we must be worth it

EDIT: (2:15 pm) I feel the need to confess that I’ve just snapped. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, and I can’t stop them. The cause of the tears is not even a huge deal. I made it through the nastiness with flying colors, and now some little straw broke my back… Just wanted to share that with anyone who was feeling guilty for not being Little Miss Joy in the Midst of Tribulation.

WARNING: Rated PG-13 for language (references to puke and poo)

Lots of trials and testing today it seems. I’m choosing to look at mine today as proof of my worth. God must find me worthy of tests and trials because He has a lot of wonderful character to produce in me as a result. Satan must find me worthy of attack, because He hates all that character-producing God is busy doing in my life.

Sooo, I’m finding all sorts of joy in my day, in spite of all that has happened. Here’s a nutshell recap of the past 12 hours:

–late last night, Nina vomits all over everything in her bed. Bathe her, change sheets, clean up floor, spray room, brush her teeth, rock her to sleep, clean vomit off clothes/blankets, throw everything in washer
–crawl into bed exhausted at 1:30
–will be missing Bible study AGAIN
–Ava wakes up crying with a fever at 2:30, let her climb into bed with us
–put Ava back in her own bed 30 minutes later with medicine and water
–wake up at 7:00, Nina’s room reeks of rotten fish
–change nastiest diaper of her life (she was completely plastered with poo), another bath, clean up bed and floor, get her dressed, blah, blah, blah
–get breakfast for Gabe and Livi, give Nina gatorade and cheerios
–Nina throws up, clean it up, blah, blah
–Ava can’t eat, washer is not working
–Livi says, “Nina smells!” Nasty diaper #2, new clothes, no bath this time!, clean up poo spot on living room floor (thank you, Lord, that we can’t afford new carpet yet!), clean up another poo spot where she sat down and leaked through
–10 minutes later discover another poo spot (stepped in it) and a board book with poo on it–gross!
–try to escape to take a shower, strip down, wash face, water is freezing cold–broken washer used up all our hot water for NOTHING. Grrr…Get dressed.
–there’s more, but it’s all very minor.

Good news: Nina is napping, Livi is ready to head out the door to walk with Sophie and her dad to the bus stop, Ava is feeling better and ate a bagel.

Lord, is the test over? Please tell me it’s over? Did I pass? Did I pass?

p.s. So far so good on the Lent stuff. More thoughts later, but I’m doing no pop, no chocolate, and no candy.

Hang in there, everybody!!

23 thoughts on “we must be worth it

  1. jbnygaard

    Oh Marla! I wish I could be there to let you cry on my shoulder!

    Go to a window in your house with the most sunlight coming in. Close your eyes and feel the warmth of the Son touch your face. Cry out to the Lord and through your tears. May you feel His presence and Love surrond you and lift you up. May you know that ‘this too shall pass’.

    I’m praying for you. Love you bunches!!!

  2. MsBlink

    Randomly stopped by…

    (((Hugs))) Maria, you are amazing.  I don’t know you from ADAM! But I since it through your words.  Remember that God sets trials so that we become stronger and more willing to work our spiritual gift(s) in His favor.  He might be revealing the true greatness of faith in you with all that’s going on.

    Keep PRESSING forward!

    ~MsBlink

  3. jessmariecarpenter

    hey marla,

    i’ve started getting your blog in my email every morning. love it.

    when i was younger my mom would reference james (the passage you are talking about…trials produce character..character…hope, etc) I used to ask her if I was just going to be one big lump of character? I still feel that way often. I loved your first paragraph.

    amazon had a glitch..your book is supposed to be here today/tomorrow. gave me a chance to read a baby book in between.

  4. OkinawaAna

    Hoping that you and your girls all feel better soon.  I love that your older daughter was helpful enough to tell you that the baby was smelly.  Like you didn’t already know!  🙂

  5. ctorlone

    Marla,  hang in there…sometimes all we can do is cry because it just needs to go somewhere.  rest assured it won’t last forever, it just feels like it will never end right now.  love you…and just fyi, Ellie has the diarrhea now too…it’s just ever so fun!!! UGH

  6. Nixter77

    So sorry you are feeling so yucky and that you had such a poo filled day, I will pray for you now my beautiful friend. You are an inspiration and I think you are doing a great job. Love ya xoxoox

  7. stephaniedawnbasham

    I am SO sorry for everything that went wrong. I would never have lasted as long as you did without breaking down. You are an amazing mother, and I hope I’m half as good at being a mom as you are.

    I agree with Kelly that I wish I was there to clean up poo for you and boil water to make a bubble bath for you.

    I love you!

  8. gsowell

    You did NOT need a broken washer right now. So sorry about that. I am praying that this bug will pass and you all will be healthy.

    And tears do not mean you are failing the test. They just mean you are human and feel like all humans do. Thankfully you have the God of all creation IN you, strengthening you, preventing you from acting like all humans do. (((Marla)))

  9. kellyleelizabeth

    Marla, I wish I could be there to help with the kids (I consider myself a vomit-cleaning expert after Monday) and make you something Lent-friendly to eat, and boil you hot water for a bubble bath… but you already bought me one plane ticket this month, so I’ll pray for you instead. Love you tons!!!

  10. KmHunsberger

    Thanks…I feel a little better considering my post was all complaining and confessing 🙂 Marla…so many of us look up to you, are proud of knowing you, think you are a wonderful mom, and the list goes on and on. Praying for some encouragement to tangibly touch you SOON!

  11. faithchick

    hugs to you.
    tears are good. it releases chemicals that need to be released.
    and ten you’ll feel better (i.e. my post today came after a week long tear-release.)

    i totally feel for you. this sahm/life business is HARD.

  12. lendy_p

    Poor you! Let me just say that you have sympathy AND empathy from me!
    (I think you are safe from being tempted to eat ANYTHING with that going on in your house! See, God is just helping you hold to your Lent promise….)

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