Time for another one of those self-imposed xanga hiatuses. I’ve had a rough week, and it’s been mostly my own doing. I went to bed at 9:00 (!!) last night, disgusted with myself for not being able to handle my life. Seems like all I’ve done on xanga lately is ask for pity parties, air dirty laundry, and whine. So, I’m going to take a deep breath, spend a lot of time in God’s Word and prayer (something that I imagine I do tons of, but in reality it’s not that much). I’ll be praying for my family, for me, and for you guys.
If you want to pray for me, you can start with my day today–that I’ll be prepared (and in the right frame of mind) for my interview at 4:00 and our overnight guests at 6:00. Thank you!
I’ll still need to check e-mail, but no other internet stuff. If you need to contact me for any reason (prayer requests included), feel free to e-mail or call.
I’m hoping to spend lots of time with my kiddos. Lack of this has been a big part of the problem. Ava’s response to lack of attention is blatant disobedience and defiance. This makes me angry. I lash out. She lashes back. She needs Mommy’s love (and time) today. And she’s more important than a clean house or a perfect dessert to impress my guests.
Was reading in Romans this morning in the Message Bible. Came across some verses that pierced my soul. I’m lousy, yes, but Christ’s blood covers it all. Hallelujah!
From Romans 3:
Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Our of sheer generosity, he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.
And from the end of Romans 7:
It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?
The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
See you on Monday with a report of God’s goodness! Love you guys!