Nov
10
Today I grumbled while I washed dishes for the second time in five hours. Because no one should have to go without a dishwasher for 1 year, 3 months, 2 weeks and a day.
Today I thought about the fact that the water I wash dishes with is cleaner than the water some people drink.
Today I counted my birthday money and imagined all the things I want to buy with it.
Today I gave some of my birthday money to help build a kindergarten in Vietnam, because I have everything I need and these children have nothing.
Today I grumbled while doing laundry and picking up 10 (!) dumb stray socks around the house, none of which were mine.
Today, my girls and I put finishing touches on our shoeboxes for three little girls who have probably never owned a clean, new pair of socks.
Tonight I mumbled while making eggs for supper that I would really rather be eating Chipotle. On paper plates.
Tonight I realized it’s the healthy, beautiful, laughing people I’m eating with, not the food, that matters. And my belly was full.
Tonight some of those same healthy, beautiful people were driving me bonkers by fighting like cats and dogs. I yelled at them. Oh, motherhood is hard.
Tonight I read Part 10 of this family’s story of adopting a beautiful baby girl, even though it meant starting over at 50 after raising 4 boys.
Tonight I spent some of my birthday money on a blue journal and a pair of blue striped socks from Target.
Tonight I gave some of my birthday money to a very worthy cause.
Tonight I secretly wished the Holy Spirit would quit convicting me to give, because it was starting to hurt a little. Okay, a lot.
Tonight I am painfully aware that my comfort is not God’s top priority for my life. It’s not even Top 10.
Tonight I am painfully aware of my selfishness. No nice way to say it.
Tonight I am asking God what more (and not just money) He wants from me (and bracing myself for the answer).
Tonight I am praying that tomorrow’s giving will outweigh the grumbling 2 to 1.
What has the Holy Spirit been convicting you of lately?
Wow… how humbling it is to see my reflection without all the giving afterward. I know that God is so very close to an awesome breakthrough with me and I am more than terrified. I feel that I am on the cusp of major change and am not sure why He is choosing me or for what… i can just feel it… I fear that if I don’t get an industrial sized spiritual cotton swab to clean out these ears of mine that I will miss it altogether. Keep me in your prayers that I won’t miss it when it comes!
“Tonight I am praying that tomorrow’s giving will outweigh the grumbling 2 to 1″
I LOVE it!
Great post, Marla. I love the honesty you share!
Praying for you and with you, friend! I have been convicted of my own selfishness and self-righteousness. So often I want to control so many things, people, etc.
Being judgemental. It’s been a looong process and I am amazed at how patient He is with me. When will I just give it up already?!
Being a more forgiving wife.
I’m super critical. I want to be someone who speaks kindly of others and not someone who tears people down every chance I get. I’m convicted just thinking about how far I have to go on this.
I love this post, Marla. And thank you for posting the link to that adoption story! I had no idea that blog existed, but after reading just a few entries, I’ve learned so much about how to be a wife who truly honors her husband. (That comment about how she never pushed her point or her preference on the matter until he asked, not wanting to cause dissension or prod him along a way that God didn’t intend to move him. AMAZING! I want to be that kind of wife!)
This is such a reminder that we don’t have to be perfect, just willing to repent and keep seeking Him. Awesome.
The Holy Spirit is sure working on me too. There are areas where I still try and figure it out and His ways are clearly written there for me to see, I just need to do it and trust.
Great post Marla.
I think He’s convicting me of trying to do too much. He’s putting my face in His hands, looking me in the eyes and saying F-O-C-U-S!!!
I’m being convicted of making Jesus my one and only – the one I run to in times of trouble, the one I rejoice with when there is something worth rejoicing, the one I talk to before bed and when I wake up and when I drive and when I eat and when I work and when I breathe. He is convicting me to trust that He is all I need and all I’ll ever need.
God’s been convicting me of gossip. I make the excuse that I’m not gossiping if I only share info I know with my husband. But it is. That’s no excuse. Sigh. Transform me, Oh Lord.
Before I read your blog this morning God brough me to Zechariah 13:9. I am sure it was in preperation for your words and sharing of your heart. It says, “I will bring their group through the fire and make them pure. I will refine them like silver and purify them like gold. They will call on my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ‘These are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God’.” Lord refine my heart and purify my thoughts. Lord I desire with every little bit of my soul to seek after you instead of seeking after me…me…me…
Thank you for sharing your heart today and bringing my heart in to adjustment. Sometimes (too often) I think I need more “stuff”, more attention, a better this or that…Oh, how that must break God’s heart…and He says “these are my people” even so. Thank you so much. This is why fellowship (in whatever form we get it) is so important….to remind us of the truth and to be real in our daily life and struggles and victories and regular gunk we go through.
Blessings on a less of me and more of Him kind of day…
Thanks, Marla for your openess and honesty, even though it stung my eyes to read. (too convicting)
Way too often I find myself focusing on what I don’t have, rather than what I do. Thanks for the reminder to focus on God’s blessings AND what He wants us to do with them, rather than our petty selfish desires.
And what does God want from us?
ALL of us…..
That is probably why I get selfish in the first place, I like to think that I at least have *some* control
It’s not my job to change people or their hearts, it’s Gods. My job is to keep my mouth shut and and pray!!
These past few days God has given me Philippians 2:3-4 says “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” to chew on.
You are so NOT alone.
Yet, the Father reminds us, I John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” The song of my life is forgiven, forgiven, forgiven again.
amazing post, Marla. I need this to cut deeper into my heart.
Hey Marla….I keep meaning to tell you and just lose the time…but I want to donate a book. Sign me up. Check will be on the way ASAP
Love you!!!
Its usually my mouth! But the judgmental part of me is ugly too
I’m awfully glad He never lets go of me!
Last night I was looking at the pix from the Compassion trip. One little girl had on a T-shirt that had Isaiah 52:7 translated into Spanish – “Blessed are the feet of those who (bring good news and) proclaim peace”. I’ve realized my feet aren’t doing much bringing or proclaiming… they’re awfully caught up in my own little world.