I’m a firm believer that a bad attitude = sin. For a believer in Christ, a crappy attitude isn’t an acceptable lifestyle choice. Sure, there will be times when you feel sad, hurt, discouraged. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about a conscious choice to be in a bad mood, to be irritated with God because you’re sick of your circumstances, to be focused on nothing but yourself, self, self.
I’ve been sinning a lot the past couple weeks.
I haven’t shared a lot of personal stuff on the blog lately–for a couple reasons. 1–I’m not in the mood. 2–I really don’t want any grief from my “friends” who only comment when they have something mean to say. 3–I’m not in the mood.
I walked into church this morning in a bad mood. They were already singing, and I didn’t join in. When Pastor Mike started his sermon, entitled “God Will Rock You,” I pretty much dared God to try to break through the hard shell around my heart. I wasn’t in the mood.
I sat there with my Bible open to Acts 16, my notebook open, and my pen in my hand. But I wasn’t writing anything. I wasn’t in the mood.
Even when it became completely obvious that God was chipping away at my heart-shell with every word being spoken, I resisted.
I listened to the familiar story of Paul and Silas being unlawfully thrown in prison, of the earthquake, the statement they made by staying put instead of escaping. See, all that stuff that happened? It wasn’t really about them. God had some people to save and some injustices that needed made right.
Maybe the trials I’m facing right now aren’t about me (ya think?). Maybe, according to Pastor Mike, “God is rocking my world to advance His.”
I’ve been begging God to deliver me (us) from some stuff. The last three words of Acts 16? “Then they left.” In other words, they made sure they stayed put until God got all the glory.
God’s greatest agenda isn’t my immediate deliverance, because I’m not the center of the universe. His plan, His story, is so much bigger. Which, ironically, is the whole point of this Zoo Story I’m writing.
So, as I sat there listening to God speak through my pastor, I started to soften. I started writing. But then, when we started singing again? I just wasn’t in the mood.
And then? As I walked out to pick up the girls, I was stopped by my friend Morgan. And can I just say that God used that beautiful girl to break me? She did something for me that just crushed that stupid shell around my heart. Tears sprang from my eyes. She hugged me. She told me she loved me. And I felt that bad mood just wash away.
Bless you, MoMo. You have no idea what your sweet, selfless gesture meant to me. But, my goodness, my bedroom smells good.
After lunch, I took a 2-hour nap. Then we got together for a church staff bonfire with some of the most wonderful people ever. And I’m reading a book that I’ve read so many times it’s literally falling apart, but it’s just what I need anytime I’m feeling sorry for myself.
So. That’s where I’m at. Kind of broken. Which isn’t such a bad place to be.