grandma and parent crap

Mom just called. The surgeon thinks Grandma might have a paralyzed bowel, which is better than a bowel obstruction and wouldn’t require surgery. She has a tube down her nose at the moment, but they’re going to try to wean her off of it soon.

She’s been coherent, Mom said, until just a little bit ago when she tried to get out of bed, pulled her IV out and said she was in the wrong room. They think she just woke up from a dead sleep and was disoriented. She’s sleeping peacefully now. A x-ray in the morning, and they’ll keep her in the hospital until everything’s regulated.

Thanks for praying! And could you pray for my mom? She’s been up for hours and hours and has a massive sinus headache. I get them too (about 1/4 as bad as her), and they stink. Nothing is helping her pain.

How’s that for parent crap? Poor Mom.

Speaking of that, if you don’t like the word “crap,” I apologize. And I understand. There are a lot of non-cuss words I don’t say (butt and suck come to mind) and several additional ones we don’t let our kids use (fart and crap for instance). But hearing my 2-year-old say “Parent Crap” when she had no idea what she was saying and I had just been thinking about a lot of mothering issues that easily fit under the heading of “Parent Crap,” well, it was just funny.

And when you think about it, it’s just another facet of all we’ve been discussing. Am I a better mom than you because your kids say “butt” and mine say “bottom?” Probably.

Let me try to clear something up from yesterday (in 50 words or less). My agent wasn’t telling me not to talk about the fruit of the Spirit, and he wasn’t saying not to talk about myself. What I had tried to do was make 9 chapters in the book, one for each fruit. And I was trying to put our mama comparison/criticism issues into the fruit chapters. Most of the issues fit into peace and love and kindness chapters. Not so much in the goodness and faithfulness ones. And I was making up a lot of *rap just so they’d fit. Not cool.

And sure, I’ll talk about myself in the book, but not just me, me, me all the time. Hope that makes sense.

I’m sooooo excited about your comments. I think God’s going to hit some nerves with this book. (mine in particular. great.) I ran this morning and chatted with Him for a long time about filling me with His Spirit, waiting on Him to help me write it. And the ideas are already flooding into my brain.

Today is the first day of Summer Break. Wow, okay, this is going to take some getting used to. Livi and Ava are determined to cram as much activity into every waking moment that they can. Whoooooa, slow down, ladies.

Ava graduated (from) kindergarten yesterday. Do y’all say “graduated high school” or “graduated from high school?” Cause I think it’s “from” all the way.

Anyway, it was sweet and sad. I guess there’s a word for that–bittersweet. I’ll miss her teacher. So will she. I’m excited for them (Liv and Ave) for next year but want to savor every summer moment with them. Can’t believe I have a first- and second-grader.

So, if you’re bored, I have another question for you today. Can you tell me about a time you judged another mom? Even better, how about a time you judged unfairly and realized it later? Or how about a time you felt people were judging you unfairly? Or something you used to think/say/do before you had kids, and now you get it?

And I have an even better question for tomorrow. Have a great Wednesday!!

34 thoughts on “grandma and parent crap

  1. mrshart03

    Oh, about judging other moms- yes, I’ve done it!  Before I had my baby, I used to say things like, “my child will never walk around with a binky in his mouth”…well, now he’s 6 months and he’s had a binky since he was 2 days old- it helps SO much with the screaming…and also, “my child will never sleep in my bed”- ha ha ha- I have no idea how anyone gets through those first 2 months without bringing baby to bed for at least part of the night! 

    Other than that, I have a hard time not judging moms who talk sharply & rudely to their kids in public- of course, I haven’t had the opportunity to be embarassed by my baby’s behavior yet, so I’m sure someday I’ll slip up, but you know the kind of moms, not the ones who acccidentally slip up, sometimes you can just tell they yell & swear at their kids & talk to them like that all day…  And also, when moms say something like, “Look at that sweet little baby (mine, of course)- why can’t you behave like him?”  or when you go to pick your baby up from the nursery & the worker says, “Well, HE was good..now this other one over here…” — That makes me furious- because I know that someday soon it’ll be MY kid who is the one being naughty & I’m sure they’ll be saying the same thing about him to someone else (but I digress…not really a mom judging issue…just a pet peeve… 🙂  Hope this is helpful! 🙂

  2. GooberandDicky

    I love the idea of this book and I really think that it will help alot of women. It’s amazing how guilty I am of casting judgments on others before I even became a mother. God has humbled me quite a bit through the life changes that motherhood brings. For me the most difficult comment that I have had to brush off is “What’s the matter with you? Why can’t you have a son?” I was told this my a high school friend. Up to that point in my mothering experience I had felt pretty good about myself. Emotionally, I was hurt but it was also at that point that I decided that it didn’t matter what anyone said. I have since learned to honestly not care what people think. In my head I just tell them to suck it.      

