If you missed part 1, check it out here. Basically, I’m summarizing what I talked to a group of guys and girls about last week. Part 1 was mostly the Guy Stuff, and Part 2 is for the Ladies.
We talked about the fact that if you’re dating a guy with some negative characteristics, they’re not going to go away when you get married. They’ll be magnified. DO NOT MARRY A JERK.
We decided that if you’re spending much of your day at school crying over something your boyfriend said or did (this was me my senior year), this might be a warning sign: Move On.
You fight a lot now? It’s going to get worse. Your value systems don’t mesh now? It’s going to get worse.
We talked about modesty–what you’re wearing and why you’re wearing it. (I shared a couple excerpts from this book .) Are you trying to fill a void in your life? Do you feel insignificant and want to be noticed?
The guys who are ogling your low-cut this and your high-cut that and your super-tight whatchamajig are the same ones who are gawking at every other girl like that–and going home and looking for more girls dressed like that (but worse) on the internet.
You don’t want to attract this type of guy. The type of guy you do want to attract (and marry) is going to be intentionally looking the other way when he sees you coming.
We talked about what author Mark Atteberry calls “the other B word.”
A short distance north of your breasts is your brain (the other B word)… It’s not pretty to look at. They don’t make lingerie for it… But make no mistake: your brain greatly influences how attractive you are to the man worth having… The guys worth having in this world are fascinated by and drawn to brainy women... Here’s the sobering truth: your body will attract a guy, but it won’t keep him very long. For one thing, there are too many other great bodies out there… Face it. A good guy falls for and sticks with a woman who has some depth. There’s nothing he loves more than to be attracted to a woman he thinks is beautiful, only to discover there’s more to her than he could see.
Then we jumped to respect. This is a big one.
Disrespect for men runs rampant in our culture. Sitcoms. Commercials. They’re all poking fun at the idiot guy. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. His wife laughs at him and rolls her eyes. In the words of Brian Regan, he has a “small husband brain.”
Satan’s all about women disrespecting men. It fits nicely into his plan.
Girls, it’s time we started respecting guys–whether or not they deserve it (the Bible says to show respect to everyone).
We talked about sexual purity. I read a little excerpt from this book (bits and pieces from p. 187-191 if you have the book) and talked about drawing lines and dangling over them. I told them that my humble opinion (hindsight is 20/20) is that if you wouldn’t do it (whatever “it” is) with your dad in the room, you shouldn’t do it. Period.
We like to think we have freedom to do whatever we want. But when we draw lines and can’t stop, that’s not freedom. We’re enslaved to sin.
And yes, I realize that if you’re not a believer in Christ, then this is all a bunch of bunk to you. Makes sense. But a majority of the folks I was talking to have a relationship with Christ and are genuinely seeking to honor Him in their relationship with the opposite sex.
I told them how I talk to and get e-mails from women all the time–women who are suffering the consequences of premarital sex. No exceptions, they say, “it wasn’t worth it.”
There is freedom and forgiveness in Christ. Absolutely. But it doesn’t make the consequences magically disappear.
We talked about selfishness.
We like to think that the guys are the selfish ones. They’re the ones who sit around and play video games all day and expect women to serve them. And get turned on by people they’re not married to. Hmph.
I’m actually the selfish one in my marriage. And a lot of other women are too. I once had a woman say to me, “I didn’t get married just to spend my days making some guy happy.”
Didn’t take long to realize she’d gotten married so some poor guy could spend his days making her happy.
God created us to find true, lasting joy only when we’re giving of our selves to others.
Matthew 10:39 (msg)–If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me (Jesus talking).
And that’s it in an 800-word nutshell.
And the winner of the $10 gift card of her choice is… KRISCO! Congratulations, friend! (No, her mother didn’t not actually name her after shortening. She does have a real name, but apparently it’s top secret.) Krisco, tell me what you’ve won!
Have a great day!