I just got an e-mail from a woman who loved Is That All He Thinks About? but wanted to let me know she was disappointed in the entire section about sex after having kids. She reads my blog, so she realizes that I love my girls but feels that the book portrays children as a burden. She has 3 under 3 with 1 on the way and has never been as exhausted as I claim to be in the book. She doesn’t believe in birth control and feels that many women are selfish when it comes to motherhood. She loved the book and laughed until she cried but won’t be able to recommend it to her friends since they share her opinion on birth control and children.
I share this because I’m sure that there are other women out there who feel as she does. And I deeply respect her opinion and feelings. I’m going to post my response to her so that anyone else struggling with this chapter might gain more insight into where I’m coming from.
Thank you for sharing from your heart. I so appreciate your honesty. I’m sorry that the “kids” section of my book offended you. I respect and admire your decision to have as many children as God blesses you with. I understand that you feel every couple should do the same, but I have to respectfully disagree. I believe with all my heart that God wanted my husband and me to have three children. I am completely open to adoption in the future (if God should so lead), but I know this is what He wants for us for now.
I do love my little girls with everything in me. They are not a burden to me. It only feels that way when I’m being selfish, wanting to do what I want. However, I do find motherhood exhausting sometimes. And I know that a majority of my readers do, too. Those chapters were written for them (us) in mind, not for women like you. You’re so right about the world looking at children as a burden. It’s so common these days for people to have just one child, because they don’t want their lives disrupted any more than that. I imagine that you probably look at me, mother of three, the same way I view women who choose to have just one child so they can get on with their lives. But I believe there can even be God-honoring reasons for having just one child.
I still stand by my 2 keys for determining how many kids to have. 1.) Have only as many as you can handle while still meeting your husband’s needs and 2.) Don’t have more than your husband wants to have. Submitting to your husband and meeting his needs are biblical commands. Having 10 children is not. It sounds like you and your husband are in agreement about having many children, and that his needs are still getting met. Good for you!! I know you disagree, but I honestly believe God-honoring couples can stop having children while they still have fertility left in them.
Thank you for your comment, “I see your blog and that you love your little ones.” I do. And you have inspired me to always see them as the gift they are. I am blessed beyond measure.
Thank you, too, for your kind words about the book. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Maybe you could rip out the section you didn’t like and then share the book with your friends. My next book has nothing to do with marriage or children, but I have a couple projects in the works that deal with the blessings of children. I can’t promise that there won’t be any talk of exhaustion. I’m not sure how you do it with 4 under 4 without getting tired! Maybe you could write a book about that–seriously.
I know, as a writer, that I can’t please everyone who reads my books. And with book #3, I’m already preparing myself for the e-mails I know I’ll get. Thankfully, I’ve only had one other negative comment about Is That All? I won’t be blogging about that one, because it’s more of an issue the reader herself had than anything that was in the book.
My prayer is that my heart will always be right before God, that I will truly seek His will and wisdom for my life and my writing, and that I will never write anything that doesn’t line up with His Word. If God ever brings me to your mind, and you want to pray for me, please pray that.
My three sweet blessings are at their grandma and papaw’s right now. I miss them, but I know they’re having the time of their lives. And I am being refreshed in so many ways. Thank You, Father, the Giver of every good gift!