My friend Dela posted something on Facebook earlier today that caught me off guard. She said it bothered her that out of all the outrage she’d seen from her friends on Facebook about Tray Martin, only three of them were white.
My friend is black. And I wasn’t one of the three white friends she was talking about. And that bothered me.
If you haven’t heard, Trayvon Martin was an innocent, unarmed black teenager (17) who was shot and killed by a 28-year-old Latino man because he looked “suspicious.” Trayvon was wearing a hoodie and carrying a bag of Skittles and an Arizona iced tea and doing nothing wrong. His killer claimed he shot him in “self-defense” and no charges were pressed.
I read this post from my friend Tara in Haiti, and it broke my heart. I love her precious family, and Isaac’s words made me want to cry.
Tara linked to this article by a white guy named Tim Wise, who has researched and written extensively on the topic of racism. Wise says (and I agree) that, “If Trayvon Martin had been, say, Todd Martin, a 17-year old white male, in the same neighborhood on the same evening, it wouldn’t have mattered that he was wearing a hoodie, looking at homes as he passed them by, or fiddling with his waistband.” That was the “suspicious” activity his killer reported on a 911 call.
Wise challenges the notion long-held by most white people (including me, ashamedly) that black people are “exaggerating the problem or making the proverbial mountain out of a molehill.” (Here’s another great article along those lines.)
“Empathy,” Wise says, “— real empathy, not the situational and utterly phony kind that most any of us can muster when social convention calls for it — requires that one be able to place oneself in the shoes of another, and to consider the world as they must consider it. It requires that we be able to suspend our own culturally-ingrained disbelief long enough to explore the possibility that perhaps the world doesn’t work as we would have it, but rather as others have long insisted it did.”
I posted a link to Wise’s article on Facebook and added this: “Injustice is real. And alive and kicking around the world and right here in our own country. And it’s not okay with our God. And he demands time and time again in his word that it not be okay with us either. I don’t always know what to do with/about it, but that’s no excuse. God, give me your heart for justice.”
Call me naive, but I did not expect the ensuing comment thread to turn into angry talk about “racism going both ways.” That black people can be just as racist as white people and “I’m tired of white people being called racist,” etc.
I tried (and failed) to explain that yes, every color of person can be racist. But in this country, white people aren’t going to get profiled/accused of stuff/killed just because they’re white.
And a black person very well might. And has. And is.
After an icky discussion, all of my “opponents” (one goes to my church and one is a blood relative) said they “bowed out” and were basically sorely disappointed in my inability to “let this go” and my insistence at calling them “white racists.”
And I felt powerless. Because I knew that we were all missing the real point I was trying to make. Mostly because I had no idea how to say what I really meant.
But I couldn’t just stay silent, because I love my black friends (most of whom I know in real life and go to church with), and their outrage and their pain was not okay with me. I wanted to understand it and feel it, and I wanted to stand with them and fight for them and their kiddos whom I love so much. I begged God to show me how I could do that as a white girl. I didn’t see how it was possible, but I felt like I had to try.
But I didn’t want to say anything that made it sound like I knew what it was like to be black. I don’t. And I didn’t want to sound like I was trying to be a hero. I’m not. And I didn’t want to post out of white guilt or whatever. Yuck.
And then I had a little chat with a friend online. And then a couple friends texted me and told me to please keep fighting for what was right. And I asked God again for wisdom. And then my friend Rebecca told me about an article that had helped her think about race issues in a way she never had before.
And it all started to click. No, I don’t have it figured out. And no, I don’t have any brilliant conclusions for this blog post. But now I can put my finger on what’s been eating at me.
The article is called White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Backpack. Holy cow.
“As a white person,” author Peggy McIntosh writes, “I realized I had been taught about racism as something that puts others at a disadvantage, but had been taught not to see one of its corollary aspects, white privilege, which puts me at an advantage.”
“I began to count the ways in which I enjoy unearned skin privilege and have been conditioned into oblivion about its existence.”
That’s it right there. That’s what I’d been thinking but had no idea how to articulate. Racism isn’t just about white people doing/saying bad things to black people (or vice versa). It’s deeper than that. It’s this underlying… thing… that says, “If you’re white, you automatically get these certain privileges. If you’re black, you don’t.”
But no white person wants to admit that white people get these privileges. We want to say (and think) that everything is fair for everyone, that we live in a free country steeped in Christian values, that everyone who works hard enough is entitled to everything that anyone gets.
But it’s not true.
Here are 6 of the 26 privileges the author admits that she has (that her black colleagues don’t):
I can, if I wish, arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.
I can be pretty sure that my neighbors will be neutral or pleasant to me.
I can swear, or dress in second-hand clothes or not answer letters without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, the poverty, or the illiteracy of my race.
I can be sure that if I ask to talk to “the person in charge” I will be facing a person of my race.
If a traffic cop pulls me over, or if the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure I haven’t been singled out because of my race.
I can take a job with an affirmative action employer without having coworkers on the job suspect that I got it because of race.
“Obliviousness about white advantage… is kept strongly inculturated in the United States so as to maintain the myth of meritocracy, the myth that democratic choice is equally available to all.”
Why do my black friends see my white privilege when I’m completely blinded to it? Because the advantages I have are advantages I have never not had.
Spending time in Cambodia exposed my blindness to my own wealth and privilege as an American. Because it opened my eyes to what I have that others don’t.