  3. rocknnell

    As Marla’s Mother in law…and the “art teacher”  I say CRAP all the time…I say butt ~ via…even ” out your butt”  which is really rude….all the time…and I can’t believe I said, ” ladies don’t say crap” maybe I was quoting Marilyn to them….what in the world, or I blanked out !  I said crap today, training a Pastors wife to be a chaplain…and she laughed…..” you said, crap”  …I don’t do it to be rude… I don’t know why I do it. soory, well probably not really…smile.

  4. jrfriend

    Now, about judging, I am guilty and I know that but I can’t remember  anything in particular.  I have also done it more than once.  I also say FROM!

    Hope and pray your grandma does well.  when my dad was so very sick, he hated that nose tube.

  5. ahigby0214

    SO NOT FAIR…that’s more than one question!  But I’ll take a shot.  I feel like God’s got me on speed dial when I judge.  It’s not even REALLY judging…it’s just thoughts that pop in my head.  Like, “man that baby has a big head” and before I know it, my kids are in the 90th %ile and getting head ultrasounds.  Or, “that child sure is hyper” and my kid starts BOUNCING off the walls when people come over.  Or, “she’s not losing that baby weight too quickly” and BAM…I’m still the same weight I was when I came home from the hospital 10 months ago…

    Guess I should stop thinking things…

  6. doodlebugmommy

    Laughing because just yesterday, in the midst of a full throttle mommy meltdown, I said I was going to lose it over all the c*ap left lying all over the house, and my 9 year old looked at me seriously, and said, “Well obviously, if you have started using bad words!”.

    We don’t use that word, or butt either, so I was especially ashamed of my lack of self control… guess I need that book about the fruit of the spirit in a hurry, hm!?

  7. OkinawaAna

    I judged mothers of unruly toddlers.  You know the kind — they throw themselves on the floor and scream, kicking and flailing, in public.  (The toddlers, not the moms.)  However, it only took Ana doing it once to make me repent for every single one of those bad thoughts.  I’ve now joined their ranks, dragging my own screaming toddler outside, while younger moms judge me.  Ha! 

    As far as people judging me, I can sum it all up in one word — breastfeeding.  This has been the only issue that people have given more advice and “wisdom” than I could stand.  But you’ve heard me rant about this, so I’ll leave it at that.  🙂

  8. Anonymous

    PS  I just have to add… do you remember your “quippy or quappy” posts?  Well, it has stuck in our house with my nefews.  “Qwappy” has become our word of choice, when the girls are in bed, and we loose a Halo game to tiny punks who cuss us out!  (“Well, that was quappy.”)  OIY… the irony of it all already!  Come quickly Lord Jesus!!!  🙂

  9. Anonymous

    Praying for Mama and Grandma Yoder.

    And…I say, “from”.  I think…

    I struggle most with feeling judged.  Maybe because I was the lonely/hungry/sometimes dirty kid… I feel like everyone is watching and just waiting for my mistakes.  I guess with that in mind, I desperately desire to be quick to forgo judging others.  I know the behind the scenes of neglect, abuse, abandonment, and whatever else are only known by the ones who live there… and I add no help with my own musings about it.   My own childhood mostly “sucked” (eek) somewhat in part, because of pride and judgment.  So, I beg God to help me avoid these things.  Amazingly, I will still run straight to them without His help.  Dang it!!!  (But, don’t we all?)

    In all honesty, it helps me to know that gals raised in “better” homes than mine, still struggle with knowing how to “do” parenthood!  Whew… I’m not the only one!!!  Praise God!  I really don’t have a clue how to know that I’m making good parenting decisions, except to hold to common (proverbial) sense, and hold my breath and await the outcomes!  I’ve read every Christian parenting book I could get my hands on, and I watch those I respect like a hawk.  I even ask some very strange questions, but I’m out for all the good advice I can get!  I love when a good conversation can be light hearted, people feel free to jest about their own short comings and mess ups, share what works, and be a community of friends that love and encourage each other in Christ.

    I get (as I blogged about in response to your other post) VERY tense when people start “teething” their own issues… out on others!  (And for the record, I’m very guilty, been here, done that.)  When I see it’s just people taking out their frustrated of an issue within their own borders, and taking an inner battle public, I get fiercely and overly defensive for others around someone like that.  I’ve watched too many loved ones (and me too) get burnt and scarred by that kind of “leadership”.  But God overcomes all, Amen?!

