the majority of what’s been said so far. I’d like to add that I think the topic is most important for those who have young girls in their lives.

    I believe parents must be concerned and watchful more than before, more than say 20 or 30 years ago. Not that sexyness in fashion/media hasn’t always been around, but now it’s constantly bombarding everyone, including young girls who mainly used to watch Disney and Sesame Street.

    For those of you that remember, there was a time when certain words couldn’t be on prime time TV, let alone certain acts, especially by teens and kids, most of that is long gone.

    Now, even 5, 6 and 7 year olds look up to Miley for example, who wears see through tops and short short skirts. The girls think that’s appropriate and cool. My opinion is that it’s not. There is no reason for young girls to know what sexy is, but I think way more of them do than we want to admit.

    That’s where modesty really comes in. What do we as moms, aunts, friends and fellow church members want to model for our girls? Inner beauty (great thoughts Gabe) or that we have to be all made up and dolled up, showing what we’ve got 24/7?

    On the boys side of things, I think it’s also hard for our young men to be gentlemen, not to view women/girls in certain ways, when those they see don’t look like they respect themselves. Boys are often just as confused at earlier and earlier ages about the whole issue too.

    Both boys and girls are naturally curious about their bodies (and those of the opposite sex) from a fairly young age. I think adults need to be very mindful of this and do our best to help them stay grounded in faith, in modesty, and respect in that area of their lives as well.

  23. Gabe Taviano

    A man has to chime in on this one, right? I could be wrong, but most of the time when women try to attract the eyes of men, they’re not trying to attract his heart. One of the biggest reasons for a woman to want to attract our eyes has to be that she hasn’t spent enough time focusing on being an attractive soul first. When a woman feels like she doesn’t measure up with her personality or that men might not respect her for just being who she is (like God does), my guess is they cop out of maturing before God and try to top other women by revealing more flesh than they might.

    It seems sometimes that women show more not only to entice men, but to get one up in front of another woman and gain a sense of pride?

    I think fashion is a much larger area of idolatry for some Christian women than they realize. God doesn’t care if you wear makeup, jewelry, leather, carry purses, ALL of the time. So why do some women think other people must? God made you just the way you are, and sometimes it seems like that’s not enough. I won’t even bother with face lifts or boob jobs. Uncovering more of yourself is an issue, so I can only imagine what God thinks about actually replacing or adding onto the flesh He gave you.

    I could be wrong. Maybe WAY wrong.

  24. Janelle Taviano

    after 50 you tend to cover up more out of hiding ungliness..and things get tight when you don’t want them….
    I have seen this both ways….where “christians GUILT others into feeling horrible…and Ihave seen Christians clueless and oblivious to just dressing in a way that people see their inner beauty first…so…. conviction from God, His Word…..is to me the “rule”…..when I speak to teens, I always ask them, ” what was your heart when you didn’t button that one button, what was your heart when you put on that top. or those short shorts…God sees your heart…and that is what we have to answer for.

  25. Alexis Grant

    Usually I think you should go with what YOU feel comfortable with. But I think that also hinges on what makes the people around you feel comfortable and respected.

    This is something I think about a lot as I travel — it’s always better for me, as a woman, to cover up more than I would at home, for so many reasons!

  26. Rachel

    I would agree with the other ladies (regarding myself): It’s a good idea to check with hubby to see what he thinks of your attire. I’ve often questioned my husband, “Do you think this is too low/short/tight,etc. to wear in public?”

    I wish other gals would think about what they are wearing before they go out of their houses, and if they are too young/naive to think that way, their mom’s should be thinking for them. Maybe that sounds harsh, but I don’t think women really see what men see. We need to protect our children from that. It’s not fair to the men either.

    Just a couple of things off the top of my head…

  27. Emily Kay

    I’m pretty conservative when it comes to the modesty issue but it’s just not one of those things you can have a set of “rules” for. I like what Gail said about not dressing sexy…that’s an excellent guideline.

    Also, just a modesty “pet peeve” of mine…beachwear should not look like what you seduce your husband in…or anything close for that matter. If you wouldn’t walk into a grocery store in it, you don’t need to be seen at a beach in it…sand & water or water & chlorine does not give you an excuse to wear your underwear outside, Ladies!

    As far as other guidelines…umm…no part of your boobs should show…if a skirt is short (or slinky/flowy) enough to tease a man it’s too short…if you have to be careful when sitting down it’s probably too short…strapless is a no-no (guys find shoulders & back just as sexy as boobs and butt)…if you have to hold the front of your shirt when you bend over it’s probably too low…

    Those are just a few I use that came to mind. Oh, and number one guideline…

    If your husband (or dad, brother, guy friend) doesn’t think it’s appropriate to wear out…LISTEN TO HIM! 🙂

  28. Jen Griffin

    Miss Anne always has something fun going on! 🙂

    I think modesty is a huge issue. I know I’ve heard about it since I was a little girl in church. It was not until I was older that I realized how HUGE of an issue it is. Now that I have little boys I am beyond bothered by the lack of modesty in so many today…yes, even in church. I don’t think there is any hard or fast rule but, ask your husband! He’ll tell you if what you have on will draw attention to a place it shouldn’t. I don’t think women get it….we just don’t. I man is wired differently and we fail to put ourselves in their shoes when we dress. I do not want to make any man stumble and be held accountable for it in Heaven.

    Such an important issue to deal with. Go for it Marla! Speak the truth in love! 🙂

  29. Gail

    Ooooh. Maybe this can spark a post for me later to be more thorough, but I’ll give a little off the top of my head right now.

    As a mama of 3 little girls, I’m very concerned about what they present to the world. My ideas of modesty have tightened up much as I parent them. I don’t have a list of rules, but I have a gut sense about dressing in a way to appear sexy (a way that evokes sexual thoughts, however fleeting) versus dressing in a way that is flattering. I think you can achieve flattering without going for sexy. Because really, do I WANT my checker at Walmart to think I’m sexy? No way! And the same will go for my girls as they grow. I’m sure we’ll talk about this a LOT in the coming years. And I’m interested to see what pops out of this can you opened.

    By the way, I hope you’re having a swell weekend! Can’t wait to hear how it goes.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *