what makes YOU fart?

I’m going against my better judgment here, because that’s just what I do. Not really. Well, sometimes.

For starters, I was not allowed to say the word “fart” growing up. Not exactly sure why. Too crass? Uncouth? Sounded like a cuss word? I couldn’t say “butt” either. So, there was a lot of talk about tooting and bottoms at our house. (and the occasional rebellious “butt-head”)

These days, “fart” and “butt” are like my two favorite words.

Kidding.

I do let my girls say the words, but we balance it out with proper words like “booty.”

Second of all, I’m about to reveal something that’s probably better left private. But I have this thing about wanting people to know they’re not alone. Although sometimes it backfires, like the time I asked a friend, “Is it just me, or do you stare at other women’s boobs?”

Her blank stare made me want to crawl in a hole.

Until she said, “Noooooo, but I do stare at their rear ends.” Come to find out, I was a little obsessed with finding a bosom friend, so to speak, someone who, like me, bought her bras in the junior department.

My friend was super-happy with her own bosom but didn’t really like her rear.

As I share this story with women all over the place during my “Sex Talk,” I get to hear all kinds of fun tales of which body parts different people ogle. You’d be surprised.

OKAY. Time to get to my point.

We had the BEST day Wednesday at my mom and dad’s house. Me, my fam, my parents, my two sisters, their husbands, and their combined five adorable kiddos. We were all sitting outside in camping chairs in a circle, enjoying the gorgeous weather and each other. We had just spent time introducing the littles to my Uncle Tim’s dairy farm and then picked some delicious cherries.

I don’t remember how the whole convo got started. Maybe it was Baby Lila’s enormous toot and subsequent squirty poop that very nearly got all over Bethany. Then I brought up the interesting fact Uncle Tim had shared with me in the barn earlier. I had asked if we could bring the kiddos back at milking time, because it’s so awesome, and then I remembered he doesn’t like a big crowd because it makes the cows jittery.

And he said, “It’s not that it makes them jittery. They just get all excited, and the dung and urine production increases exponentially.”

Ah, so that’s why I’ve never once been in the barn and NOT seen a cow pee or poop.

And then, sitting in that intimate circle of family I love, LIGHTBULB.

Bookstores make me fart.

Not sometimes or occasionally, but ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of the time. I walk in a bookstore, and bam! I have to fart. Whether I actually do or not, I’m not going to say. I do have a tiny bit of dignity I’d like to preserve.

So I shared this with my family, brothers-in-law included. And one person in the circle said, “I have to fart in bookstores too, but I thought it was the coffee.” Maybe it is. This person loves coffee. Another person said, “I have to fart when I’m out in nature.” This person loves nature.

And on and on it went.

When we are in our happy place (with books, smelling coffee, enjoying the great out-doors), our excitement leads to relaxation, and the relaxation leads to gas. (I don’t claim to know the scientific explanation for this.)

And I had another lightbulb moment. A big chunk of what I do writing-&-speaking-wise is to get people to find out what they’re most passionate about and use it to serve God and others. And sometimes it’s so hard for people to figure out what it is they love.

And to that, I say, “FIND OUT WHAT MAKES YOU FART, AND GO DO THAT WITH ALL YOUR HEART.”

I’m so on to something here. A new book. A speaking tour. Who knows? The sky’s the limit.

Livi asked me later if I fart in airports since I love to travel. I probably do! I’m going to pay close attention next time. Or maybe when I’m holding globes or sitting on the ground holding beautiful children in Cambodia.

Sigh.

Okay, brave souls. Spill it. What makes YOU fart?

19 thoughts on “what makes YOU fart?

  1. Pingback: a fart by any other name… – Marla Taviano

  2. Pingback: the heart of a vagabond | Marla Taviano

  3. Jamie

    Thrift stores. Thrift stores make me regular. Some take more fiber for “regularity”, I go to thrift stores.

