please break my heart

I should be in bed, but I have something on my heart. A lot of somethings. And no way to articulate them. Because they’re all kind of still in liquid form, like jello that just won’t set.

My heart is hurting for Haiti. But I know that it’s not hurting as much as it should be, because I’m kind of holding the whole tragedy at arm’s length. Watching snippets of the news. Giving snippets of money. Praying in snippets. It’s like I’m afraid of how it will overwhelm my heart if I let it all in.

I need to let it all in.

I’m feeling overwhelmed by some needs I’ve had these past couple weeks, and how God has met those needs through people. All sorts of needs, all sorts of people, all sorts of ways.

I’m overwhelmed by some things that are coming up in the next few days. I haven’t blogged about it much (any). I think I feel like I sometimes blab about every little detail of my life, and I’d like to just hold on to some privately for once. But then I remember how much fun it is to have loved ones to share my joys and sorrows and fears with.

So, I don’t know.

I do know that I feel ill-prepared for what’s coming. I feel like my heart isn’t ready.

I want my heart to break for the things that break God’s heart. I want to see people like He sees them. When I speak to a sweet group of women Friday, I want to be so filled with the Holy Spirit that He does every bit of the talking and touches hearts in deep, deep places.

I don’t want to be worried that I have nothing to wear and my jeans don’t fit and my shoes are old and jewelry looks stupid on me.

Because, see? That means my heart is in the wrong place.

When I meet some wonderful new friends (and some wonderful old friends) this weekend, I don’t want to be thinking about myself and “am I making a good impression?” I want to be thinking about the other person and how I can be a blessing to her.

I want to spend more time praying for hurting people in Haiti and less time focused on this, that, and the other insignificant thing.

I want to surrender completely to God’s will for my day, my week, my life. Instead of trying to fit Him into my flat-rate-box plan.

I don’t want to miss a minute of what God has for me because I was so wrapped up in what I wanted for myself.

Lord, please take my heart and work it like clay. Something’s not right with it, and I want it to be.

17 thoughts on “please break my heart

  1. Gretchen

    Yeah, feeling like the eye of the needle is very tight. I think it’s okay to let little snippets in, though. Perhaps even God Himself is allowing this. Because if we’re too broken to look up, then we’re too broken to help. Break our hearts, Lord, but strengthen our characters and bend our wills to your own. xxxooo

  2. Tiffani

    catching up this morning, so I’m a little late to this post….but nonetheless I am graciously glad to read this today.

    It’s so true when said: Watching snippets of the news. Giving snippets of money. Praying in snippets. It’s like I’m afraid of how it will overwhelm my heart if I let it all in.

    Exactly. Exactly.

    There’s a praise and worship song you probably know too, Hosanna, but I am singing it reading this today: “break my heart for what breaks yours…everything I am is for your Kingdom’s cause…show me how to love as You, have loved me”
    Great words…and definitely the prayer of my heart
    and thank you for sharing your heart, dear one.

  3. Pingback: Marla Taviano | Christian author and speaker » Blog Archive » (un)perspicuous

  4. Omom

    I think I am watching Him right this minute mold your heart. What a beautiful thing to see.
    As I pray for you I am praying for my heart as well. I hate the ugly that is in me sometimes, I just want to be able to see and feel and do for Him.

  5. amber

    You h ave no idea how God just used you in those 3 minutes it took me to read your post. Those are the EXACT words that I needed to hear. You voiced the feelings that have been in my heart for days now. Thank you for your words. And your willingness to be a vessel of any shape and size that the Lord needs you for at the moment.

    You are a blessing, friend. A true blessing.

  6. Teresa Henry

    I love your post! I was going to comment right away but I felt the Lord say to wait and pray first. So I hopped in the shower…I hope I am not the only mom who gets a lot of praying done in the shower!!! Anyway here is what I really heard the Lord say to me about where you are at.

    This is where God wants you right now…He wants your heart to be breaking for those around you…God looks at the condition of our hearts…and your heart is in love with Him and the hurting people around you. God says that right now you are being directed to see and hear the needs of others not only in Haiti but around you. Even though he doesn’t want your heart to hurt, right now you are so open and aware of who God is that you are ready for what He wants you to do next—whatever that may be. When you speak next your heart will be ready for the specific women he places in your path. When you encounter people and your family this week your heart is condiitioned to hear and see what they need. When you are in prayer your heart is open to hear and see what God has for you next and how to pray for those around you. It can be so hard to be in this place because it feels like our hearts are bleeding and we just want to get on our knees and weep…and I know that doesn’t sound pretty, but God loves when we get there…I think that is the place that makes us more aware of who God is. And right now you are aware!

    Your heart and your desire to love on people just warms me…and I know that God is just beaming at you…saying “look at my daughter…she is precious…she is ready for the next thing I have for her”.

    You are at a place where you are so aware of others. And God’s desire is for us to love Him and love others….and you are doing just that…

    And we all struggle with wanting to put on a good impression, but I know that you will be recognized by your heart. I wrote a blog post about that very thing the other day and of course I have no idea how to link things because I am beyond not technical…on my blog it is called Day Three~No Makeup.

    I know you don’t even know me…so I hope you don’t mind me saying all of that! I will continue to pray for you. I love your heart!
    Love, Teresa Henry

  7. Holly @ Crownlaiddown

    Do you know what???! It’s awesome and crazy and lovely…as I was reading your post (AS!), I was listening to Selah’s “Hosannah” And they sang? “Break my heart for what breaks yours,” (JUST AS!) I read what you wrote. How cool it that?

    Please know my friend that I am and have been and will continue to pray for you. I love you, you know?

    And? I’m clay with you, soft clay in God’s hands…willing and trusting.

    Walking out the journey with ya, Marla!

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