I want the same thing to happen with my friends of color in my own community. I want my eyes opened to the privileges I enjoy merely because I was born with cream-colored skin. And I want to fight for justice for my friends whose skin is a different shade.
This post is a start.
And I’ll leave you with a poem written by a friend of a friend. Yalonda Bond Wilson is a beautiful black woman with a gorgeous little boy.
Friends, whether you’re a mama or not, put yourself in this mama’s shoes for just a minute and see if it doesn’t break your heart.
My TrayVon Martin is four years old and I weep when he sleeps
He sleeps so peacefully because he is unaware that the world doesn’t recognize
his worth.
I weep because i know that no matter the joy he brings to me, he will be seen as
a threat
I weep because he is magnificent and splendid and one of my life’s greatest
treasures
And it breaks my heart to know that someone, anyone could blot out his existence
He sleeps so peacefully because he hasn’t yet realized his power
I weep because there will always be lingering questions of motives related to
his hue
I weep because I know that the best way to preserve his earthly life would be
To raise him to be a non-threatening figure, to placate, and to shuffle
But what self-respecting mother raises a son to be weak?
My son will stand strong and stand tall and be broad shouldered and to know that
He doesn’t have to respond to any ordinary Joe who asks a question
He will know his rights and he will respect the rights of others … All others
He will be prepared to mentally spar with the greats
But raising my son to be strong is a risk; raising him not to be is even riskier
I weep because his mountain is unfairly steeper than anyone else in this land of
the free
I weep because his trail will have hidden obstacles and barriers that will build
strength
Strength that will help him develop into a man, yet strength that may make him
ominous
Tonight he sleeps in the crook of his father’s arm, at peace and protected
But me, I am awake praying for a mother and father in Sanford; praying for
justice
Yet grieving because no amount of justice restores the loss of the joy that is a
child
Heavy hearted because I don’t believe our sons will ever know a level playing
field
Frightened because our grandsons may not either
My TrayVon Martin is just four years old, and I weep when he sleeps.
I really don’t believe Trayvon was shot because he was black. I believe Zimmerman should have backed off and should face consequences for taking justice into his own hands.
That said, I really don’t buy into everything always being a race issue and I’ve felt like portions of the black community hold too tightly to the race card. I still do feel like that. However, this post really has me thinking. I’m going to read more because those 6 things you listed make really interesting points.
I want my heart to be in the right place here. I do want to understand this issue more. Thanks for sharing what you did, in the way you did. It is so completely non-offensive (the opposite of most posts I read of this nature) that I want to learn more.
I can’t say if race is a factor in this situation because I want involved. However, race issues are something that is in the sub conscious of America. We have come a long way, but we haven’t reached the goal. Some of the most difficult things to say are sometimes the most important things we need to talk about. One problem I see is this… One side says, “Hey, you offended me.” The other side says, “No I didn’t, get over it.” Seek first to understand. Second, to be understood. I wrote an essay last week and wish to share it with you and your readers. I call it “THE TALK… How to conduct myself as a black man in America.” I’ve shared it with my tumblr followers and it will be part of a class discussion at Ohio University. Here’s the link.
http://t.co/KDPG3mbD
This is an interesting blog post. First, I am so heartbroken for Trayvan’s family – I can’t imagine how hard this must be for them, mostly because it seems so pointless and so unnecessary. The refrain of “what ifs” that must be going through their minds make me very sad.
The man who shot TrayVon obviously used incredibly poor judgment. I don’t know all the details of the case, but it does make you wonder if he was looking for some kind of excuse to do what he did.
However, if we are to truly love as Christ loved though – are you praying for him and his family, too? Are his family members any less worthy of our sympathy and prayers? Just asking.
I don’t know how to say what is on my heart without coming across wrong. Race issues are so fraught with landmines that I think it is really difficult to have an honest conversation and for both participants to really listen. Both sides tend to be defensive, and sometimes even seem to look for offense where none exists.
I will say this though, hatred in any form, is destructive and hurtful, to the person being hated AND to the person doing the hating. I believe forming personal relationships with people different from ourselves is the first step in bridging those gaps. When you know people personally – interact with them, do life with them side by side – they cease to be a “race” or “ethnicity” or “class,” but become a real person. When we learn to really “see” people – that is when we learn to truly love as Christ does.
I want to address one thing that I don’t think has been properly addressed up to this point. I’ve read a lot of people saying ‘we don’t really know what happened.’ And then people react saying we do know what happened, that Trayvon was killed because he was black. Usually, real life situations are more complicated than that.
I think that people who say ‘We don’t really know what happened’ need to ask, ‘Why did Zimmerman feel the need to follow Trayvon, and then actually get out of his vehicle to confront him?’ Can they see why people would be troubled that this kid was trailed by an adult seemingly for his appearance?
I also think people are portraying what happened after Zimmerman left his vehicle unfairly. Did he just get out and shoot Trayvon because he was black? The facts don’t bear that out. I think it’s likely that Trayvon was followed and questioned because he was black, which is an injustice in itself, and I’m not trying to diminish that fact. However, after that, the two men got into a fight, and right now we don’t know who initiated the physical confrontation or who had the upper hand, or if at that point Zimmerman truly had reason to fear for his life. The facts as I understand them show that Zimmerman suffered a broken nose, some type of cut on his head, and had grass on his back after the incident, which may mean that Trayvon was on top of him.
Even if that is the case, I can certainly see why Trayvon would have felt threatened as well. I’d be freaked out if some dude was following me in my car. I don’t think he should have been necessarily expected to play nice with a stranger that was following him either.
With knowing what I know about this case, we need to definitely address the injustice of a young black man being followed and considered ‘suspicious’ because of his appearance, recognizing that this situation never needed to be initiated. Zimmerman was also the adult here, in the safety of his vehicle and should share significant responsibility in initiating the incident. At the same time we can’t ignore the possibility that Trayvon may have initiated the physical portion of the confrontation, and after that the situation spun out of control.
I meant if some dude was following me in THEIR car. I suppose if some dude was following me in MY car, it would make the situation even worse…
As a Native American, we espouse community, UNITY at all costs , even confronting our own racism n bigotry. we need to stop the blame game because it resolves nothing. the idea of community is empathy n cooperation, so all might succeed. Behind the wall of racism is fear, power n control. As I have espoused in my circles as a full blooded Indian from a line descendant from Chief Cornstalk(ran with Tecumseh) I have been called apple, a white indian n a wanna be. from other natives????Psychologically I understand the root of such language but understanding the motives or the feelings which mitigate such language n acts doesn’t take away from the hurt n marginalization it causes. We need to be honest with our feelings , decide if there is anything we can do about it. Compassion n mercy are attributes from God , not elected for one particular race! ,if you will. Spiritual protocol is what we of the nations are talking about as the taking from us with out asking, n then the continued legislation which would try to deem us as not human or somehow inferior is the pain of the ages. We are human being s too. We of the redroad know the Great Spirit made one race the Human race, He just made us all diffferent colors. It seems a shame that when the Creator shows his/her strength n power , might n majesty through acts like floods, earthquakes n the like we all are humbled to the immediacy of the human race. Humility n intellect are compatible , providing we place humillity first. As NAtive Americans we have contributed much to the formation of this country which we should be honored for, and if one doesn’t know or realize thru ignorance they should educate themselves instead of lambasting, n trying to imtimidate another thru might to …be more like us! For might does not MAKE RIGHT! Spiritual protocol must be re-established otherwise this country will never get past “her ” sins”. We cannot sweep the atrocities against a race of people , a loving , kind , compassinate, a beautiful race of people(Red) under the rug any more in the hopes that it will go away. God is still watching n he , through the advent of community requires us to make others accountable. This is the only way to move beyond the barriers of indifference, apathy n hatred to say yes we might be from another culture but we are one of Gods children too! Some of the language used is truly devisive. AS Indians we resolve to move beyond the unresolved grief, pride n shame which keeps us, spiritually sick. This is all we ask of our brothers here on earth regardless of what color, race or religion. We are for the first time in history taking pride(in a good way) of our heritage knowing we count , we have a rite to live happily with out having to endure the pure animosity another might feel towards us ,..out of fear! Getting back to the statement of standing up to this , this NORM, which is slowly erradicating the sense of brotherly love we must all exhibit towards each other, as the creator would have it we must vocalize our displeasure at the treatment of the less fortunate , the different, the marginilized, the handicapped in this the greatest country on the earth! We are not racists as we espouse our pride in who we are, we just ask for mercy and I’m sure this is all those who have been affected in Florida by this act are saying -are asking…would this be okay if it was on the other foot? we say n know it would not, so why is it okay for you to treat us this way? Wrongs need to be made right otherwise another 100 yrs we will still be dealing with the same social issues. Humans are smarter than this, we have cognitive reasoning, freewill, the one thing which seperates us from the animals n angels!I know my comments are based in bias , sort of but as A native american this is my experience. I still have a giving heart full of compassion n potential to help another, to love those who are lost n to help those who are left out of the sense of privilegdge that many,many have in this country…maybe at the expense of a race of people. Personally this breaks my heart, this is not what GOD the creaotr of the universe wanted when he opened up our country for all, maybe for his message of redemption. We pray n smudge n dance…we would hope that many would do the same n HONOR another above themselves, instead of trying to tear down, n maybe even kill. Forgive! n help stop the Bullying!
As a PoC (Person of Color) I need to point out one very important thing that not very many people, especially white people, understand. It’s that there is not, nor ever can be, anything such as reverse racism. There is no such thing as racism against White people.
This is because Racism = Privilege + Power
People of Color do not have the historical privilege, nor the societal and social power, to induce the effects of true institutional racism. While People of Color can be prejudiced, they can never be racist because they have no historical precedence for being so. So, for those people who think that reverse racism is a real thing you can just let them know that there is no such thing. You have to have social power and a historical foundation of privilege for that to be the case.
Not to mention, calling a White person a name does not bring up any sordid past or hurtful genocide that it does when calling a PoC a derogatory slur. Racism is only used to enforce power over another person, to show that in a situation you still have the power to preside over them, regardless of their station. And white people often think, because they are conditioned to believe so, that acts of racism are isolated incidents rather than the common everyday, often institutionalized, occurrences that we as PoC know them to be.
Sloane, I think that this is an important distinction. It’s one that’s lost on many white people. Growing up, I was taught that racism is simply the belief that one’s race is superior to another.
The power and privilege parts of the equation are relatively new and thus counterintuitive to many people of my age (40s) and older.
