I’m having a hard time writing a post tonight. Not because of the pain–today was infinitely better than yesterday. But because I really don’t want this to turn into Marla’s 40-Day Head Pain Update. If God wants to use this trial to bring glory to Himself (and I know He does), that’s great. But I really don’t want my issues to be the focus.
So… quick update, then moving on. I slept the whole night (except for 2-3 kiddo interruptions). I took my prescribed meds at (mostly) the correct intervals all day. At no time was the pain unbearable. And there were several stretches where it was almost gone. Nina and I ran errands, and I was okay. Livi, Nina and I went to a middle-school performance of Charlotte’s Web tonight (it was really cute!), and I survived. The biggest pain right now is not my head; it’s my teeth. My back 2 teeth on the bottom left hurt so badly I can hardly swallow. And if I accidentally let them touch my top teeth… youch.
Saturday at 10:00 am I have an appointment with the massage therapist who saved my life after my back was three inches out of whack shortly after I had Nina. (run-on, anyone?) If there’s any chance this stuff is a result of my neck being out of place, that would be swell. If that doesn’t help, I’ll schedule a CT scan.
This pain is helping me view life on a very different level. For example, when I wash dishes, instead of thinking, “I want a dishwasher. Pout. Pout,” I think, “Lord, thank you that I am physically able to stand at my sink and take care of my family.” And so on.
I am so grateful for everyone who is praying for quick healing for me. But I’m not praying it for myself. I have such a strong sense that God has something big to teach me, something I can only learn while I’m in pain. Now, I’m not opposed to hurrying up and learning it really fast. But I truly want to bring Him glory. Now, before you think I’m super-spiritual, ask me what I’m thinking after a few more days of this. Anybody can do 48 hours.
I’m kind of hoping it’s a Paul thing. In fact, I think I’ll blame our pastor for preaching from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 on Sunday. Verse 7 is Paul saying that God gave Him a thorn in his flesh (migraine? toothache?) to keep him from being conceited. See, God was giving Paul all these amazing revelations, and He didn’t want Him thinking it was because he was all special or something. Wouldn’t that be nice? “Marla, I’m giving you some pain so you don’t get a big head about all the stuff I’m going to have you see and do here in a bit, okay?” Okay, God. No big head. Got it. Now, show me the visions!
Verses 9 and 10 just rock. But he [God] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I’m not at the “delight” stage yet. I’m working on it.
I want to share something from Beth Moore’s Stepping Up that I read the day before the Big Ache. She’s talking about Psalm 128 and says that while she doesn’t believe in a prosperity gospel (health and wealth if you have enough faith), she believes wholeheartedly that God blesses us for obedience. That blessing just may not look like we expect it to.
From page 99–“Biblically, one is pronounced blessed when God is present and involved in his life. The hand of God is at work directing all his affairs for a divine purpose… Sometimes the circumstances of our suffering may not change, but the circumstances of our hearts are changed in the midst of them through a keen sense of God’s presence and a lively perception of His activity.” (oh, I get this!)
It gets better–“Blessedness describes… a person who reveres God, steeps her life in Him, and follows His ways… She looks to Him in every matter. He’s not just the most important part of her life. He is her life. The result of this divine invasion is that the life operates overall at optimum earth-satisfaction, joy and purpose and without the crushing burdens of self-glory and sin. In other words, her life actually works!”
Oooh, I want that divine invasion! And I want the crushing burdens of self-glory and sin GONE!
Thanks again for your prayers (and please pray for my sweet Ava who’s been sick since Sunday night).
Now, tell me something FUN you’re going to do this weekend! Love and hugs!