Case in point. This blog entry from four years ago today–April 26, 2006.

I’m one of THOSE mothers…

I used to roll my eyes at those parents who would watch their little kids up on stage at church (during a Christmas program or what have you) and just be BEAMING for no apparent reason. Their child was doing nothing special. Just standing there. Maybe mouthing the words. More than likely staring off into space or twiddling his thumbs. They’d have their camera and video camera, snapping photos left and right, WAVING to their child from their pew. Yes, WAVING. Grinning to beat the band, proud as a peacock, oblivious to the world around them. All that mattered was their child–the STAR. Make me puke.

Okay, fast forward to Livi’s first year of Cubbies (AWANA club at church). April 2004. Cubbies award program. My little baby, MY LITTLE BABY, up on the stage! Oh, I could hardly believe it. She was so BIG. And so fabulous. And such a STAR. I know we took pictures, maybe video, I can’t remember.

I DO remember her PICKING HER NOSE on stage.

Fast forward some more to April 26th, 2006. Livi has her final Cubbies awards program before she graduates to Sparkies, and AVA makes her stage debut. They were sooo excited, especially Ava.

I don’t know what happened to me. I’m usually fairly reserved at times like these. But tonight I was shameless. Gabe had the video camera, I had the digital camera. I WAVED at my babies from my pew. I was BEAMING. The lighting was terrible, and the pictures I was taking weren’t turning out. “I’m going to the front,” I said, climbing over Gabe and making my way around the auditorium in my loud flipflops, kneeling by the front pew, thanking the Lord that I wore a long tank under my shirt, because the only pair of jeans I can fit in right now SHOW MY CRACK whenever I bend over. Met my friend Cami on my way up. “Let’s GO!” I told her. “We’ll be those crazy parents who just don’t know where to draw the line!”

My camera still wasn’t working. “Take pictures of my babies for me!” I hissed at Cami, who is a professional photographer.

Ava was grinning from ear to ear, twiddling with her skirt. Twiddling, twiddling, lifting, lifting, SHOWING THE WORLD HER BRIGHT BLUE CINDERELLA PANTIES! I still beamed.

They sang two songs, got a ribbon, and clamored off the stage.

My daughters, THE STARS.

I do have fabulous news. After much time in prayer and some I-really-truly-mean-it surrender, I’m back in a writing groove. If you couldn’t tell, it’s been a looooong time. I’ll explain more later, but just to give you a heads-up, I’m formulating a little survey (for any and all interested parties) concerning your thoughts and feelings about the internet and the friendships/connections you’ve made online. I’ll let you know when it’s ready.

Until then, here’s a Question for you–When did you start blogging, why did you start blogging and (in 10 words or less) what do you blog about?

Happy, happy Monday!!

p.s. Gabe installed a funky little “Like” button on my blog. If you like a certain post, you can click on the button, and it will post it to your facebook wall. Crazy, huh? If you want one for your own blog, check out his “simple” instructions here.

The book I started writing on jealousy and insecurity. The one about in-laws. The ones on Bible prophecy, dandelions, and the messy business of motherhood.

The companion book to mine that I want my husband to write: She Thinks That’s All You Think About.

Then there are all the scribbled quotes and thoughts and crazy notions and flashes of brilliance that I scrawled on scraps of this or that before they disappeared into the Abyss of Fabulous Ideas That You Get at the Most Inopportune Times (like when you’re driving on the interstate or standing in the shower) So Nothing Ever Comes of Them.

I’m not naive enough to think that all of my words are destined for publication someday. Goodness knows I’d be happy if a publisher said yes to just one more book. Period. But I’ve been thinking lately that God might have a plan for a lot of those words I worked so hard to piece together.

I’ve been flipping through old journals and notebooks lately (with bits of scrap paper flying everywhere), and sometimes I’m pleasantly surprised by what I discover. Something I wrote in 1999 that fits perfectly with a talk I’m giving in 2010. Something I recorded in 2002 that I can slip neatly into my current book project.

A few years ago my sister looked through her old journals and copied all the parts where she talked about what she wanted in a husband someday–and gave it to her groom on their honeymoon.

