I’m doing Beth Moore’s A Woman’s Heart at my old church on Thursday mornings. In yesterday’s video, she spent a lot of time on John 15. Verses 1-2 say, “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”
God’s got His clippers out, and He’s going to town on me. The question is–is He cutting or pruning? I got up early (for the first time in a good while) and went for a little jog to discuss this with Him. I’m fairly certain He’s pruning, which makes me very happy. Until I remember that it still really hurts.
I went to bed pretty drained last night, and I woke up feeling like someone had died. I know now how big this dream is to me. I haven’t felt such weight of grief in an awfully long time.
I already loved John 15, and I love it even more now. Verse 8 says, “This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourself to be my disciples.” What does God’s glory really mean? Paraphrasing from the video, it’s anything that makes you say Only God. Anytime something happens that could not possibly have any other explanation but God.
Some stuff we can just do in our “own” power. People see our talents, see what we’ve accomplished, and give us glory. Those are the things I’m asking God to prune out of my life. I want everything I do to reflect Him. I want everything I do to cause people to say–“Well, I don’t know how in the world she managed that, but it sure wasn’t anything she did. If I believed in God, I’d say He was actually personally involved in her life or something.”
God wants me to bear a lot of fruit. There’s no question about that. But the definition of the Bible’s kind of fruit is something that God does in your life, not something you accomplish on your own and get credit for.
God’s going to be glorified in my life if I turn it over to Him. I gave Him my dream this morning (which is actually harder to do when it’s a dream of your loved ones too), and we’ll see what He does with it. If He lets me pursue it, it’s going to be bigger and better than it would have been before. And there will be NO question who made it happen. Not me, that’s for darn certain.
He already gave me a tangible example of His glory just a little bit ago. This morning has been one crappy thing after another. Perfectly miserable. I got back from my jog with bad stomach cramps again, and they were wrapping around my back, and I was thinking kidney failure or something. Then one of my children and I were in a big ol’ battle in her bedroom with the bus minutes away from arriving at the end of the street. Oh, it was bad. Yelling, crying, out-of-body-experience bad. She walked to the bus stop very, very angry with me. I hate that.
Bear with me. I’m getting to the glory part. THEN Gabe tells me that he has three clients coming over at 10 to be trained on website updating. The house is a mess, I’m a mess, I’m trying to pack for the weekend and make food, what will I do with Nina? AND our van battery died again last night. The people called, said they’d be here at 11. So Gabe decided we’d jump the van battery again and he’d go get it tested. The car guy said it might be the alternator.
I back the van out of the garage, Gabe pushing. He attached the jumper cables. Except, um, I had the key turned in the ignition (???!) The cables start smoking, melted plastic, fire. Gabe yanks them off his car, burns his hand, I run for a broom, he knocks the others off with that. Now our van’s in the middle of the street, our jumper cables are trashed, and I’m ready to quit life.
I prayed, “God, do something big that shows your glory. We don’t have a vegetable’s chance in Candyland (um, where did that come from?) on our own.” We decided to push the van down the street to a place we could park. We’ll take the car this weekend. We’ll deal with all of this later.
I get in the van. Gabe tells me to try to start it. Why? I do. It starts. He had turned his car on, I guess, for a couple seconds before all poo broke loose. And it charged it just enough. He drove it to the car shop, got some good news, is coming home with a new battery under warranty. If it goes bad in a week, it’s the alternator.
Oh my word. Look at the time! I have to take a shower before these people come. This was totally supposed to be a quick little blog. Thanks for praying. I love you. Have an awesome weekend!