Jan
16
I’m on the living room floor on my shins and forearms, pounding out some words on Gabe’s laptop because even though I finally figured out where I hid mine, I’m too lazy to actually make room for it at my desk, counting the seconds until my feet fall asleep and my 36-year-old back starts to protest.
If I sound like a hot mess to you, well then.
I have something to say, and rather than wait until it’s all processed and I know how to say it neatly and sweetly, I’m just going to air it out now and get it off my chest.
Some things have got to change around here. And by “around here,” I mean this blog. And my life. And my heart.
Yesterday at church Pastor Rich mentioned 9 of the most common sins, and I’m delighted to tell you that 3 of them are not really a struggle at all for me, 3 probably are, but I haven’t really realized it yet, and 3 are pretty glaring.
Pride, anger, and self-centeredness.
God has been gently hammering away at me for awhile about all three of these. And while the anger thing is something best dealt with in the privacy of my home and family (for one, because that’s where it shows up pretty exclusively), the pride and self-centeredness need to be dealt with here, because the internet is where I struggle most with both of those things.
It’s amazing how quickly I can make everything all about ME.
I don’t have the time/energy to re-hash all that’s happened in the past couple years on the “career” front for me, but here’s the scoop in a nutshell: I’m an author with real published books under my belt. And so that’s kind of a big part of my identity (whether it should be or not). But it’s been three years now since I’ve had a book published, and there’s a lot of hard work ahead of me if I ever want to get to the place where I can publish another one (through a publisher, not on my own). And that means a lot of platform-building and getting lots of people to notice me and know who I am and all that.
And I sense God telling me that I need to be done with that. For good.
Now, I have a ton of author friends who I love to pieces, and I’m not saying that building your platform and gaining followers is all prideful and self-centered and whatever. I’m just passing on what God is saying to ME.
And I’ve been thinking the past couple days (a dangerous activity when you’re suffering from jet lag) about the things I do (and am) online and wondering which of those things are a part of my life because God wants them to be and they bring him glory and which are things I’m just doing to get people to notice me.
I’m aware of the fact that I’m not making any sense, so I’ll just start explaining some small changes I’ve made.
Pinterest. Why did I join Pinterest a few months ago and then never look at it again? Why was I getting a ton of notifications in my e-mail that such-and-such had started following my boards?
Pinterest is cute. And swell. And helpful. But for me, it’s too overwhelming. I have too many things to do already, and there’s no space for it. I don’t really need to know about all the amazing, creative, adorable people out there that are way more awesome than me. And I don’t have to live in fear that if I’m not a part of it, I’ll be missing out and that people won’t know who I am and yadda yadda blah-blah.
So I canceled my account.
And I unsubscribed from The Writer’s View (a Yahoo group for authors) and a Facebook page for writers that I was a part of. And I unsubscribed from a bunch of blogs that I don’t have time to read but read anyway just so that I can feel like I’m “in the loop.”
And Twitter might be the next thing to go, because I haven’t even been on it in 2 months.
And I’m evaluating everything I say and do online to see what purpose it’s serving. Whose purpose it’s serving. God’s? Or mine truly?
The internet is amazing. I love the connection. I have seen God use it in a million different fabulous ways to make his name glorious. But I also know that if he calls me to just live a faithful life without telling the world about it, I need to be willing to do that.
If he calls me to move to Cambodia without blogging about it every day I’m there, I need to be willing to be his hands and feet and not his mouth.
I need to do this online thing on his terms, not mine. So I’m going to spend some time (as much time as it takes) asking him what that means practically speaking.
And I’m anticipating that I will screw up A LOT over the next few days, weeks, months. Your grace and patience would be a balm to my soul.
I’ve had a rough 24 hours. And I know from experience that getting my mind off myself means I need to take some other people to God in prayer. So I’d love it if you’d share a prayer need with me (either in the comments or e-mail).
And wouldn’t you know it, my back is aching, and my feet are asleep. That’s my cue.
That explains why I couldn’t tag you in a Pin yesterday.
It was Scrabble letter pillows.
Sorry, friend!
Praying for you and your sweet family’s transition back into life at home, friend! Could you please pray for God to give me wisdom for little Anna’s naps? We’re having a hard time, so I’m trying to adjust things to help her sleep better…not easy. Also, I have an issue with my gums that hurts–heading to the dentist today. Merci, merci!
Praying for Anna! Baby’s first year is a tough one. And praying for your gums. I broke a tooth in Cambodia, and I’m totally dreading calling/going to the dentist.
It’s amazing how God places things before us to make us realize how small our own troubles really are. After reading your post and your request for prayers, I thought I can do that. I have a list of “needs.” Then I read through just a few of the comments and realized how incredibly blessed I am.
The cool thing though is that God still cares about my troubles, even if they’re “small.” Hugs, friend!
[...] About our future, for people in Cambodia, for all the wonderful people who commented/e-mailed after yesterday’s post, for my sweet [...]
I’m new here ~ I followed a link from another blog’s Facebook account to this specific post. What a beautifully written post. I think that it can be best to write from your heart, exactly as it comes out, before you have time to fix it up and make it “perfect.” I’m new to blogging, and my most recent prayer has been that God would use my blog to His glory and that I will remember not to use it to mine. I’m quite sure it will be an ongoing process. Thanks so much for opening up and keeping it real.
Amen, Katie! Thanks for stopping by and sharing such encouraging words!