Indeed, your definition (and the one I’d share) of racism is in process and in dispute. Most dictionaries give the simple notion of racial superiority or the hatred of other races as alternate definitions.
So, perhaps it’s useful to keep in mind that many people are using the term as they were taught it.
Are you kidding me?? Racism is Racism. No matter what the skin color is. A black person calling me ‘cracker’ isn’t racist? Wake up.
This is the dumbest blog I’ve ever read.
Racism is making a decision based on race. It can certainly happen to white people. It can happen to anyone. There are even blacks who are racist towards blacks, just as there are women who are sexist against women.
Thank you for this. As a white person who is very angry and sad and vocal about the injustice of Trayvon Martin’s murder, I’ve been contemplating whether I have the right to be as angry about it as my black friends. In fact, I was at a get together this weekend where I was the only white girl and I wanted so much to talk to my friends about Trayvon, but I didn’t feel like I had the right. I am very aware of the luxuries afforded to me by the way I look, but my heart still aches for those who cannot just BE without being judged. Thank you for this discussion and for some great food for thought.
Love everything here. Trying to have same coversations in my own household being a black woman with a white husband. It’s very hard to have a deep coversation to those so close to you especially. Praying for God to give you the courage and the words to continue!
Hertie, I am a white woman who was married to a Black man for 39 years, raising four sons. I intimately know the fear of having Black sons, for mine are proud and stand up for themselves. Their father is gone now, but he leaves a legacy of strength, hard work, discipline and love. But, as the mother of Black sons, I still have the terrible fear for them, perhaps heightened by what I know of how my race really feels. It’s frightening, and every day, even though they are now responsible adults, I worry. I married George in 1969, and you can only imagine what it was like then, even being hard working parents and homeowners. I have been belittled publicly, and have had neighbors hurt my children emotionally from the get go. I’m not saying it is all bad, because I truly feel that a blended family epitomizes our country and what it really stands for historically. But, slavery and the attitude that I think will forever permeate this country is a festering cancer that will continue forever if not somehow drastically cut out surgically. There is no, “well, let us take some time to let it get better”. Bull, bull, bull, it’s been over 200 years already, and I personally feel not a lot of feelings have changed. Treyvon is a perfect example of this. My prayers and cries of anguish go out to his family and all the families that have suffered.
Oh, Nancy. My heart breaks for you. I’m praying right now for you and all four of your sons. I’m so sorry you lost your husband. He sounds like an amazing man. I’m begging God to work miracles in the hearts of those who hate. I don’t see any other way our country can be healed.
Praying for you right now, Hertie. And for your husband. That he’ll be able to have true empathy, and that the two of you can stand as one on this issue. Thanks for sharing!
Marla, Thank you so much for writing this. I have had two sleepless nights this weekend because I have such a heavy heart for for Trayvon Martin and his family. I want to blog about it and everytime I start, I’m not sure what I want to say other than I’m ashamed that I haven’t spoken out yet. And when I try to write, I’m consumed by grief for his family and the future of our country coupled with outrage. I completely agree that if Trayvon had been white he’d be alive today. Thanks for writing this.
Thanks, Jen. If you feel compelled to write about it, do it, no matter how ashamed you are that it took so long. I think people will understand. So many times, I write about lighter stuff, because the heavy is just too hard to put into adequate words. So, I get it.
If you do blog about it, let me know. I’d love to read it.
I am a light-skinned Mexican-American with a family of mixed shades light enough to be mistaken for white to dark enough, they are darker than many blacks. My closest cousin and I are on opposite extremes. She was my best friend growing up, until my light cousins were hanging out with us. I wanted to be accepted and so we mistreated my dark cousin and her slightly dark sister. I grew up and began really analyzing this, especially as I began becoming conscious of the civil rights movement, racism, and discrimination. I often passed for being white and was proud to do so until I realized I hated myself for not really being white. I was hiding but all the hiding from everyone else, I could never hide from myself: as white as my skin is (and really compared to a white person, I’m not so white), I AM BROWN. I finally recognized that my cousin could never hide and she was treated accordingly. She was cautious with others because her experience informed her she couldn’t trust just anyone. She knew who she was and she loved and embraced herself. I on the other hand, as I began paying attention to the thoughts Inalways knew I had in my head, finally acknowledged that I hated myself for being Mexican. I tried figuring out which was worse: loving myself and hating a racist, discriminatory society or being accepted by it and hating myself. Perhaps neither is better. I then switched to wishing I was dark; wishing I couldn’t run from myself and almost preferring to be like my cousin. That translates, once again, to hating myself (for being “white”). I couldn’t win. I am much older now and finally realized, I need to love myself for who I am, a light-skinned Mexican. I learned Spanish and I speak it like I’m Mexican; I say my last name correctly and I dance cumbias. It was a journey, but I reached the other side.
I completely understand everything you are saying in your blog and I applaud you for going there. Thank you!
Thank you so much, Rina, for being brave enough to share this. I respect you so, so much. Bless you for accepting the you God created you to be. You have a beautiful heart!
Thank you for sharing. I am encouraged by your willingness to bring this issue to the forefront, even while others believe it’s a fallacy. May God continue to give you a voice!
Thank you so much, Keisha. I used to think (on some levels anyway) that it was a fallacy too. It hurts to admit that, and I pray for forgiveness from God and my black friends for being blind, for closing my eyes to something, just because I didn’t want to believe it.