    I am sensitive, and I do desire greatly to be open to ideas and help, but when it’s dished out in furry of frustration of self, and not love, I back off… and far away.  I have to… or I’m gonna go Kujo on someone.   Aaand… after I did that in my heart (went Kujo on someone)… that’s when God had some strong parental words with me about judging others.  Even the judges! Protective indignation is one thing… joining in the mistake is another.  Oiy… mercy, Oh Lord!

    You know, there are a lot of kids out there who don’t know what tangible love looks or feels like.  In gratitude to God for godly adults in my life who poured themselves into the huge carnivorous hole of myself (like your Mama-in-law) I beg God to let me be something real and touch whomever He would allow me to.  These kids need to see the Sermon on the Mount.  Not just hear it.

    We’re all in this together.   Might as well share the load and the love!   Marla, I know that’s what your work is all about… and I’m thankful for that.  God bless you and keep you, Babe!

  10. setapart1979

    Your question about judgemental attitudes made me feel a little ill as I reviewed the multitude of times I’ve been so quick to say in my head “I would never (with a horrified look on my face) do that with my kids” or “No kid of mine will ever __________” but now that I’m a mom myself I’m eating my words & sorry that I let pride come before love & understanding for others. 

    I’ll pray for your mom & grandma.

  11. scottnjes

    we say all those words 🙂

    I used to say my kids wouldn’t eat candy before they were 2. Lemme just tell you there’s no stoppin the grandpa’s!

    I judge moms for not vaccinating their kid. I think mean things like “if my newborn gets polio from your unvaccinated kid i’m going to ___ you.” That’s not really very fair.

  12. jbnygaard

    Okay. I must be the ONLY one that allows her children to say ‘fart’ and ‘butt’. We DON’T say “oh my gosh.” We say “oh my goodness”. What is wrong with fart??? It’s what we do in our house ALL day LONG! 🙂

    I’m going to come back to answer your question.

  13. stephaniedawnbasham

    Definitely graduated from kindergarten.

    There are a lot of things that I don’t judge moms about, mostly after being a nanny and having nieces and nephews that I watch being raised. Things like temper tantrums in public, certain discipline techniques, food stuff, etc. But there are a few things I have a hard time with.

    I have a hard time judging moms who hire nannies/ babysitters to take care of their kids when they don’t even work. (I won’t ever be in that position because I’m not rich and never will be). They have to have a part time or full time nanny so that they’ll be able to get their hair and nails done, go to aerobics class, go shopping, etc. It’s like they’re trying to pretend that having kids won’t change their everyday life or that dealing with the change isn’t an option.

    I also have to watch myself from judging parents who buy their ten month old hundreds of dollars worth of expensive toys (at a time) when all they ever play with is an empty water bottle. Not just babies, but all ages of kids. I have friends who are just now getting a wake-up-call when they realize they can’t afford a house like the one they grew up in and have no idea how to handle the shock of not having granite countertops for the first time in their lives. People who don’t teach their children the value (or lackthereof) of material possessions bother me.

    And that’s my opinion.

  14. Airdee26

    Didn’t get to answer yesterdays questions but I think the biggest issues are breast feeding vs formula and disposables vs cloth…at least when they’re babies.  I breastfed and did a little formula because I was working.  I the breastfeeding is best for the baby but I would never argue or judge another mommy for giving formula.  I turned out ok and I had formula 28 years ago before all the fancy goodness that they put into it now. 

    As for disposables vs cloth…I just started switching Savannah over to cloth, mostly for $$ savings but I did get judged a little unfairly regarding that…till people did their own research.

    I will admit that I am kind of judgemental of women breastfeeding in public ESPECIALLY without a covering on them.  For me, they are tempting my husband to look at them and that crosses the line big time.  I don’t care if their kids is eating…it’s still a boob to a man!!!

    And yes I used to judge every mother with a child that was screaming in a store or throwing fits.  Now I have a child of my own and sometimes she screams and there is no reason for it.  And I have no idea how to discipline a 16 month old because nothing seems to be effective.  So my critism was not always founded.  ALTHOUGH there are parents out there that need to discipline more and quit trying to be friends with their kids.  There is an age to be friends and an age to be a parent!

  15. shannahhogue

    Sadly, I’m a highly judgmental person. I usually mean well, but it’s really just an “I wouldn’t do it that way, so you’re wrong attitude.” Not very spirit-led, huh?

    Anyway, I basically sit around most of the time thinking to myself, “Why did she do that?”, “They should discipline those children”, and “When I’m a mom, I won’t be doing that.”

    Give me about 6 more months and I’m sure I’ll be eating almost every last one of those words…

  16. rebates

    Praying for your grandma.  And we weren’t allowed to say any of those words- especially fart.  I will say that now my sister and I don’t abide by such restrictions, and my mom is okay with it (except for fart), but I have begun thinking about what I would like/not like to hear come out of the mouth of my kids.

