what are you compensating for?

I don’t have much time this morning, so I’ll make this quick. (and probably be back later)

We all do it. We’re insecure about one aspect of ourselves, so we try to make up for it somewhere else. Like my friend who told me once that she knows she’s not smart, so she tries to look as good as she can to make up for it. (For me it was the opposite. I’ll never be the “hot chick” but at least I’m smart.)

What is it for you? (NYMs, please answer too!!)

Or how about with your kids? My child may be the shortest kid in kindergarten, but by goodness, I’m going to make sure he’s the best soccer player. Or, my child may not be potty-trained at 2 1/2, but she knows where Oklahoma is on the map. (ahem)

Or how about these? My kids may eat junk food, but at least they _____________. I may not stay home with my kids, but I sure do _________________. My baby is only in the 5th percentile for height and weight but she _________________.

And one dear friend just told me this week that because of her child’s physical deformity, she wants this little one to be better than other kids in other areas. She said she knows it’s wrong, but she still does it. (I would too.)

You may not feel comfortable sharing your answers in the comments, but if you don’t mind messaging me, that would be great. This issue is so big, and I know that being honest about it can be really freeing–and help other people too!

Oh, and God gave me an amazing writing idea while I was running/walking this morning. I’m awfully excited. I’ve been praying that He’ll just empty me of my own words/thoughts/agendas and fill me with exactly what He wants me to say. He’s doing it. He’s awesome.

Have a great day!!

28 thoughts on “what are you compensating for?

  1. kellycohan

    Is it too late to add? I’ve had to think about this for a day, cause evidently it’s so ingrained in me it’s 100% subconscious. Yuk. But I came up with a couple.

    I may not have gotten 12 promotions since we graduated/be a VP in my company, but I balance my work-life better. I may not keep as nice a house as her, but I have an (important-sounding) consulting job.

    (see, mine are so dumb, they contradict one another.)

    My house may not be decorated that well, but I’ve renovated it myself. I may not be as well-dressed as you, but I can do my own plumbing.

    Sheesh.

  2. YoYoYoder

    Wow, this is fun–reading everyone’s vain comments. I wasn’t going to put down anything, but everyone’s transparency has inspired me to share:

    You may be prettier than me, but I’m skinnier. You may have more money than I do, but I enjoy my life and I’m not stressed out. You may have cooler clothes than me, but I like my husband better than yours. You may live where it’s warmer, but at least I get snow days and cancellations. You may have a house, but I like my life better than yours.

    I don’t think “compensating” is always a bad thing. Sometimes when I get jealous of someone else, it’s good to remind myself of the blessings I have and that I don’t know all the aspects of her life. No one’s life is perfect and I like the life God’s given me.

  3. Giraffney

    Sometimes when I feel like I’ve given up on something I remeind myself that I just refuse to settle for anything less than what I want/deserve/need.  That really helps me.

  4. Anonymous

    Hehe… I’m snickering because Mrz. Moore did a little something like this about three months ago on her blog… and I think it’s for a book!  GOD is so big!!!  And consitant!  🙂  (He is so cool… I get the willies just watching Him work!)

    I’d add more too… but I can’t claim enough brain cells at the moment.  (If you think of it, pray for my sick Hannah… so we can all sleep again, and I can finish helping with VBS this week?)

    Blessings!

  5. kkakwright

    okay, i didn’t mean that i wasn’t smart, i meant that i am so disconnected from current events that i never have ANY idea what anyone is talking about.  tomatoes have salmonilla?  what?

  6. stephaniedawnbasham

    I might not have as much money as you, but I have a better marriage and I’m happier than you are. Or – you might have a bigger, nicer house, but I have a better decorating style. Or – you might have a better job, but I’m actually a lot smarter than you. Or – you might have nicer clothes, but I’m prettier. Or – you might be curvier than me, but I’m taller, so ha!

    Wow. I’m a horrible person.

  7. kkakwright

    k3rry may be a holy terror sometimes but at least he is potty trained.

    addy may be whiney and clingy 75% of the time but at least she dresses herself and makes her own bed now (quite a battle)

    kain may have an umblicial hernia that causes everyone to stare at the water park and totally buck teeth from thumb-sucking but at least…..ummm…..not sure

    my husband may not have a job but he did stick to his values

    i may not be able to spar in a verbal debate but my make up will look good as i sit there with a dumb look on my face.

