Feb
05
On my way to the lovely state of Michigan to speak to some women I just know are going to be AWESOME. Woohoo!! My dear friend Courtney is accompanying me on the 5-hour trip.
Well, I should say that’s the PLAN. It’s 10pm on Thursday night as I write this, and a Winter Storm Warning has been issued starting at 4am. (I’m supposed to leave at 8am.) If Courtney and I decide we’re too scared, Gabe the Babe will swoop in with his Cape of Fearlessness and drive me/us/the whole fam to Ohio’s Nemesis/Neighbor State.
I’m all about being flexible at this stage of the game.
Okay, here’s the deal. I loved, loved, LOVED your answers to “What Do You Call Your In-Laws?” Would you mind answering a couple more? No? Sweet! I’ve got a fun idea brewing in my brain…
You can pick one or answer both.
1. What is one thing your spouse’s family does that makes absolutely no sense to you?
2. What is one thing your family does that makes absolutely no sense to your spouse?
Feel free to sign in under a code name for this one!
Have an awesome weekend!
It makes no sense to me how everything is planned last minute in their family. A spontaneous get-together will be planned the day of, then I’ll feel guilty if we don’t go because we have something else on the calendar already (still don’t know if I create this feeling of guilt in my own mind or if it is actually coming from my in-laws).
Thus, it should be no surprise that what my husband finds most nonsensical about my family is how far ahead we plan almost everything!
These polar opposite situations cause issues when my in-laws what to do something spur of the moment, but we already have plans on that day with my parents – plan which have been on the calendar for weeks. It appears as though we are “choosing” my family over his and has caused some hurt feelings.
1a. First of all (you’ll find this interesting since earlier this week we talked about dishwashers), my MIL uses her dishwasher as a filing cabinet. I.AM.NOT.JOKING. Drives me nuts.
1b. My in-laws have their own language. (Luckily my husband didn’t inherit this.) Let me clarify that I’m country and won’t hesitate to admit it. But there is a difference between being country and being redneck. My in-laws are RED-NECK! For instance, instead of “windchimes”, they have “windcharms.” And its not a “treadmill”, its a “threadmill”. Oh, and let’s not forget the “frencher-fries”. I found it being a little funny when hubs and I were dating, but now IT DRIVES ME INSANE to hear them talk!
1c. Someone else mentioned this, but when we got engaged my MIL seemed so happy and wanted to be a part of everything, etc. Later I found out from another family member some hurtful things she had said behind my back. Unfortunately I’ve never been able to look at her the same way again
2. My husband doesn’t understand the close-knit family I have. Including extended family. We all still get together for major holidays (July 4th, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my grandmother’s birthday, etc.) and I talk to my cousins/aunts all the time. My husband still has to adjust to the big family gatherings, but I think most of it is because he never had that growing up. He barely knew his grandparents and to this day has some cousins (first cousins) he’s never seen.
Ok, I could go on-and-on-and-on but I’m going to stop.
I’ve enjoyed this form of THERAPY. Thanks Marla!
Good luck with the trip. It’s actually supposed to be worse here.
1) Not sure
2) EVERYTHING
good answers huh?
Wow –
#1a. His family pretty much doesn’t acknowledge that we exist. Dad & step-mom (his mom passed away very young) came to our wedding, and that was the last time we saw them, (4 years ago) with the exception of our oldest’s graduation last summer. We saw them for 15 mintues. I find it extremely strange and don’t get it. They have family christmas, holidays w/step-mom’s children. Don’t even receive card/phone calls. Obviously I’m missing something. Hubby says they are just distant and always have been.
#1b. they still visit his ex-wife, went to her wedding (in our town) didn’t call or see us.
#2a. I have a large extended family and like to spend time with them. it drives him crazy – but I can see why from what he is used to which is no family at all.
#2b. The Christmas gift opening that was mentioned above – we too go youngest to oldest, one at a time, it takes forever and makes him crazy. Oh well. I’ve just accepted it and if he chooses to stay home, we bring his gifts and watch him alone.
In-laws do need a book – thank GOD I am no longer in-laws with the former spouse. I would say they were a factor in our divorce. PTL that is in the past!
Hope you have a good weekend and a safe trip Marla! Blessings to you and those sweet ladies as you speak to them. How fun!
1. My in-laws don’t eat the right foods at the right time. For instance, one year my sister-in-law hosted Christmas at her house and we all had to eat tuna sandwiches for Christmas Eve dinner. That just wasn’t right. I’m from the South where meals are deals (I made a rhyme !), and tuna just doesn’t go with Christmas for me. I could give you other examples, but I must go on to number 2 for the sake of fairness.
2. I really can’t think of anything we do as a family that doesn’t make sense to my husband, but I do know it gets on his nerves when my parents visit and I ask my dad to do a few things around the house. My dad is the most wonderfully mild-mannered, loving man there is and he is a natural Mr. Fix-it. My husband is also a great man, but rarely gets around to fixing anything. So, when my parents visit about once a year I want to give my dad some stuff to do; otherwise he just has to sit in a chair all day and that’s not his style. So I ask him to fix this or plant that or paint this. My husband fumes. Finally, I think we may have gotten a grip on this. I’ve learned to ask my husband if it’s ok for my dad to do these things before I ask my dad to do them. We’re doing a little better with it now!
I don’t understand why my in laws have a dining table with only 4 chairs but they have 5 people living there. It really gets to me since family dinners are so important to me. My MIL makes dinner then it sits on the stove for sometimes hours as the children (all now in their 20s but still living at home – with the exception of my hubby) come through and load their plates to eat whenever it is convenient for them.
My family is very family oriented, my husband grew up without family dinners (or just quality time) and my family now (Mom & Dad, Sister, BIL,& their child, and my grandma) all still get together for dinners several times a week. We are always together, shopping, hair appointments, really any appointment (doctor, dentist, eye doctor) we just really enjoy being together and my husband doesn’t quite get it.
I’m in for a book on in laws, I’d be happy to talk!
Praying for travel blessing for you!
I had lunch with a girlfriend yesterday, and you will laugh but we were just talking about this
His famiy — there are certain rooms in their house that just are NEVER used, and you are not to step foot in those rooms, except for Christmas / Family Weddings / etc. For example, when you walk through the front door, to the right is the dinning room that leads to the kitchen. If you were going to the kitchen, it is a rule that you don’t walk the direct path to the kitchen through the dinning room, but rather walk around through the living room and down the hall. This one took me a while to get used to (oh, and the living room is now the kids toy room, so that rule has laxed up quite a bit from when I first met the family — I guess grandkids will do that to you!)
My Family — He doesn’t understand why the food is bland. Another bigger issue is that my family likes to go places (whether to eat, just drive around, etc), and my husband thinks its crazy. For example — resturants — my family will travel 15-20 minutes to get to a resturant (as long at there were no other time contraints for the evening), whereas his family would only travel about 5 minutes to get to a resturant (unless there was advanced planning involved, and lots of people were planning on coming to dinner).
1. his family-does everything too slow. EV-ER-Y-THING. get ready for the day/to go somewhere? lollygag for 2 hours first and then get going, maybe. or not- because it’s already too late so we might as well just stay home instead.
), then it’s not getting done right now…b/c something else needs to get done righthisverysecond. and if you’re going throug ha green light, by golly, you’d better stay right on the bumper of the other person…you don’t want to leave a gap AT ALL because that’s distance you could have covered already by not staying still. 
2. my family–does everything too fast. efficiency is the goal at all costs. “milk it or move it” is the theme. if something does not NEED attention right now/is not 100% important (closing dresser drawers in my case
we’re trying to strike a nice balance in our little world. but, it’s a point of frustration for both of us with each other. (usually in a humorous way, thankfully!
Oh geez.
I could also probably write a book.
1) Like someone else said, I am acknowledged as an “in-law” not a family member. That kinda irks me. They wanted family pictures at our wedding (AFTER the ceremony) that did not include me. I found that both hurtful and kinda weird?? They did the same thing when Jake was born. Big family pictures without me. Um hello? I just birthed the child!!!
They also expect us to travel all the time (um difficult with a newborn) and don’t understand WHY it might be a little harder for us than for them.
I better stop with this one before I really get out of control.
2) Seth can’t understand why my family opens Christmas presents one at a time. I understand that it’s excruciating. It takes HOURS and HOURS. We go youngest to oldest and you have to open your present…talk about it…”I’ve always wanted this”…pass the present around (almost like a wedding shower or something) and then it’s about 10 more minutes before the next person goes. His family basically says “1, 2, 3!” and everyone goes to town and we’re done in 5 minutes
I’ve got lots more to say about in-laws. I think I might desperately need you to write a book about them!!
1.) They don’t love on each other…hugs, kisses…NOTHING! They think love is buying gifts. ;(
2.) We are all hugs, kisses and quality time! I think my husband would like to put on a coat of armor before walking in to protect him to the love attacks.
They under communicate. We over communicate. It drives everyone crazy.
1a) They did not do a lot together when my husband was growing up.
1b) How they talk to eachother. Maybe it’s just a different way of communicating but it comes across as disrespectful. My husband and I have already talked about this at length.
2) How much time we spend together and how close my extended family is to each other.
Pretty much everything – on both sides.
Ha! I remember filling out your survey a few years ago. I wonder what I wrote!
1. They don’t plan anything in advance. Now, I know you have to be flexible once in a while, but you can’t do everything by the seat of your pants. This is hard for me when we are on vacation. Especially with a 2-year old that is potty training and takes a nap after lunch! Things just need to be planned in advance most of the time.
2. Probably how they can sit in front of the TV so long. He grew up in (very) rural Pennsylvania. He spent a lot of time outdoors and our family is more “indoors” people. We do like our TV…which is why my husband and I don’t even have one. It really sucks me in!
A book about in-laws? I think you just wrote one, Miss New Friend in Texas.
1. They don’t acknowledge me as part of their family. I’m an in-law, not a family member.
2. The love of stopping and shopping while on a trip. He wants to get in the car and go!
I think the saddest thing for me is that I always longed for a great in-law relationship. We’ve never had it and never will due to their choosing and that brings great sadness.
I really do love Gregg’s family! His MaMa is a wonderful human being whi never, ever in 15 years has imposed any way in the decisions we make….but their religion is a sticking point with me. I love the Lord and I am so thankful to him for my life that I love. They are Jehovah’s Witnesses and while his Mom has never pushed anything off on to me I know she has him but it’s his Mom not mine right? Some of the things his other family members say and imply are aggravating. I do not believe the same things they do, I’m never going to and I do not ever want my children to be associated with their “church” or beliefs. Gregg and I have debated this subject to the point of arguing…loudly! Everyone is entitled to their opinion. That I do believe! That’s the only thing that bugs me about my in-laws it’s not a lot of things but the one thing that is there is a BIGGIE
)
Praying for your trip. Here in Tx we shut everything down at the first sign of ice…you are brave!
1. NO gravy for their Thanksgiving meal?? What’s up with that??
2. Laughing hysterically at really small/silly things. One gets started then all of us break into what my friend calls the smokers laugh…but we totally dont smoke!
1a – the way they don’t treat their 3 children fairly. Some kids got cars, some got college paid for, etc. She still does – hubs’ sister is the princess, damsel in distress. She has a baby and MIL goes across the country and spends 6 weeks with her. My other SIL have our 2nd-4th kids and we barely get a meal. And SIL gets away with mur-der.
1b – Passive-aggressive. I was not raised in a passive-aggressive home so the first few years of my marriage I was SO confused. Couldn’t understand why my MIL would be so nice to my face and then say things behind my back or zap me out of the blue, like, by showing up a hour late or canceling and offer to babysit when she knew I had plans, etc. Or, you know, making sure that everyone else in the family gets your husband’s grandmother’s heirlooms but you are passed over and get nada. Stuff like that. (But I’m not bitter.) I eventually learned that if you tick her off, you may never know why, but you’ll pay for it. Eventually, you’ll pay for it.
1c- Why they refuse to acknowledge that we are adopting. Pretend they are deaf when the subject comes up, and never, ever ask questions. This is their GRANDCHILD we are talking about. Even if they don’t agree with it for whatever bizarre reason, they need to get over it and get over it quick.
1d – Why she is only half interested in my kids. She lives across town, but only sees them every 2-3 months. They really don’t know her very well. I don’t get it.
We have an Arms Length rule in regard to them now. Praises be to our gracious Lord, my husband realizes how his mom is, and ALWAYS chooses me over her. PTL PTL PTL.
2 – Not sure. He certainly does not spend the time analyzing the crap out of my mom like I do his
He thinks my mom can get very critical, which she can. But on the whole he likes her.
I was just thinking, Marla needs to write a book about inlaws, because I certainly can’t!! I am already the witch with a b in the family.
You can interview me at length. I have many, many thoughts on the subject
Basically, in prayer time THIS AM, it occurred to me that how I treat my MIL is probably my greatest oppty to be Christlike. I prayed that I would see her the way that He sees her, and out-honor her today when she came over. Even though I found out something she did just last night that had my blood pressure go thru the roof.
I thought about Ruth, and how for all we know, Naomi was a passive aggressive pain in the butt. To be honest, in the bible she seems a little difficult. And that other SIL split as fast as she could. And then as soon as Ruth and Boaz had their baby, Naomi called him “my baby”. You know that got on Ruth’s nerves. But Ruth verb-loved her anyway, and that spoke volumes about Ruth. I want to be Ruth.
1. They wear their shoes EVERY TIME they go outside and NEVER go barefoot! I think their poor feet don’t know what a callous is!
2. Group zit popping time.