May God give us ALL a voice, an EQUAL voice.
I am truly sorry and my prayers are with Trayvon’s family for their comfort at this unimaginable time. Now, on to the race thing. Why did we not see our President, President Obama come on National TV and talk about the Chardon, OH shootings?? Two white guys, one black guy gunned down in cold blood by a white kid. However, one black kid gets shot and killed, the black community rises up in protest, and our black president feels he, the president of the united states of america, whom I have served proudly over the past 11 years in uniform takes to the airways to give his comments. Yes, I think there is a touch of racism in our beloved nation all the way to the top. Can we please get over this already and move on with the future working together as one people, one nation, under God?????????? I am so sick and tired of the hand outs, priviledges, everyone’s history month, except white history month, that would be considered racist of course. Get on with it already. The more we focus on the past, the further into the obiss we sink as a nation while the third would nations come together and concur. Grow up, become adults, act like adults, don’t expect anyone to hand you anything, work for what you want and give all you have into acheiving your goals and dreams without depending on your skin color to get you there. That is how you earn true respect from all and true satisfaction out of life. Again, my true most heart felt condulances to both the families of the Chardon, OH HS victim’s families and the parents relatives and friends of Travon. May God bless the USA and those who fear Him and seek to know Him for who He is, “OUR” creator. Oh yeah, btw, we are all related from way back.
Good morning – Thank you so much for serving this great country for 11 eleven years. I appreciate what you have given.
I just want you to know that President Obama did publicly address the Chardon School shootings. In addition, he called the principal of the school to personally express his condolences and thoughts. I also want you to know that he didn’t purposely take to the airwaives to address the Trayvon Martin shooting. He was actually making an announcement of his nominee for president of the World Bank and then a member of the media asked this off-topic question… the president was responding to the question.
I also want you to know that both are tragic, but these two situations are in no way alike in terms of the motives behind the shootings. Neither is more important than the other… children are dead.
It’s the motives behind the Trayvon Martin shooting that have black people, in particular, so outraged. Black people are outraged because this is a modern day lynching, and the perpetrator has been allowed to walk free. But, I’m not foolish enough to believe that everyone will feel outrage. Everyone’s heart strings are pulled by different things, and that’s fine.
Trust me when I say that I would like nothing more than to just “get over this already,” as you suggested, but my heart will not allow me to. In my walk to love mercy and to act justly, how can I? How can I “get over it” when my son is no safer than Trayvon Martin? This is not an isolated incident… it’s just the most recent…and it’s just that it’s so blatant and overt. How do we get over this and move into the future without addressing what’s happening now? How do we move forward and expect justice in the future without demanding justice now?
You mention “handouts” in your post and it seems like you’re talking about something else, other than the topic of the post. Surely, it’s not a “handout” to expect that a boy could walk home from a convenience store with a bag of Skittles and an iced tea. It’s not a “handout” to expect reasonable safety. It’s not a “handout” to expect that he would not be shot down in the street. These are not privileges either… these are rights. You served our country to make sure we all have these rights, and I thank you again.
Would Black History Month be more palatable to you if there was a White History Month? I would contend that when I went to high school, White History Month was September through June because I didn’t learn about any people of color during those months, but I certainly learned about all the “forefathers” of our great county. Does that mean that people of color didn’t contribute to our fine nation… no, it just means that the only opportunity that my teachers took to talk about ONE of them was during Black History Month. Black History Month should have just been called Martin Luther King, Jr Month. My hope is that our education system has evolved since then. Like you, I yearn for a time that Black History Month is not necessary because children will be taught the true history of this nation in school. But until then, I guess we have to live with what we have.
I do agree with you though, people should work hard and earn respect, without depending on skin color to get there. But, we would be remiss if we didn’t address the problem here. There is in fact more than one starting line.
Regarding the shooting of this innocent child… if it had been my son, and his killer had been allowed to walk free, without being subjected to an arrest or a sobriety test, a full background check, or even a hard line of questioning… I would want the world to be outraged… I would not want your condolences, I would want your help to make some changes to this country that you spent 11 years serving.
I say these things respectfully and I am glad we live in a country where we can all have varying opinions. I just hope that mine are considered to be well thought out and fact based, laced with appropriate amounts of emotion. This is truly an emotional topic for many and I thank Marla for having the courage to talk about this.
I’m sitting here at my desk, shaking my head in awe at this gracious reply. I actually started clapping, even though there’s no one around to hear.
Yalonda, every single thing you said resonates as truth to me. I continue to be amazed at how, when I am flabbergasted and unable to form words, God keeps sending people with the perfect words all ready to go.
I see Christ in you so clearly. Thank you for being such an example to me.
I talked to my friend this afternoon about her son. They are a white family, adopting a black baby (yes I understand the scores of issues that people may have with that, let’s not go there) so I asked her how she feels about all of this. Her husband is currently in Orlando waiting on the papers to come through so that he can come home with their son who was just released from the hospital yesterday. They’ve talked about this a lot this week and have some great perspective, and have learned a lot through the immediacy of this topic to their lives.
She said to me “I’m going to have to teach my son that racism exists.”
Ouch, my heart ached for the BEAUTIFUL boy.
Then my verbal diarrhea took over before my heart grasped the words. “You won’t have to tell him it exists, he’ll know as soon as he is old enough to be social with other kids. He will know, and you’ll have to love him through the fallout.”