My mom e-mails snippets from her 90 (!!) journals to my girls about their early months and years of life. They love it.

I have hundreds of old letters and some old journals written by precious people in my family (including my Great-Aunt Leona’s Elite Trip Abroad Book from 1949), and I’ve been discovering ways to pass on some of those long-ago penned words to bless various folks.

All that journaling I did for three months while I student taught in Okinawa, Japan? Maybe it wasn’t good enough for a traditional publisher, but my self-published memoir has touched a lot of people over the past 10 years.

My first NaNoWriMo novel? Again, not Barnes & Noble material, but God is helping me use it to raise money for missions.

I’m hoping to carve out a day to myself sometime soon, and I’m going to sift through desk drawers and folders and notebooks and computer files and ask God to show me what He might want to do with some of those million+ words.

God is the consummate recycler, renewer, resurrector. Taking stuff (read: people) that everyone else thinks is worthless and making it like new again, using it for a brand new purpose. Everything He created is good, and He’s not about to let it go to waste.

I know I’m not God, and my words aren’t people. I also know I can’t take every word I’ve ever written and make something fabulous out of it. Some might serve no higher purpose than to show me how far I’ve come in 20 years. Some might show me that I’m still struggling with the same stinking things, darn it. Some I might gently kiss good-bye and toss in the trash (er, recycle bin I mean, Ali, my sweet green friend).

But some of them might find their way to somewhere special where they will somehow, someway, someday bless someone’s life and draw them closer to the God I love. Ooh, I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it!

Do you have any words stuffed away that could be resurrected, recreated, recycled? Any plans to give them new life any time soon?

p.s. I’m guest-posting today over at a very special gal’s blog. I’d go nuts if you’d pop over and say hi to me there! Stay tuned tomorrow for a riveting post on monochromatic books!

Need a little refresher? Back on November 1, I decided to try this crazy thing called NaNoWriMo. Thirty days later, I had myself a 50,000-word novel. I knew I didn’t want to pursue publication (for one thing, it’d be an insult to real fiction writers who’ve worked for years on their craft).

Then I got the idea–why not sell my “novel” to raise $ for the kiddos (orphans and girls sold in the sex trade) that my friend Jen works with in Cambodia? My unbelievably talented husband created a website for me (in 2 days), hooked me up with a company that helps you sell e-books, and we’re ready to go!

You can find out all this info and more on the site, but I decided on a pricetag of $8. Half of that $8 (so $4) will go directly to Jen in Cambodia to buy food and supplies for the kiddos she helps. The other $4 ($3.25) will go to Paypal fees, Payloadz fees (the company I’m using to distribute the e-book), and website hosting fees. The 75 cents left over? Pei Wei Fund (for hungry, but not starving, children at the Taviano House).

Here’s the deal. You have two choices:

1. You can read the book a little bit at a time for the next 10 months (a new installment will post every 1-3 days). This is totally free.

2. Or you can buy it now and read it all at once.

I’d love to hear your feedback on the project. But if you would, go easy on me for the time being. I’m in a tender spot right now (mostly because of Miss Faith). To use an American Idol analogy, if you’ve got an Ellen comment, I’m all ears. If you’re feeling Simon-ish (truthful but painful), just hold that thought for a week or so. Thanks!

Have an AWESOME weekend, friends. And please, please keep praying for Faith!

p.s. Would the darling person who sent me the gorgeous giraffe-print tunic and Scrabble letters and lip gloss please speak up? (I know you probably won’t, but it’s worth a try.) You rocked my world today, friend! Bless you!

“Why do you put ‘novel’ in quotation marks?” you ask. Good question! Because I’ve read enough real novels in my day to refrain from lumping my first stab at fiction in with the published novels that grace library and bookstore shelves around the globe.

The day an honest-to-goodness publisher pays me money for a work of fiction (a made-up story, as opposed to my other books which are true) will be the day I call myself a novelist.

Anyway.

I mentioned yesterday that one of the main themes of the “novel” is in-laws. Without giving too much away, there’s a part of the book where I explore a little dilemma I like to call What in the World Am I Supposed to Call My In-Laws?

Have you experienced this?

