Feb
05
On my way to the lovely state of Michigan to speak to some women I just know are going to be AWESOME. Woohoo!! My dear friend Courtney is accompanying me on the 5-hour trip.
Well, I should say that’s the PLAN. It’s 10pm on Thursday night as I write this, and a Winter Storm Warning has been issued starting at 4am. (I’m supposed to leave at 8am.) If Courtney and I decide we’re too scared, Gabe the Babe will swoop in with his Cape of Fearlessness and drive me/us/the whole fam to Ohio’s Nemesis/Neighbor State.
I’m all about being flexible at this stage of the game.
Okay, here’s the deal. I loved, loved, LOVED your answers to “What Do You Call Your In-Laws?” Would you mind answering a couple more? No? Sweet! I’ve got a fun idea brewing in my brain…
You can pick one or answer both.
1. What is one thing your spouse’s family does that makes absolutely no sense to you?
2. What is one thing your family does that makes absolutely no sense to your spouse?
Feel free to sign in under a code name for this one!
Have an awesome weekend!
My inlaws are kind people. They’re just not my kind of people. Seriously. I will always love them, but wanting to hang out and just relax? No. Not in almost 25 years. Can’t get past the elephant-in-the-room issues that we aren’t supposed to talk about. I suppose it doesn’t make sense to them that we don’t see them as often as they’d like.
Sighing.
I can relate to Bethany. I am very blessed with both families. I’m so sorry for those who have real struggles with their families and in-laws. I encourage you all to trust that the Lord is perfecting you through it.
My husband’s mother died when we were first married, and his dad and step-mom live across the country from us. Until he remarried, his dad had very little contact with any of his kids. Even today, it is his step-mom who I know is really responsible for the birthday cards coming, keeping in touch by phone, the endless invitations to come visit them, etc. She is a real mom to them. Sometimes I wonder if something would happen to her, would his dad go back to the way it was before.
My family? Let’s see. I know he thinks my mom is a drama queen and is very selfish at times, and he is exactly right. She is also very skilled at guilt-trips. He doesn’t understand why I often let this sway my decisions and why I choose to have peace over fairness.
1. One thing that my in-laws do that doesn’t make sense to me is that they don’t plan ahead. It sometimes causes arguments between my husband and I. He has a crazy work schedule (which they know), we also only have one car (which they also know), and we live an hour away from them and my husband works an hour away from them and from our home so it becomes difficult trying to coordinate our schedules but in planning ahead I feel that it would make things a little easier.
2. My husband doesn’t understand why my family and I talk so loudly when standing right next to each other. He doesn’t get that when we get excited about a topic we easily get louder and louder without realizing it and to him it sounds like we are yelling at one another.
Let me preface by saying that I love my inlaws. I do. But what I can’t stand is that my father-in-law rattles his tea glass at my mother-in-law, and she goes s.w.i.f.t.l.y. to fill it up. The husband even begins to think about shaking his glass at me, and he gets the look.
AND. My mother-in-law brings an ice chest of COOKED food to my house when they come visit. I’m sure she thinks she’s helping…but all I see is a huge flashing neon sign that says “YOU CAN’T FEED MY BABY.”
Oh…you only asked for two. Sorry.
Let’s see…my family is pretty much perfect so I’m sure that there is NOTHING that annoys the husband about our clan. Ahem. But I have heard him say that we are all a bunch of cheaters when it comes to games. We really don’t cheat…we just happen to have family rules and inside tricks that he and my BIL haven’t learned yet.
Not our fault that they can’t hang.
As I read through these comments, I feel so sad. I have struggled with my inlaws having favorites and thought it was just something I dealt with, but obviously not. I am strangely comforted by the fact that i am not alone, yet totally saddened by it. Why do people play favorites? Is it the relationships are better with some? Is it because they live closer? I simply don’t get it.
Reading some of these entries gives me knots in my tummy! Bless your heart as you mull through and write about them in more detail!!
1) How close my hubby’s extended family is to each other. Of course, I could expound if you want me to.
2) That food (where we eat, what we’re having) is the center of our family holidays and get togethers as opposed to other activities. As Kay wrote above, it’s a Southern thing: the meal is the deal!
Oh – I thought of #2 – my parents tend to “adopt” lonely people and call them their kids, and thusly their kids are their grandkids. It’s not a huge deal, but it doesn’t make sense to my husband.
1) have birthday parties for EVERYONE. Come on – let me plan my husband’s birthday party, please. (this aggravates him too, actually, so it’s kinda funny!)
2) I’m not sure. We should have that conversation though.
1) Plan things really far in advance.
2) Plan things at the last minute.
His family gets up at the crack of dawn when they have to travel or have plans … the like to be THE FIRST ONES there & get the best seats or parking space. If my father-in-law says we’re leaving at 6 a.m., it means be ready by 5:45 a.m.
My family says we’re leaving at 10 a.m. — and it means, we MIGHT be ready by 10:30 or 11 a.m. We don’t mind to sit in the back of a theater/church/arena … and it’s ok if you’re a few minutes late to something aside from appointments that are REALLY important.
It’s the crazy morning people (his family) vs. the normal night owl people (my family).