Marla, sorry, this is totally unrelated to this post, but I was so excited I had to tell you.
Ever since you read Organized Simplicity and it was such an inspiration to you, I’ve been wanting to read it. I was hesitant to buy it, though, because I KNOW my track record with organizing! (hmpf) I saw it on Amazon yesterday for FREE for Kindle! I don’t have a Kindle, but downloaded the free app for PC, and then the free book! So excited, and can’t wait to dive in. Hoping it will inspire me to make big changes! 
I got it free too!! And I don’t have a Kindle either but hoping to get one in the next few months. I’m pretty sure you’ll love it. And the fact that she gets to the real heart of the matter makes organization much easier. And if it makes you feel better, my house is a WRECK right now, stuff from Cambodia everywhere. Sigh.
Welcome home! I’ve so enjoyed your words and pics from Cambodia. Jet lag does funny things to a person so be kind to yourself for a while longer.
Since you asked- my 17 yo niece has been battling an aggressive form of leukemia since August. She had a stem cell transplant three days before Christmas thanks to a random donor. She is now very sick with graft vs host disease and prayers are appreciated. Her faith is inspiring but she (and her parents) are utterly worn out. Thanks Marla…I will add you to my prayers too!
Praying for your niece, friend. That breaks my heart. Praying God heals her quickly and completely!
Joyce, I’m praying for your niece too. <3
This past year has been a rough one with our two older daughters. They’re so not interested in God. Some of the pain is so personal that I can’t even put it in writing but the most current thing we’re going through is that our eighteen- year-old is pregnant. She has been considering marrying the father of her baby but right now that’s off the table for at least a year. We think that’s a good thing. However, I don’t want to stand in God’s way. He can do anything He wants–I just want my whole family to end up on our knees before Him.
Praying for/with you, friend! That’s so, so hard. (I e-mailed you.) Hugs!!
Even in your “hot mess” angst, God uses you to inspire me (and a whole lot more people too). Just thought you should know that.
Prayer request: My bosses are dragging their feet finding my replacement and keep trying to get me to stay longer. I’ve already given them two-and-a-half weeks extra above my initial 3-weeks notice. Can you pray that I’ll stand my ground and put the needs of my family above the wants of a company I’ve already resigned from (but that I can do so with kindness so that I don’t burn bridges)? I keep trying to please bosses who won’t be my bosses anymore in two weeks and it’s silly because it’s causing stress on our home.
Thanks cousin. Love you.
“a whole lot more people” ???? WHAT was that? How about “a whole lot of other people too”
since its not about you, i’ll give God your hugs ‘n love mkay? {{{{marla}}}}} nevermind – i’ve got enough to go around
my father was terminated from his job last week. he’s waiting to hear regarding the workman’s comp settlement. it took them 8 months to “release” him so waiting seems to have become his life. please pray for wisdom for he and my mom as they (at age 60) have to figure out how to proceed now that he’s (effectively) disabled.
My daddy is 60 too. Praying for him and your mama! Thanks for the hugs!!
Marla, I just love you. I’m just sure we would be friends in real life if we lived close to each other.
Thank you for boldly challenging me to work harder to get rid of the SELF in me and make sure everything I’m doing truly is for GOD’s glory, not mine.
I would love your prayers. In lieu of a resolution this year, God is challenging me just to work to BE DIFFERENT, in pretty much every area. To examine my parenting, my marriage, my giving and serving, my homemaking, my job….and seek to be more like Him in all of it. A lot like what you’re saying – perhaps just with different words. It can seem so daunting and overwhelming, and I struggle to know what is my part and what is His part. Beth Moore said once, “There are some things that have to GO, so that we can GO!” And that’s what I want! All the things out that need to go so that I can go forward into what God has for me!
Amen, and amen! Thank you so much, faraway friend!
p.s. Prayed for you just now!
Thanks, Marla.
Welcome home! I’ve been reading each day, loving the updates. It seems there is a constant struggle to know exactly how we are to live our lives and flesh out our faith – which is probably the way God wants it so we must stay connected to him.
For me, my current struggle is boldness and authenticity on my little blog while still honoring my former spouse and father of my sweet children. The balance is tough and inevitably I step on toes. Is it healthy to avoid the subject matter all together? Or share freely with grace? It’s not always clear to me.
Have a sweet day getting re-settled at home.
Praying for you, Missy. That’s tough stuff, friend.
I have prayer requests.
1) safe journeys for my travel to Houston this weekend
2) God to navigate His direction for my book (my first…and i’m almost finished with it…scary…oh and i haven’t approahced publishers yet)
3) wisdom, patience & utter FAITH in Him in my leadership role with BFGO (a 501(c)3 I founded)
4) for my oldest son (almost 23) to find a new church and start attending. he is an intellectual and teeters dangerously close to the edge of unbelief, IMHO.
5) healing and restoration in my marriage
I am praying for you too.
Wow, Melissa. That’s a lot for one girl to handle. So thankful God is there to shoulder your burdens! Prayed for you just now. Have fun in Houston! I was planning to go up until right before we left for Cambodia and I realized how over-ambitious that was.
I’m thinking about you so much and praying for you as you navigate through “what’s next”. I love you!!!
We just watched videos of Cambodia last night with my sis and bro-in-law. Missed you so much after watching you read the Christmas story and encouraging your boys to eat bugs. Need your prayers like crazy. Love you!