  8. jonnalynn

    wow, i am a perfectionist and i do this ALL the time. about many things. it’s shameful, really!

    i may not be a perfect ten, but at least my hair is awesome. i may not make tons of money but at least i’m not wasteful with what i have (by who’s standards??? haha). i may not be the most outgoing person in a crowd, but at least i’m not fake. obviously so irrational. i sure do have issues with pride.

  9. faithchick

    i compensate for not buying my kids very many toys by listening to the door-to-door salesman’s schpeal and caving in and spending way too much on two really, really cool books.  crap & a half.
    circa: 20 minutes ago.

  10. rebates

    I may not be totally “in fashion” but at least I know how to dress myself in a flattering way.

    I may not be the most popular one, but at least I’m smart and can carry on a good conversation.

    I may not have much money, but at least I’m staying home with my baby. 

    Oh, so many prideful things…at least I’m not ignorant about what’s really healthy to eat…or safer cleaning…

    I’m perfectionist; I want to be the best at everything. 

  11. jessyomama

    by the way, i hope i’m not making you feel weird when i blog about potty training gavin – did you notice in my edit that apparently he’s potty trained himself? everybody is ready when he (or she) is ready. (ethan was about 3)

    and my child definitely doesn’t know where oklahoma is on the map 🙂

  12. jessyomama

    I ask God every morning to show me what He expects out of my children and how He’s growing them. God taught me last year about how what I do really doesn’t affect who my kids are going to be unless I am pushing them in the direction He wants them to go. I have a big responsibility, but it’s to Him. (I’m not talking about hands-off parenting) I totally did not do that in Anna’s toddler years (and I still stink at it much of the time)…

    I am so glad that right before Anna went into kindergarten one of my great friends had a vision of Anna as an adult, being completely joyful in the work that the Lord had for her – she didn’t know what it was – and that was when God hit me with the fact that HE is the one taking her somewhere. I just need to get on the train.

    So it’s hard to compare anymore (even though my heart still leans that way) because I have no idea where God’s taking other people’s children (or mine, half the time – hahaha)

  13. MlleBaroque

    As a new mom, I don’t really compensate much for my munchkin yet, but I definitely always have for myself.

    – “My house may be smaller than yours, but by golly it’s going to look cleaner!”
    – “I may not have money to buy a million ingredients to make fancy dinners, but by golly my meals are going to taste better!”
    – “I may look young and immature, but I’ll bet I can kick your butt in a verbal debate!”
    – “I may not be tall, blonde, and gorgeous, but I’ll bet my husband is better looking and a better husband than yours!” <– LOL, yes sometimes I actually think this to myself!

    And I could come up with a million more.  I’m terribly insecure, especially in front of my hubby’s family, so I’m constantly compensating or trying to convince myself not to care.  I’m sure once my daughter gets older I’ll want to do the same thing with her.  Lord help me not to!

  14. OkinawaAna

    I may not be pretty, but my husband is a hottie.  🙂  And I may not have a high-powered and important job during the weekday, but I keep myself more than busy with ministries at our church during the weekend.  (I really don’t believe that’s why I do it, but it’s easy to start to take pride in these things when I feel like not having a job keeps me from really making a difference.) 

    And my tiny tot may weigh less than her little sister (which she does), but she’s one heck of a dancer.  Ha!

  15. luvmynoah

    I may  not be skinny but, I’m funny and full of personality.

    My kids may be in the 5th percentile and small but at least they’re smart and cute! 

    Such a good topic Marla.  The title alone made me nervous to read the blog!  We all compensate in so many areas I’m sure.  It’s a struggle for me to just be who God wants me to be…and to be content.  It’s hard to not want to be more, prettier, different. 

  16. jrfriend

    Here’s a couple:

    I may not be skinny but at least I know how to dress.

    We might not have had the most expensive stuff but we were happy.

    Where is all of this leading? 

  17. ladymiss3739

    I don’t know…(I’m not saying that I don’t, just that I’m not sure)!  Is it possible to not have any one thing?  For me, I’m a perfectionist big time.  And it tends to carry over into more than just one area of my life, so oftentimes one area that I feel I don’t measure up to the standard in gets tons of attention, but then other areas slide.  So I hop on over to another area, and consequently (is that right?) end up ignoring the first area I put so much time into.  In a sense for me, it’s a constant juggling act that never really gets all the balls up in the air. 

  18. FlyingCAB

    Am I a NYM?  I’m not good at accronyms….but I’ll answer either way!  Here’s mine…

    I have never been “cool” (ie – sophisicated, together, popular, partier etc) so I try to compensate by being extra nice and giving, so people will still like me. 

    I’m sure there are others – but that’s the first one that comes to mind!

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