PS Safe travels! We’re getting several inches of snow right now – but I’m safely at home, planning to just be snowed in all weekend!
Wow, let me just say that I am blessed beyond belief. I’m having a tough time coming up with something that would categorize my in-laws as a whole. They’re a lot like my family, but each sibling’s family has their own ways that are different than ours. Does that make sense? I think we are one of the very few people who love both sides of our family! Both sets of parents are godly Christian people who are walking with the Lord, as are all the siblings. Incredible and totally an act of God. Whoa.
I think loving family is one of the toughest and yet easiest things to do. Knowing were all flawed in some way or another still doesn’t make it easy. I’ve been a daughter in law for over 20 years and there have been times when I wondered….what was I thinking?
1) Since the beginning of our marriage…..I noticed the “favorite” game! My husband has a brother 3 years younger. He REALLY can do no wrong. At first it was annoying. 20+ years later…..it’s way more than just annoying! It’s HURTFUL!
It even spilled over into our kids. They played favorites with a particular one and left the other 2 out of a lot.
We moved away……far away and that has been one of the best coping methods ever. Sad, huh?
We love them….but don’t have to put up with blatant in our face hurtful stuff.
They rarely visit (they’re retired…we have busy teenagers) and we can’t afford to fly our family of 5 to them.
It’s still a pretty good relationship…..but stepping back and not living close has been the key!
2) Conditional love! My hubby thinks my mom’s way of loving when things are going great is a deal breaker. And it is.
We don’t parent our own kids that way. But that is how I grew up. I feel sad for my mom….she didn’t know how to be a mom. She just did her best…and she wasn’t a christian then.
Mary, are we related?
My husband’s family hands out gifts all willy-nilly and it’s complete and utter chaos. My mother-in-law has three children and three children-in-law (or child-in-laws), eight grandchildren and four grandchildren-in-law, and fifteen great-grandchildren-in-law. That’s a lot of crazy in one room. Gifts have accidentally been thrown away, I never know who gave what to my kids, and gifts have been given to the wrong recipients (we have an Anne, an Anna, a Hannah, two Bens, two Amys, and a grandchild who has some of the family’s last name as his first name.) It’s enough to make me want to jerk up my skirt and scream.
I’m certain that nothing in my family ever irritates my husband because we are perfect in every way. Oh, I kid. My husband’s just too smart to let me know what irritates him about my family.
1. What is one thing your spouse’s family does that makes
absolutely no sense to you?
HMMMMMM…. soooo many things… Where do I begin? ~First… they never went on vacations when the kids were young. Traveled to Texas every Christmas and summer to see family but no real vacations…
~Second… they plan NOTHING!!! And maybe I’m a little uptight in this area but I really don’t think so. They don’t even plan Birthday parties for the kids. For example, our nephew just turned 3. We hear nothing about a party so we hadn’t bought a gift yet (which I would normally do strategically and search for deals) we get a text message one Sunday morning during church (at around 11) that the Bday party is going to happen at 12:30 at McD’s. Well, that’s just great! I wasn’t really keen on going on a last minute gift run and spending $20. He didn’t get a gift. Sorry! Maybe if you’d planned I would have gotten him something really stinkin cool!
~Third…They do not proclaim to be Christians but at every holiday meal they ask my husband to pray. I’m glad it’s evident to them that we are Christians but this is just weird to me.
~And finally…They let their kids watch/listen to anything they want. UGH!!!! This is the biggest one for me. My hubby’s sister’s husband says some really off color (sexually) things. A LOT. IN FRONT OF HIS 9 YEAR OLD SON, 6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND 3 YEAR OLD SON. I absolutely hate it. I mean, it offends me!!! My husband and I have already talked about how we are going to handle letting them know that these things will not be said in front of our children when we have them. Also, they use profanity in normal, everyday conversation. For no good reason (is there one in any instance?). They let their kids watch movies with nudity in them, offensive language in them. Movies that I would not be comfortable watching much less my husband much less my KIDS!!! Clearly that one gets me going.
2. What is one thing your family does that makes absolutely no sense to your spouse?
~I can’t really think of anything that my family does that my husband has mentioned makes no sense to him. Perhaps he gets frustrated that they are pretty laid back (but not as much as his family!). He really admires that I was raised in a debt-free home and I have been taught those values. He also admires that we had vacations and we got to see all kinds of places and things growing up. He hates my mom’s cats, doesn’t understand why he has them.
Sorry this is so long!!
1. My FIL thinks that helping out with the grandkids is wrong b/c they’re OUR children so we should have to take them everywhere we go. So no free babysitting for date nights.
2. The way my mom tries to control her grown children’s lives and does not know how to be supportive. (This is the woman I love, but cringe deeply anytime I have to tell her I am, again, expecting.)
(Feel free to ask me to expand on either of these if they peak your interest.)
“I’m writing a book deal about how hard you are to live with. YOU have contributed so so much to my sanctification! So my goal is to help others learn to love their inlaws instead of kill them!”
How does one write a book about inlaws without becoming the pariahs among inlaws? Ah, there’s the rub. And that’s why there are so few books about inlaws!!
And I still struggle way too hard in this area to be giving anyone advice.