And then the words hit me and I cried for this sweet boy that we have prayed long and hard for.
I believe that racism is fueled by media and people who cry out for diversity. How in the world in our melting pot of a country can we embrace all of our differences? Why arent we saying…we’re all Americans…let’s find common ground and celebrate the things we have in common…first and foremost? Then…when thats established everyone can bring their diversity and let it shine.
I cant imagine the hurt and loss in Florida. I wonder if its not actually the color of our skin…but our sub cultures that place fear of others in our hearts. No matter my skin color…if i talk like you, dress like you, talk like you…there are no barriers. But if i am different in those areas we have very little in common…maybe we all need to strive to find common ground.
Unfortunately, being color-blind is one of the most racist things that you can do and is an extremely privileged idea to have. When a person says that we are “All just Americans” or “All just Human” it really detracts away from the struggle that we, as People of Color, constantly go through. It’s a way of whitewashing the past and the responsibility that White people have to fight against racism in the present day. While we are all Human, we are not all treated that way. It’s a very unrealistic, romantic notion. In fact, it was only until recently that black people were even allowed to exist, literally.
The fact is that PoC (people of color) have to worry about color every day. Every day they see something that tells them they’re not good enough, not smart enough, or that the entire system is constantly against them. Only White people are privileged enough to think that racism is only an isolated incident that happens here and there, and very rarely. The thing that you’re really going to need to understand is that everything you’ve been taught about equality in this country is entirely wrong. Entirely. You’re going to have to take a long look at your life, your actions, and the way that you think to realize that you have immense privileges and that others around you really do suffer and that we do not, at all, live in a post-racial society. People are indeed arrested because they’re black, people are indeed denied jobs because they are a PoC, and that we as PoC cannot just “pull ourselves up by our bootstraps” in this country because we started WAY behind the starting line in the first place; We need help just to be at a level playing field with our White counterparts.
Right now, this very moment, you benefit from White Privilege. You benefit from the genocide of millions of people that died just so you could wear your hair any way you want to, so you could go out and party, so you could go to church and have no one second guess your intentions or your character. The land that your on? My people, as I am Native American, had to be forceably killed and moved so you could have it, just so you could live in your house or go to college. Your ancestors either had to actively kill my people in order to get the land that you’re on, or support a government during a time where it was okay to do so. The same with our highways and railroads built from the backs of early Asian immigrants. The same with the industries that were built on the backs of black slaves. That all culminates in to the privilege that you receive today. White people really have to understand why the thinking that “We are all Human” is in no way helpful, and look at the ways that they benefit from the genocide of millions of people.
Thank you so much for sharing from your heart. I feel like the words “I’m so sorry” would just ring empty here, but I’ll say them anyway. I am so, so, so sorry.
I was just talking to my 11yo daughter this afternoon about the beginnings of “our” country. I told her that we, as white people, “discovered” a land that already belonged to a group of people, and we shoved them out of our way and/or killed them to get what we wanted. And then we turned right around and brought in a whole new set of dark-skinned people and used and abused them as property. I can’t even fathom what kind of evil makes people treat other people that way. And how something like the color of your skin can be the deciding factor when it comes to your worth.
She doesn’t understand either. Her four best friends at school are a different color than her (3 black, 1 Asian), and she has 2 cousins who are Native American (1 full-blooded, 1 Mexican-Native American). She loves them so much (and so do I) and can’t stand to see people hate them for no reason.
How do you explain something that is so inexplicable? I hate that this is our heritage, and I hate that the racism continues to this day.
I’m praying hard that God will show me how to overcome racism with his love. It seems impossible, but I believe he is big enough. I have to believe that, or there’s no hope at all.
I dont like the way America decided to push west and “take over” land owned by American Indians. It’s a travesty.
My great grandma and her sons ( one being my granpa ) left nazi Germany, survived on a long cold boat trip and landed on Statten Island. Then they moved to Ohio, adopted American values and tried their best to make it despite their hardships.
At what point do people remember the past but decide to live in the present? How to women who were sexually abused move on? How do children who survive cancer with no arms move on? How does someone like you take the circumstances you were dealt and rise above them?
Im close personal friends with a 70 year old Chipewa American Indian who was sexually abused with severe disabilities. With God, he rose above, became a public speaker and an incredible human being. Guess what? His 8 children, because of being American Indian, had their college degrees paid for. I didnt.
Ive been to Kosovo and met children who had family members shot right before their eyes-genocide. Through Facebook i still have contact with them…theyve decided to move past that toward a brighter future.
We’re all faced with choices, priviledges and whether or not to habour bitternees.
The issue of racism is one that I just haven’t been able to get away from this week. Earlier this week I heard about Trayvon. My library requests that came in included another disc of the eye-opening series Eyes on the Prize and John Perkins’s book Let Justice Roll Down (which I devoured in two days, it was amazing and will definitely be one of my top reads this year).
Just reserved Let Justice Roll Down. Thank you, friend!
I agree with many of the sentiments expressed here and that there is definetely still racism going many ways in our culture and that this angers a just and loving God. I do however believe that sometimes the pendulum swings too far the wrong way to try and make things right to the point that white people are penalized for being white. My two examples are personal experience.
My son and our next door neighbor girl applied to the same university with basically the same GPA and ACT score. My son is white and my neighbor is bi-racial. The neighbor girl was offered a full scholarship while my son was not even accepted on the main campus.