For whatever reason, I have always been very, very intrigued by the names people use to refer to their in-laws (both to their face and when speaking about them to others). And on a related note, how they arrived at their decision.

Do you call your husband’s parents Mom and Dad? Mr. and Mrs.? Richard and Becky? Hey you?

And what about your husband? What does he call your parents? And are both parties okay with it?

Quite a few years ago, I asked friends, family, blog readers, complete strangers to fill out an in-law survey. I asked the “What do you call them?” question, and the (extremely varied) answers had me rolling. Rolling.

(Speaking of those surveys, if you filled one out, chances are you’ll be making an anonymous cameo appearance in my “novel.” Oh, yes.)

And you didn’t ask, but I call Gabe’s parents Rock and Janelle (their first names). It was his mom’s idea. And everybody’s happy with it. And yes, Rock is his dad’s given name.

For the longest time, he didn’t really call mine anything. Then my brother-in-law, Stewart, came up with something brilliant that changed everyone’s lives forever. Bethany, don’t ruin it! It’ll be in the book!

So, tell me:

If you’re married, what do you call your in-laws? What does your husband call his? How does everybody feel about the arrangement?

If you’re not married, but hope to be someday, play pretend. Ideally, what would you call your in-laws? What would your hubby call your folks?

I’m dying to know. (and I just may throw some of your answers into my “novel” just for fun!)

p.s. Thank you SO much for your awesome responses to yesterday’s post! Y’all are the sweetest, most giving people EVER. I’ve boxed up a ton of Blushing Bride books, and I don’t want to stop. Let me know if you want some! Details here. I’ll talk more about all the giving opportunities next week! Have a wonderful weekend!

So, you know how I participated in National Novel Writing Month (aka NaNoWriMo) this November? Well. I finished. Excuse me, I WON. (That’s the proper NaNo slang for getting to 50,000 words by midnight on November 30. Anybody can win.)

And you know what? It really wasn’t all that hard. And do you know what that statement says about me? My novel is probably a piece of trash. Because GOOD writing? Does not generally come so easy.

On second thought, it WAS hard. Here’s what I thought was hardest:

1. coming up with plot ideas and not resolving them instantly, no matter how hard I wanted to.

2. writing an average of 1,667 words a day, even when I didn’t feel like it.

3. writing a story from beginning to end (I have never, ever done this before).

4. not going back one single time to edit anything.

5. making it realistic but not boring.

I’m going to let the little booger sit for awhile. Then sometime in January, I might get it out, read it (I’ve never even read it!), edit and revise it, and then… I’m not dumb enough to think it’s something a publisher would want to look at. My sweet agent would probably raise her eyebrow at me if I even hinted at it. This thing was just me dipping my toes in fiction writing to see if it’s something I’d like to study/learn/pursue.

I’m not sure it is.

I’m definitely not a natural at it. The whole plot thing? Ack. Now, dialogue? That’s another thing altogether. People talking to each other? I’m all over that. If I could write a book that was 100% dialogue (or a book of letters!), I might give it a whirl.

If I were on stage accepting an award right now for “winning” NaNoWriMo, I’d have to thank my husband first. That dude got so into my book. He wanted to help me invent characters and plot twists. He gave me ideas and mapped out a time line. He even made a map of the world (one of my characters lives in Ohio and one in Cambodia–original, I know).

Speaking of original, most of my characters and plot were modeled after someone/some experience I’m familiar with. Apparently, I’m lacking in the imagination department. Because much of the story takes place in Cambodia–in an orphanage even–I’m thinking of ways I could use the “book” to help raise money for the missionary (love you, Jen!) and kiddos our church supports over there.

Gabe and I have tossed around the idea of making a website for the “book.” (And yes, I’m going to keep writing the word “book” in quotations.) Like, start in February and post a page of the book each day. And if you just can’t wait (ha!) a whole year to finish the book, you can make a donation to the Coins for Cambodia Fund, and I’ll send you the whole manuscript.

You like-a?

If you’ve ever considered writing a novel, I highly recommend NaNoWriMo as a great place to start. There’s no pressure. You can write 50,000 words of pure waste, and you still win. No one sees your novel. It doesn’t matter how awful it is. You just write and write and write. And worry about making it good later. Or never.