    True story. Went to my/your favorite thrift store once. I had to poop. I had to poop bad. I wanted to finish looking at the rack BEFORE I went to the bathroom. I didn’t make it. I literally held my butt like a 3 year old running to the bathroom. No. Even. Joking. Got to the bathroom. Threw my underwear away. Put my pants back on…commando style. Went over to the underwear. STOLE, yes….I said stole, a pair of .90c underwear, ran into the bathroom, put the underwear on. And….now…I go to the bathroom FIRST thing whenEVER I enter a thrift store.

  4. Rachelle

    This is like “meaning of life” theology level! It *always* happens to me in libraries, book stores or when writing! And dear lord help me if I’m writing at the library! Here I thought it was my rebel stomach wanting to be known in a place you’re supposed to be quiet in! Can you imagine the sense of humor it took on God’s part to add this little gem when He was knitting us in our mother’s womb? “I’m going to give her her mother’s eyes, her father’s height and she’s going to fart around books!”

  5. Marcy

    Your blog makes me fart…and I’m not just saying that. I truly mean it. 😉 I guess that would be a compliment! I loved this one Marla.

  6. Jen Hanson

    Aaaaaand this is one of the reasons I love you so much.

    I will have to pay attention to what makes me fart. That insight is fascinating.

    So while I can’t answer the fart question (or “tooty in your booty” as we say to the twins), I will admit to being an itty-bitty booby owner who tends to admire a nice set of wish-I-had-those bountiful boobies on other women. So there you go.

  7. Bill

    Read this to my wife yesterday and we were rolling. So all day we were looking at each and asking ourselves when we farted…is this it? I was outside doing yard work when it happened and I know for sure that’s not what I’m supposed to be doing. Then I was in the hardware store…hmmm…maybe something there. Oh, and then there was Kroger. Nah, definitely not in the grocery business. I’ll be thinking about this scientific study further.

  8. Rachelle

    I can hardly type for laughing!! Clyde told me, while we were dating, that when you love someone you fart in their presence. I’ve been deeply loved for 20+ years!!
    And my confession, several years ago I was shopping and had to toot(wasn’t allowed to say fart /butt either). Right away a woman came into the isle I uh, yep. As I hurried away she looked around then sniffed her baby’s bottom! Told here, told now.

  9. Shannon

    Oh my word, I’m dying! Growing up, “fart” was THE f-word. I once said it in the car on a drive back from camping in Canada, and after my mother explained that I would “get nowhere in life with language like that,” I was required to listen to a Jack Canfield seminar on cassette during the remainder of the trip – something about the power of positive speaking or I don’t know… something motivational.

    Love the idea here, Marla! I’m going to have to pay much more attention to this issue so I can figure out where my greatest passions lie!

  10. Kimberly

    Target, showers and my bed. I think you are onto something but I can’t really find any way to make any if these a worthwhile passion 🙂

  11. jess

    WOW! I love a good scientific study! I’m going to have to pay close attention now! this is hilarious!! (and you might actually be on to something!!)

  12. Elizabeth

    I tried very hard to not allow the f-word in our home, but my husband overruled me very early in our parenting years. I guess for him “pop” wasn’t an accurate enough word. Sigh.

    So, I’ve noticed that walking into a bookstore or an organized home/store/whatever both make me fidgety. I LOVE books and I LOVE order, so you put those two things together and I can hardly contain myself! Crate&Barrel is my kryptonite.

  13. Amy

    i don’t know about the farting thing in a bookstore but oh my do i always have to use the restroom….related to farting! no idea why. my friends always laugh at me! gotta find the bathroom ASAP when i go to a bookstore. and trust me when i say i love the book loft, but they need better bathrooms!!!

  14. melissa irwin

    oh my gosh – this is hilarious. i will have to pay more attention to this. i know that there have been many times (tmi) that i’ve thought …. i wonder where THAT came from? especially if i knew that i hadn’t eaten any beans. who knew? now i do. i’ll pay more attention and the next time i have to fart i’ll let you know what i was doing or where i was and then i’ll start an organzation to champion it. “world farts united” perhaps.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *