a fart by any other name…

A week ago today, I had a poof of inspiration, if you will, and posted this on Facebook:

Don’t ask questions; just answer this one: When you were growing up (or even right now), what alternative word did/do you use for “fart”? (If you just said “fart,” you don’t need to answer.) Thank you, and God bless. (crying laughing emoji)

Off the top of my head, I could think of maybe SIX other words for fart. WHO KNEW there were over A HUNDRED??

(And there are probably a lot more “lingering” out there. Please feel free to share additional fart substitutes in the comments.)

YOU PEOPLE GO TO SUCH GREAT LENGTHS TO AVOID THE WORD “FART.”

It’s beautiful.

It took me all of forever to copy and paste all your words and then categorize them as follows, but it was a labor of love.

Drumroll please…

Most Popular Word for Fart (by a landslide):
Toot— Amy, Britt, Kimberly, Betsy, Stacey, Thea, Heidi, Tina, Kim, Jennifer, Kimberly, Pamela, Amy, Michelle, Rachelle, Joy, Cyndee’s kids, Danielle, Yuki, Oline, Lindsay, Mary, Nicki, Anne, Rachelle, Alexis, Lindee, Melanie, Ashley, Rebecca, Megan, Jolie’s kid, Amanda, Laura, Lacey, Amy, Rachel, Nicole, Carol, Charlotte, Ashley

See Also:
Tootie— Lisa

Blaming it on (or ending the lives of) Innocent Animals:
Shooting a bunny/shot a bunny— Julie, Carrie-Anne
Stepped on a duck— Dawn, Kelly, Ashley’s dad
Stepped on a frog— Tina’s husband, Krista, Renae
Barking spider— Tina, Reece, Nikki, Danielle’s dad, Joyce, Matt
Tennessee Barking Spider— Betsy
That darn duck is back— Nicky
Barking tree frog— Kayla, Michael
Elephant— Jason’s daughter
Mouse on a motorcycle— Stephanie’s aunt, Gail’s dad
Bullfrog— Rebecca
There’s a tiny duck in the room— Liza’s daughter
Passed a bunny— Nicole’s fiance

Onomatopoeia (or Ridiculous Made-up words that start with P or F or B):
Foof (or Phoof)— Derek
Patootie— Stacey
Fluff/fluffed— Stacey, Rebecca, Emma, Jenny, Julie, Anne, Rachelle, Joy, Susan, Ashley
Fluff (female only)— Molly
Pop-off— Emma, Ruth, Dee 
Poot— Christiana, Tara, Lisa, Kay, Laina, Mordecai’s wife
Biff— Kristia
Poopy doop— Judy
Boops— Jennifer
Blump— Jen
Pop— Katie, Jessie’s 6yo
Foofer— Alicia, Kara
Pooter— Rhoda
Ferthered— Anne
Flubb— Jonna
Pootz— Judy
Phiffer— Valerie 
Beezers— Alf
Beep–Joy’s husband
Poof— Kathy
Fluffy— Toran
Pookie— Jennifer
Puffle— Addie
Petho— Kathleen
Blitz— Jud
Boofs— Matt

Food-Related Words (ew.):
Cut the cheese— Britt, Cheryl
Cracked a bean— Melissa
Peanut butter ball— Tasha
Air biscuit— Brad
I Cheesed— Amy

Atmospheric Terms:
Windy/windied— Julie, Jenny
Break wind— Britt, Cyndee, Ben’s grandpa Elmer
Passed wind— Ruth
Passed a windy— Ashley’s mom
Pass gas— Britt, Joy, Comfort, Kristy, Debra, Polly
Gas— Jennifer, Susan, Sandy, Cheryl, Sarah
Vapors— Annmarie
Blow/blew gas— Jen
Cut air— Deborah
Winder–Laura

The Correct Scientific Terminology:
Flatulence— Hannah

Terms that Include References to the Anatomy From Whence They Came:
Gas butt— Kristin
Burped from my butt— Jenny’s niece
Bottom burp— Ariel, Kim’s son
Hiney gas— Lisa’s FIL
My buns are talking— Grace’s son
Butt puffs—Allison’s mom
Booty air— Mandy
Tooty in your booty— Jen’s kids

Farts Known by Their Smell:
Stinker— Tiffany, Faith, Heidi, Kristin, Jennifer, Kim, Deborah, Addie, Jason, Joy, Angie
Stinky bubbles— Alicia’s kids
Bad smell— Dierdre
Stink bomb— Heidi
Stinky— Julie
Stinky burp— Tammy
Devil breath— Scott
SBD— Dorian, Matt

Farts Characterized by Their Sound:
Blowing the horn— Heidi
The floor is creaking— Nicky
Hmm… squeaky board— Melissa’s dad
Honker— Kathleen
Gun shots— Matt
Machine gun farts— Matt
Butt squeaks—Heidi

Words for Fart That You Could Also Name Your Dog:
Barney— Tasha
Buster— Melanie

Vehicular-Related Farts:
Backfire— Grant
Pumped the gas— Rikki’s son
That’s a poop honking for the right of way— Stephanie
Crop dusters— Matt, Kendra
Was that a helicopter?— Grace’s son

Possible Reference to U.S. Presidential Candidate (by an Australian):
Trumpy pants— Nicki

Farts with Texture Issues:
Liquid stink— Dorian
Sharts— Matt

Farts Around the World:
Fong-pee (Mandarin)— Grant
Pedo (Spanish)— Grace
Pangkoo (Korean)— David
Paom– (Khmer)— our Cambodian friends

Because I Ran Out of “Gas” and Lumped the Rest of These All Together:
Wiffle— Pamela’s husband
Blowing a kiss— Heidi
Let one— Kathleen
Fire in the Hole!— Kelly
Trouser burp (male only)— Molly
Honey, I blew you a kiss— Carrie’s husband
I just released pressure!— my FIL
Snarts— Matt
Bonus (as in, I have to bonus): Kimberly’s brother
Whoop ere— MaryAnn’s grandpa

The Word My Family Used:
Fred (a verb, not a noun) (Did you fred?) (I don’t even know. Nobody else used this word! Where did this come from? Mom??)

Let’s Cut to the Cheese–I mean, Chase!
So, why in the name of all that is fluffy, AM I BLOGGING ABOUT THIS??

Well, here’s a clue.

Oh, I’ll just tell you. I’m turning that blog post into an e-book.

I know!! INSANITY, right?

Well, I’ve never claimed to be all there.

And I already know some of you will refuse to buy the book on principle. Any book with “fart” in the title is a big no-no. So inappropriate. So unbecoming. So uncouth.

(BUT IT WILL BE SO STINKING FUNNY.)

(I won’t tell your Mom you read it.)

And your brilliant Fart Alternatives will make it in the book somehow, don’t worry. (Even though the book is not really about farts so much as discovering your passion, but this Fart Word Collection has been a real poot–I mean HOOT!)

If you have one to add, FIRE (in the hole) AWAY!

11 thoughts on “a fart by any other name…

    1. Jess

      My Latino cousins called it fo-fo (pronounced with a long ‘o’). 😃.

      This list was enlightening!

      Though of another one for the liquid texture category. Not MY TERM, a friend’s mother’s. Hershey Squirt. Oh wait. Thats a dual category!

  1. Sharon Wang

    I had a friend who used the term Anal Zephyr. I recently found out that the definition of Zephyr is: A gentle wind.

    I LOVED this post so much. Your categorizing the list made it all the more enjoyable 😀

  2. Tina

    Farple was the only word we were allowed to use growing up. My mom hated the word fart. But, she also made us refer to our vaginas as Suzy…

  3. Melissa

    We were playing Loaded Questions one time and for that one, there’s a common question everyone answers and one person guesses who wrote what. It was other names for poop. There were some hilarious answers for that one, let me tell you.

  4. Tanya Dennis

    In one of her books, Tessa Afshar’s characters called it a “lower cough.” I believe it was Rahab in “A Pearl in the Sand.” http://amzn.to/2cdLXmf

    When my son was little I asked if he had a trumpet in his pants. He responded by saying, “No, but Grandpa has a tuba in his!” 😉

  5. Shari

    Pooknol. (Russian)
    Blow off (British)
    Let one
    Cut the cheese
    Rip one
    My boys could probably add more. (This mother says, while rolling her eyes)

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