My second example is that someone in our family was teaching at a mostly black inner city school. This person was falsely accused by a young black student of being inappropriate with her. The accusation was made simply because the girl didn’t like being disciplined by a white teacher. The lies were spurred on by the girls family and their friends. The person was found completely innocent, however the person’s career was destroyed. This person had such a hard time understanding why this happened because they only wanted to work with children. They didn’t care at all about what race they were. This person has been going on years of counseling now. So here a career was ruined and a life forever altered because of racism. No one (school administrators, etc) wanted to initially challenge the girl and her family because they were afraid they would cry “you are ingnoring us because we are black”.
I am sure that there are many advantages that I don’t realize that I have because I am white. I believe and raise my kids that everyone is equal and precious to God. My son’s have many black friends. I am not saying this for people to say “O look at us doing the right thing” because there are many injustices that we are not aware of.
However we need to recognize that there are reverse issues as well and that often times people use the race card to intimidate and hurt other people. Even white people.
I’m so sorry about your family members. That’s heart-breaking. I do recognize that there are reverse issues, but I’m focusing on my own weakness/ignorance and what I can do to change that. I can’t force those who are different than me to change as easily as I can help open the minds and hearts of those like me (white privileged folks who have inadvertently benefited from racism). Does that make sense?
Please don’t take this the wrong way, but if your son had been admitted to the university with a full scholarship and the other child had not been admitted, would your explanation still be race-based? Part of white privilege is being able assume that you are always the “best” candidate and anyone else was less qualified. My kids face this every day. Both of my daughters are in college programs where there very few students of color. They both are extremely bright and capable young women. Before college they performed hundreds of hours of community service, had GPA’s well over 4.0, and scored very high on college-entrance exams. They continue to maintain excellent grades while they serve the communities in which they now live. Yet, at least once a week, one of my beautiful gifted daughters will call me with a new story about how they don’t “deserve” to be in their particular program (usually courtesy of some arrogant young white male). It’s very disheartening when they know they’ve excelled at every challenge!
We are privileged in ways we don’t understand or often acknowledge because that’s “just how things are.” As long as we’re surrounded by people that look exactly like us, it’s easy to continue believing the lie that white privilege doesn’t exist. And until our eyes are opened and we begin having this discussions and conscientiously making changes, the status quo remains. No one wants to be accused of being racist or sexist or ageist or any of the -ists. When anything negative is implied, we go on the defense instead of listening and weighing the matter. Thank you for opening up the discussion here, Marla. This is a start. I pray that more voices will cry out for justice- for Trayvon and within the systems in place, our communities, and society- as a result.
That’s what I pray I can do in response to any accusation. Listen and weigh the matter before I go on the defensive. Thanks, Leigh.
I’ll admit, when I first saw your FB post I didn’t read through the link nor did I want to hear what people said in response. I kept coming back to it though, then I saw your blog post and felt like I needed to hear whatever the discussion was. My heart is heavy. I read through the FB thread and my heart was troubled. I read through links that you and others posted and my heart aches. Thank you Marla, so much for bringing ache to my heart.
I have been described not as white but as translucent, like you can almost see the blood flowing because my skin is see-through. I grew up in a small town where 75%+ of the population had a lot more melanin than me. I was made fun of the first day of Kindergarten because I couldn’t pronounce my teacher’s name correctly. I hadn’t grown up in a home that rolled our R’s. I had to learn Spanish quickly (or at least all the bad words) so that I knew what people were saying about me.
Until I graduated HS and moved away I had no idea how privileged I was. I didn’t realize that our house that was literally on a hill overlooked the streets in town that was run by the most violent gang. I didn’t realize that many of my friends didn’t come to my house, and I wasn’t welcome at theirs, I just thought it was normal to only see your friends at school. As I fretted over college applications, many of my friends didn’t even apply to schools out of state because they thought that anywhere outside NM wouldn’t take a hispanic or native kid.
In NM there is a lot of tension between white, hispanic, and native people, most of it surrounding atrocious behavior that happened several generations ago. But none of that tension can be compared to how black and asian people are treated. I didn’t have a black friend until middle school because there were almost no black families in our town. Those who were brave enough to stay were treated so unfairly that most town citizens didn’t even know that black families existed, they kept to their select few because so many people said they didn’t like their kind. Some folks didn’t let their girls come to my 12th birthday sleepover because my 2 black friends were going to be there.
This is the culture I grew up in, the culture I still live in. As much as this whole discussion made me think of my opportunities and deceptively simple racial biases, it also made me think of some precious kids in our church. I see sweet faces every Sunday from Guatemala, Ethiopia, China, Haiti, Russia, Uganda, and hundreds of other places who are growing up in this culture. I’ve thought of the hateful things people might say to my daughter because she is Asian and I’ve wondered how to prepare her heart for this. These children, adopted into amazing families, are facing some really hard realities as they grown up.
How do we change this culture for them? How do we make it so that people don’t single these kids out? How do we teach their generation to be mindful of what others are experiencing? How do we teach our kids not to be color-blind but to be color-joyful? How do we get our kids to appreciate the physical differences in all of us rather than seeing them as things to be (at best) ignored, or (at worst) suspicious of?
Like I said, my heart is heavy.
I love you, friend. I am so, so sorry for all you’ve been through.
