the myth about adoption

Sunday afternoon the girls and I are in the mini-van, and we start talking about our friends Sean and Megan who are adopting little Emelia from Ethiopia. (Please pray they get news soon. They had so hoped to bring her home in February.)

I’m not sure how it happens, but talk turns from Emelia to the possibility of us adopting someday. We’ve discussed it before, and I’d do it in a heartbeat if a.) God said so and b.) Gabe was on board and c.) I wasn’t so scared.

So, Ava says, “Can we adopt?? Please, please, please!!” And I give the standard, “Pray about it, and we’ll see what God says.”

We talk about what a big commitment it is and how much it costs. Then Livi says, “Would you rather adopt or go to Cambodia?”

Yowzers. Funny she should ask because I remember telling God once that if he ever wanted us to “give up our Cambodia Fund for adoption,” I would do it.

I told her honestly that I reeeeally want to go to Cambodia, but if God has a child for us to adopt and we had to choose, I would adopt.

“I think we shouldn’t adopt,” Nina piped up, her first contribution to the conversation.

The other two started ganging up on her for being a naysayer, but I shushed them and asked her why she didn’t think it was a good idea.

She talked about how she liked our family just like it is. I told her that I understood that but that there were so many little children who don’t have a mommy and a daddy and they need one.

“But I don’t want different parents,” she said, her sweet little voice thick with emotion.

“Honey, you wouldn’t have different parents,” I said. “We’d still be your parents. What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to go live with a different family!” she started crying. “I don’t want you to adopt me!”

I about started crying myself when I finally realized that she had adoption backward. She thought the people doing the “adopting” were the parents who couldn’t care for their kiddos and had to give them up.

Oh, sweet mercy. I think we have it all straightened out now.

Will we be adding to our family in the (near or far) future? Only time will tell.

p.s. Our Cambodia Fund is at $4572 and will be even higher when I get back from my speaking gig in Indiana. Praise you, Jesus!

20 thoughts on “the myth about adoption

  1. Shannon Wheeler

    Wonderful post. Adoption and orphan care are a foremost passion of my heart, and my husband and I (who have 3 bio kids) have had an adoption of twin infants and also an adoption of a teen boy in Ukraine be met with closed doors by the Lord in the past few years. The first time (with the babies), we saw God’s plan unfold immediately, as we conceived our youngest a couple weeks later. I’m still struggling to reconcile my heart’s desire to adopt with God’s will for us regarding the boy we love in Ukraine (who we have “adopted” in our hearts and have a wonderful relationship with, which we will maintain, providing for him from afar as best we can).

    It’s an issue that I blogged about a few posts ago, because the longing is so palpable that I almost wish God would relieve me of it, if it’s not His will. I trust, as you do, that if it is God’s will, my husband will say so as well, and right now we’re at a point of standing still. God’s taught me that there is a lot of good stuff going on in His work on me when I’m standing still and letting go of my tight grip on my dreams for myself.

    We have a possibility of going to do orphanage work in Africa as a couple this summer, so we’re seeking the Lord for provision and His leading in this.

    Thank you for bringing the topic of adoption up for your readers. I pray that if anyone who reads this feels a heart-tug for the orphan, that he or she will pray diligently that God would show His heart regarding that. In God’s Word, I’m overwhelmed to read of His heart for “the fatherless” and His promises to them – those blessings extend to families stepping out to care for them. I’m praying for you and your family, too, that God will speak to your hearts clearly about the “Cambodia” fund and about His dreams for your family. I know we can never out-give the Lord, and I would even venture to guess that if God does ask you to sacrifice the “fund” for an adoption, He will take you to Cambodia one day, too…..He’s pretty cool like that!

  2. Hannah

    I love how your response was straight away ‘ask God’. That is so often what is lacking in my conversations and my own personal thought process.

  3. Megan Bradford

    was a sweet, funny and wonderful post! If our process can help any family with their decision to adopt then PRAISE GOD! I know you haven’t made a decision yet, but it just got me so excited with the thought of God using us to help others.
    Erika- I never thought I could get through the waiting process and we are still waiting. Every day I wonder if I can make it one more day and God gets us through!

  4. Rhonda

    Poor Nina – glad you got it straightened out. Our boys (who were adopted) would love for us to adopt more children. Sammy is always telling me that he wishes we had 10 kids!

  5. Michele Willis

    I love this post…LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!! We’re in the process of adopting from China (have 2 boys…adopting a girl) and our kids are so excited about having a sister. I’m a HUGE advocate and passionate about adoption. I can’t wait to see what God does with this precious conversation!!! We’re still in fundraising mode as well. I’m running out of ideas…still need $20,000!!!

  6. erin

    Awww… that’s so sweet and sad that she had it backwards. And your girls sound so sweet that they are so willing to help other kids!!

    My best friend Rachel literally got back from Uganda last week with Simon (age 5) and it’s a HUGE challenge but he’s wonderful and fabulous and I can’t wait to see what God has in store for their new family.

  7. erika

    That just melted my heart. I have always told Mikias I would love to adopt from Ethiopia some day. But I don’t know if I could handle the waiting progress??

    1. Marla Taviano

      Yes you could! I would help you!! 🙂 Did you see what Megan wrote you?

      Erika- I never thought I could get through the waiting process and we are still waiting. Every day I wonder if I can make it one more day and God gets us through!

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