    Well, I’m sure I can come up with dozens of examples of times that I have judged someone, as it is really a struggle for me, and not just in the area of motherhood/parenting.  A big one that comes to mind is regarding my sister-in-law’s decision not to breastfeed their son before she’d even delivered him.  I already commented that I’m a hyper-breastfeeding advocate, and I really struggle with critical thoughts when I hear of moms that aren’t even interested in trying it.  My only victory in this issue was that I managed to keep my mouth shut and refrain from forcing my opinion on her.  There have been other similar situations involving moms that I know that just choose to stop breastfeeding that I have really struggled with.  I feel like I should add that I feel nothing judgmental for moms that give it a good effort and then find that due to things outside of their control are unable to continue.  I’ve been in that position myself.  And, God has really been dealing with me in this issue, so I find your timing impeccable as it continues to serve as a reminder that I have sooo far to go in this area. 

    When this book comes to completion, I’m pretty certain that it will hit a few nerves of my own.  Bring it on!

  17. schmett73

    Well, I think the Holy Spirit’s pretty determined on my sharing that I’m judgmental of the mom up the street, as well as the one across the street.  The one up the street constantly sends her little girl (seven, eight?) outside by herself.  I can tell the poor little thing’s lonely, because the instant she sees anyone on the street, she follows them.  One day, before I took my daughter to school, she followed us into our garage and hung out there until I told her we had to go.  Breaks my heart.  I know I’m probably overprotective, but our houses are on a very busy street, and cars tear so fast down it that it would only take a second for something to happen to that sweet little girl.  She always looks unbathed, and her hair is always unbrushed.

    The neighbnor across the street has a little girl my daughter’s age, and the girls just adore each other.  The mom is divorced and remarried, so my daughter’s little friend has to split time between her mom’s house and her dad’s.  As a result, I find myself thinking that the mom is a little too easy on the little girl, and lets her be a little too provocative for her age.  My daughter is even picking up a “sassypants” attitude that I’ve seen her friend exhibit a time or two.  I want to keep my daughter a kid for as long as I can, but the more time she spends with this friend, the less innocent she seems.  The mom also chooses to work a shift that prevents her from picking her daughter and stepson up from the bus every afternoon (she was offered an alternate shift so that she could and refused it) and she’s never home.  She doesn’t have to work at all, and I find myself judging her for choosing to.

    There you have it. I’m a terrible, terrible person.  EEK.

    And I say “from.”  And what’s with, “Will you go to Prom with me?”  Isn’t it “THE Prom?”  Just wondering.

    Lisa

  18. MarlaSaunders

    Marla I have really enjoyed wandering through your life with you lately. Thank you so much for finding me!

    I just wanted to add my 2 cents: I was quite happy that we did not allow butt, or fart, or crap, or well, you get the idea. That worked great, right up until the time my teenage girls started laughing at me for trying to get them to say bottom! Who knew these kids show up with a mind of their own eventually?

    My Blog

  19. faithchick

    i say from.  only, last week when i wrote about graduation high school 9 years ago.  i said that: “graduated high school”  i’m not sure from whence it came.

    i have a perfect example.  but, then you’d know what a big fat jerk i am. so i’m not tellin’    just kidding.  i thought a certain mom’s kids were pains in the butt/bottom when i watch them with her.  they never obeyed, they were rowdy & rambunctious (sp?!), they argued with mama all the time.  and i thought–geez.  she’s gotta figure out how to reign these guys in!  and then i babysat for the weekend.  and the kids were GEMS.  the mama taught them how they were supposed to behave and they perfectly executed pristine behavior for me.  with her, it was a different story.  And then i realized that most kids are the worse with mama.  probably because they’re most comfortable with mama.  (kinda like when I neverevereverever screamed when our neighbor friend brushed my hair as a kid.  but when my mom did it tears were flying.)  so, it wasn’t a matter of her not teaching them.  it was them not putting it into practice with her.  she’s a good mama.  and i lost track of that when i turned my judgementalness radar on.

    and.  i think there are some great examples that could fit into faithfulness & goodness & longsuffering, etc. 

  20. bensmomshelly

    I say “from” as well. I’m working on finding a “judgment” story, because I’m sure I have one deep in the recesses of my post-partum brain. Hey, how long can I claim that my forgetfulness is from the baby?

  21. bethelaine

    i remember this one time i judged a mom because she wouldn’t let her kids say “butt.”    totally kidding.  i just wanted to pretend that i had something valid to contribute to all of the mommy-conversation. 

    and i say “graduate from kindergarten.”

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