Oh my goodness, thank you for your kindness. I actually didn’t put this in, but meant to: as much as I thought I understood prejudice growing up, I truly had no idea what it was like outside of my experience as a white girl in a brown town. I am so thankful that God has given me opportunities to see outside of my limited life into lives that are much deeper and richer in experience than mine..
I appreciate this post. In my opinion, it and JM’s long comment, are both way better at communicating the heart of the matter than the original FB article posted. I feel like what I personally was reacting to in the other thread did not have to do with white privilege or racism. It was more about being wise as far as speaking as if we truly know everything about a situation when all we really know is what we see on TV. In general, I am just slow to do that. I do see how difficult it is for people not to react immediately to this situation, though.
And also I was reacting b/c I feel if you really do have truth to communicate, then do it in a gracious, humble way…..not belittling those who don’t see it yet. If you really want to open someone’s eyes and help them see, telling them that if they don’t see it your way, they must be ignorant, incapable and have no empathy is not going to work. I didn’t like the article b/c it didn’t humbly and graciously communicate truth. It made lots of assumptions that may or may not be completely clear yet, and it basically called everyone who wasn’t quite on board yet imbeciles. That gets attention and inflames lots of people, but is not good leadership or good communication. It’s one step forward and two steps back! However, I completely agree with the point of this post and the heart behind it. It was done with far more humility, far less assuming, and far less belittling of those who are still wrestling through it. It might actually make a person think the issue over instead of immediately turning them off by the arrogance and posturing dogmatism. You both make a lot of good, thought-provoking points here. I really do appreciate the heart that is shared in the post and also from commenters on the issue. Made me think….in a good way! (unlike last night)
Thanks for being so gracious, Tarah. The fb thread did take a turn I didn’t mean for it to take, and I didn’t know how to “fix” it. This was my meager attempt.
I’m super thankful for people like you who can see through my mess to my heart. A heart that is constantly in need of cleaning/purifying.
I have to say I fully believe and agree with your points however I’m really not sure how white privilege cam from this specific case. The man accused of killing this innocent young man was NOT white?
And also I think that the list of privileges assumes a certain class of ‘white’ people. As a low income white family we can not afford to live in an area where we aren’t the minority. We live in a neighborhood where we are shunned and mistreated because of the color of our skin. My children have been attacked verbally because not only are they white but they don’t care what color their friends are (as if they had much choice in our area if they want any friends at all). I know that we may be the exception to the rule but there are several of the 26 privileges that in no way apply to my family. But for me, I don’t see where continuing to point out these things makes things better. I mean I get education, and people really don’t get it and watching the Help opened my eyes to how recently much of the constant abuses were happening. Not they are all gone now but I believe at least today the average middle income person would not have the guts to openly be so bigoted. But what I never really hear is how, HOW do we move into the right direction? Will we ever reach all the people who are full of hate?
Great question, Lisa (about the killer not even being white). I definitely didn’t have the time or space (or mental energy) to elaborate on everything I wanted to. I don’t think I made one of my main points clear enough. For years and years, we whites have dismissed blacks as chalking everything up to racism whether it is or not. But I think we haven’t really, truly been empathizing with them (putting ourselves in their shoes). The Trayvon case outraged my black friends because it was piled on top of every other time they’ve been wronged. I don’t have that long history of injustice against me, so it’s so much easier to just write it off.
Does that help at all? I really appreciate your thoughtful challenge. And I KNOW I’m not getting all of this right. Trying hard though.
I love your post, and I hate that your kids are being treated like that!
You may be a “statistical exception” but it should just plain never happen.
I think for me, as a Black woman, the first step to the “how will things get better?” question is to actually HAVE a conversation, where Black people and White people alike feel completely listened to. I feel right now, it’s really uncomfortable and we all just want to move on, but true understanding won’t come from lack of communication. It’s that way in every relationship.
As far as “w-privilege” (as we used in my HBCU), the poem above by Yalonda B.W. gives a very unique perspective of raising a son in America; a perspective that White people do not have the disadvantage of having. I hope that makes sense!
Hi again, Lisa. Dela’s comment reminded me that I meant to say the same thing. I’m so sorry for you and your family and how you’re treated. I’m praying for all of you right now. And asking God some of your questions.
“I don’t see where continuing to point out these things makes things better.”
Racism and White Privilege in the U.S. are two sides of the same coin. We cannot truly address racism as long as we as a society refuse to accept the existence and the power of White Privilege.
And White Privilege DOES relate to this case directly, at least as it operates in the converse: Trayvon Martin was a suspect simply because he was black. His killer would not have shot a white kid acting, walking and talking as Trayvon did. And if he did, he would have been arrested, and would be preparing his “stand your ground” defense for his trial.
At this point, I believe continuing to ‘point things out’ is needed because we need to understand each other and quit hating one another for seeing things differently. I posted stuff about Trayvon Martin for days on my Facebook page, and the only response I finally received was someone posting an article that seemed to imply that race wasn’t a factor and this whole thing was much ado about nothing. He then posted the same article on his Facebook page, and one of the commenters said that Trayvon’s family and the ones protesting needed to ‘grow up’ and quit blaming things on race.
I don’t think we’re ever going to reach all the people who are full of hate, but we can reach good people who are currently ignorant that are willing to humble themselves and learn.
This is EXACTLY how I feel, Judy. Especially love the first and last sentences of your comment. AMEN!!