I can’t explain it really. I’m just…uncomfortable. Not physically. (well, actually, a little. i’ve been having dumb health issues when I’m supposed to be all better, but anyway.) I just feel emotionally, mentally, spiritually…unstable. Uneasy. Restless.

I suppose it could be the fact that it’s January, “the most depressing month of the year.” It’s cold, gloomy, we’ve been sick, I’ve fallen behind. I don’t know. I’m struggling to find the purpose in each day, the rich full meaning in my life. Of course I know that Jesus Christ is my reason for living and that earth is not my home. I’m just in a bit of a funk.

But enough of that.

Thank you so much for praying me through Thursday and Friday. I left my crying 7-year-old (and my other two) with Daddy and Grandma after the girlies got home from school Thurs. afternoon. I had everything I needed–books, notes, prizes, clothes, money, gatorade (the only drink that doesn’t leave a nasty taste in my mouth. can’t even drink water. or coke!), cough syrup, kleenexes, cds.

I walk out to Gabe’s car, and it begins to pour down rain. Not in my plans. It was awful. I took 670 through downtown C-bus, and even though it wasn’t even 4:00, there was a ton of traffic, and the rain was awful. I felt strangely calm, even though I couldn’t see. Just asked God to please get me through it safely. He did.

Stopped to get gas in Xenia. Thought I was under an overhang but got drenched. Put my sweatshirt hood up (good thing my hair is just a “go-with-it” style), got my shoes all soppy.

Got to Josh and Jess’s house. Lovingly greeted by my adorable niece and nephews. “Aunt Maaaaaarla!” It’s so nice to be loved. Hugged on them, ate some scrumpsh chicken and wild rice soup Jess made for supper, brushed my teeth, fixed my make-up, got dressed, out the door in plenty of time.

Got lost in the rain. The church is 2 miles from their house. Anyway. Called Josh. He walked me through it over the phone. Got there in time. I was in such a fog. Coughing, tired, felt like I was on autopilot.

Sara introduced me. I talked for 45 minutes or so. They listened raptly, laughed at all the right places. Sometimes I just felt like the words were just coming out. It went well over all. Got to meet some women, sign some books. A woman who had been married many, many years told me everything I said was “right on.” I like it when the mentor moms tell me I’m on the right track.

Back to Josh and Jess’s. Chatted with them until 10. Cough syrup with codeine. Slept on Anna’s trundle bed. Quite comfy. She hugged me good morning at 7:30. I got up at 8:15. Bagel and coffee. Shower, dressed, packed up my stuff.

I think the 2nd presentation went better. I wasn’t in such a fog. Everyone seemed more awake. It was good. Met women, signed books, packed up the car. Drove home in beautiful weather, so thankful it was over.

That’s it. Not too exciting, eh? Saturday was a lazy day. Went to church on Sunday. Felt like forever ago that we’d been.

Working on a plan to get completely out of debt. No school bill, car payments, nothing. Trying to eat cheap (but healthy–not easy). Excited about the book coming out in 45ish days. I’ll be e-mailing an e-card next month. If you could e-mail it to all your friends, that would be sweet.

Speaking at 3 MOPS groups in February. I really do enjoy it. I really am blessed. My daughters are growing up so fast. I want it to be Spring. I’m thankful for the people who have sacrificed their time, families, and lives for my freedom. I love to write. I’ve lost a bit of my spunk and humor these past 2 weeks. I’d like to get it back. I have too many thoughts right now. Lots to do. How can a family of 5 dirty dishes and laundry so fast and fill up the trash can so quickly. Amazing.

I want to know my Savior more this year.

I’m thankful for all of you. And sad that I haven’t gotten to visit many people in person lately. Let’s make spring plans! And this summer I want to get together with people ALL the time. Any takers?

Hugs to you on this snowy Monday!

15 thoughts on “restless

  1. GooberandDicky

    I blame the gray skies of Ohio during the winter that may get you down. I know that it effects me every year. As for wanting to get out of debt good for you. Everyone has their own way to pay off debt, I wish you the best of luck. I am always looking for ways to save money plus it keeps me motivated when I am reading more about frugal living. It also helps that I married an accountant. 🙂

  2. dnkneer

    I was going to comment about Dave Ramsey but someone else already did 🙂 Yay! I’ll be praying for you guys to reach your goal of getting out of debt…and getting healthy! See ya!

  3. Nixter77

    I’m a taker?!?!? You never know 2008 could be the year my friend.

    Sorry you are in a funk beautiful, I totally hear you and am feeling a bit similar to you. I will pray for you…

    Also I spoke to the people about your gift, they are investigating and are going to the post to sort it out.. Hopefully that will cheer you up a little bit!

  4. ladyjabez

    Thanks again for coming…. you did an awesome job speaking!  I even had a few ladies come up to me Sunday that said they had already taken the opportunity to finish their homework… if you know what I mean

  5. Anonymous

    Glad to hear that you had a safe trip and your talks went well. Praying you feel better soon. We also are working on trying to get out of debt… some days I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and other days I don’t. Like you, the grocery bills are definitely an area we are trying to control… but it isn’t easy!

  6. ergirl053

    So glad that you are feeling somewhat better. Will be praying that the “funk” disappears soon. Wow- only 45 days until the book! Congrats! I will pass along many an email. And I will take you up on the summer thing… for sure!

  7. ladymiss3739

    I’ll take you up on a visit in the Spring!  I’d love to “meet” you in person.   

    I hate those funks and not being able to figure out why.  And I know exactly what you’re talking about with “knowing” the truth about your purpose, but not “feeling” it.  So hard…I’m praying for you today.  Take heart in knowing that your Jesus prays for you, the Spirit ministers to your heart even in your weakest moments and God plain old loves you to pieces!  Even when you feel off and don’t have it all figured out. 

    I can’t wait for your e-card and I’m pretty sure I know of some friends that will buy for sure.  They loved your others.   

  8. terriwright

    Dave Ramsey: debt snowball. Pay off the smallest debt first, apply what you’d been paying to the next until it’s paid off, etc….Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University is something EVRYONE should go through. I wish we’d known all this stuff years ago when we could have made much better decisions….but – – – – we’re making them now.

    Glad everything went well. I’ve been blue, too….and I haven’t had the Plague! I DO think it’s all the things you listed. Plus – – – it’s the new year, and somehow we long for a fresh start, but all the old crap is still there!

    Our son lives in Rushville…..just outside Lancaster….I could manage a visit….wouldn’t that be cool???/

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