ouch. my heart.

Had a painful little object lesson tonight. I was unzipping the girls’ lunch bags, so I could pack tomorrow’s lunches. A little background. My girls have never bought a school lunch. Not because I am Super Mom. Not because I am Healthy Mom. Not because I am Thrifty Mom. I don’t really know why. It’s just something I’ve always done. I pack their lunches and write them a note. I put the date on it, and the plan is that someday, they’ll look back at their notes and think, “Wow, Mom loved me.”

Okay, so I don’t usually put the notes in envelopes–takes too much time. Occasionally, I will though, and sadly, Ava’s usually come home un-opened. I always feel a little stab in my heart. “Don’t you read my notes?” “I usually do! But today I didn’t have time!” I get over it and move on.

Today I have PMS. It’s almost bedtime. I’m unzipping their lunch bags. Pull out Ava’s note. Envelope sealed. Sticker intact. “Ava? Do you ever read the notes I write you?” The look on her face says no. She hesitates. I raise my eyebrows. “I have to eat!” she says. “It takes too long to…” “You don’t read my notes, do you?” Hangs head. “No.”

She might as well have stomped on my heart.

Gabe heard the exchange from his desk. Called her over for a talk. She came and apologized. I was in tears. And so on and so forth. You don’t need to hear the whole sob story. We worked it all out. The ache is still there though.

And the object lesson–God wrote me a lot of notes too. A whole Book full. How many times do I leave them unopened in my lunch box? Sure, I’ll scarf down the granola bar and the cheetos and the leftover Halloween candy. And the yummy Mondo drink bottle-thingy. But I don’t have time for my Daddy’s note. Who cares? No big deal, right?

Except it is.

So…I met my guardian angel today. Well, not personally, but saw him in my rearview mirror. Long story short, I was at Easton (shopping center in my city). In the left northbound lane, getting ready to turn into Target in a bit. Someone pulled out of a parking lot to my left, crossed both southbound lanes, and KEPT COMING. Right into my lane. I slammed on my brakes. I mean, slammed. And swerved into the right lane. Didn’t even have time to honk my (unfriendly) horn. Life flashed before my eyes. (not really, but kind of)

Thank you, Jesus, that no one was beside me in the right lane. And that all the cars behind me slammed on their brakes before they hit me. The girl in the car just stared at me wide-eyed. Was she drunk? On drugs? I have no idea how she missed seeing me. I went around her, and she just sat there horizontally in my lane. I pulled into Target and couldn’t even get out of the car I was shaking so badly. I was all jittery and jumpy for the next hour. Ugh. It’s really a miracle no one got hurt or smashed or crashed. Wow. God is good.

I know I had something brilliant (or funny maybe?) to say, but it’s gone. Don’t forget to enter the give-away for The Fine Line. You have until Wednesday.

Have a Twinkly Tuesday!

26 thoughts on “ouch. my heart.

  1. stephaniedawnbasham

    I almost cried just now reading the story. And she’s not even my daughter and I wasn’t even there.

    I so needed to hear that analogy. I must make God cry all the time for neglecting to read His notes. And acting like I don’t even care. Thanks for that.

  2. the2bryants

    Thanks for sharing about the lunchbox notes….I can only imagine how much that hurt.  It is amazing what emotions kids can bring on….

    Thanks for relating your story to the way we treat the Lord….I needed to hear that! 

    I’m so glad for the Lord’s protection over you!  He is so good! 🙂

  3. KmHunsberger

    As I read your post I felt that stab in my heart too…I know I will be there and it will hurt the same. And I made the God analogy before you even got to it…it is so true. Love letters never opened…how sad and how much we miss out on in a hurry to get to the “next thing.”

    So glad you are ok and the car was not damaged. Wow.

  4. Oly16

    So many wows in your post.  So glad you were able to work out the situation with Ava, it would have hurt my heart too.  And praise the Lord for protection in the car yesterday – your story gave me goose bumps.

  5. jbnygaard

    I too loved that you were able to take this lesson and point it to God. Thanks for that example…and for letting me sit back and think, “What was God trying to teach me through that?”.

    Crazy C-bus drivers! Glad you reacted quickly and are safe!

  6. luvmynoah

    Keep this life story for one your future books!!!  It’s such a great example…one I needed to hear!!!!  I’m sorry for how your heart is aching…I’m sure I would feel the same way.  Maybe you can put a little voice recorder in her lunch! Leave her messages she can hear…while she’s eating. 🙂

  7. jessyomama

    I don’t leave notes in Anna’s lunch box often enough. 🙁 And she would read them. Every day. 🙁

    I’m praising the Lord for your situation on the road yesterday!

  8. lites4Him

    Aching for your hurting heart… and praying for the Healer to gently touch and heal you today. So very glad He spared you from the accident. God IS good- all the time! Hang in there, friend!

  9. ClutzyButtercup

    My heart felt for you cc. Ava and the notes.  My son does not appreciate written words as much as I would like and I have had to learn that he likes other ways of expressing love and appreciation.  It has been a hard lesson but one that has made me reflect on God’s and my relationship as well.

  10. SuperGirlAmelia

    A very poignant object lesson! Though not fun to learn in the process. On another thought – have you ever read the 5 Love languages? They have one for the love languages of kids too. Not that you shouldn’t write notes – but Ava may not receive love through words of affirmation. Hugs to you today!

  11. M3mine

    Marla, oh, wow! What a lesson we can all learn from the lunch notes! Hope you keep this in your mind for another book that you’ll write in the future, or a talk you’ll give. Even though it was hard to go through personally, it’s quite the object lesson for anyone who reads it. I’m so thankful that you shared it.

  12. gsowell

    I write my kids notes, too. I’m lazier than you though because I just write it on their napkins. No envelopes to open that way.

    But ouch, my heart, too, as I think about the notes from God I’ve left unread…

  13. OkinawaAna

    I would have cried, too!  I love your comparison.  And think — just as Ava will learn to appreciate your love and care as she grows older and matures, we also will learn to appreciate God’s love and care as we “grow up” and mature in Christ.

    And glad that you were able to avoid that accident!

  14. Airdee26

    Wow, that was a great object lesson…a difficult one I’m sure but a good reminder to all of us. I would have been in tears too…PMS or no PMS. Thank you for the reminder to read all of God’s notes.

    WOW, I’m so glad that you were able to avoid that accident. Scary!!

  15. setapart1979

    I would have cried too.  I appreciate how you the whole thing pointed you to the Lord.  Thankful to hear that you’re alright… that must have been so frightening.  Praise God that no one was hurt.

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