Can you see yourself writing a novel someday?

So, we know that bloggers who hope to get a lot of traffic need to develop a brand, a primary message, something consistent that readers keep coming back for. If Random is a brand, then I’m all over it. (Bless all of you dear hearts who commented yesterday that you just love my rambling and “Don’t ever, ever stop!”)

Here’s the quandary (man, I love that word): I have a job. That job is to write and sell books. The writing part? I’ve got it down. (did I mention that I just chonked out a 50,000 word novel in 29 days?)

Here’s how I used to picture an author’s job: Write book. Get book published. Sit back and watch book sell. Repeat. As it turns out, yeah. I was missing a huge slice of the Successful Author Pie.

Here’s what publishers are looking for: a person who can write (me! pick me! I can write!) AND has an enormous following of people who will all buy that person’s book once it hits the shelves (bummer). In other words, you need more than great writing to convince a publisher to take a chance on you. You need semi-celebrity status and/or a history of stellar book sales. I have neither (my sales have been “modest” or “mediocre,” depending on who you ask).

Ideally? I would blog to make friends. As an author? I’m supposed to amass fans. I’ll tell you what. Making connections and building genuine friendships is infinitely more rewarding than knowing a lot of people read my blog. Sure, it’s fun to be popular. But I’d rather be liked (and yes, there’s a difference).

Fans are fickle. Friends are loyal. Fans inflate your head. Friends inflate your heart. You can have thousands of fans and still be very lonely. Friends are there for you when you’re hurt or frustrated or need prayer (or a hug).

I would love to just be Marla The Person (Friend, Sister, Mentor) here on the blog. But Marla The Author is a big part of who I am too. I wish numbers didn’t have to matter. But in my line of work, they do. (The obvious solution? Each of you promise to buy 100 copies of my next book.) I guess what I don’t want to be is the Girl Who Pretends to be Your Friend So She Can Sell You Something. I want to be the Girl Who Wants to be Your Friend. Period.

I know God is in control of my career and all that entails. I also know that it’s my responsibility to use my gifts wisely and not let them go to waste. I don’t know, unfortunately, quite how all of that is supposed to look in my daily life and blog.

Do you have any brilliant ideas, friends? (500 words! Again! Kapow!)

Here’s the deal. Mr. H. wrote a post on Saturday entitled, “Do You Make These 10 Mistakes When You Blog?” Sadly, I’m guilty of roughly eight of them on a regular basis. Boo. And I’m re-posting his Mistakes List without permission, which is most likely Mistake #11, but I’ll write now and ask forgiveness tomorrow. Here’s Mr. Hyatt’s list (in bold type) followed by my comments.

Mistake #1: You don’t post enough. Well, bless my soul. I got this one right. I post just about every single weekday and sometimes on weekends. Score.

Mistake #2: You post too much. Well.

Mistake #3: Your post is too long. Yes. Guilty. Apparently, the goal is 500 words per post. I’ve already written 181, and I’m just getting started.

Mistake #4: You don’t invite engagement. The posts that invite the most engagement are those that are “controversial, transparent and open-ended.” I agree. And yet, I shy away from the controversial many times because I’m often still licking my wounds from the last time I dipped my toes in the pool of controversy.

Mistake #5: You don’t participate in the conversation. Mr. Hyatt does an amazing job of replying to the comments on his blog (right in the comments section). I do talk back but not a lot.

Mistake #6: You don’t make your content accessible. In other words, do you write in such a way that people can scan your content and items of interest will catch their attention? (subheads, bulleted lists, shorter paragraphs.) On rare occasions, I’ll nail this one. Like today.

Mistake #7: You don’t create catchy headlines. Not with any frequency.

Mistake #8: Your first paragraph is weak. Most days? Guilty.

Mistake #9: Your post is off-brand. What does this mean in plain English? Well, bloggers who are trying to build traffic (get more blog readers) are supposed to stick to a primary message. “Hobby bloggers” can get away with a little more random, but they’re not going to get tons of people coming back (except for friends and family). Herein lies my biggest quandary. (stay tuned later this week for an entire post devoted to Mistake Number Nine)

Mistake #10: Your post is about YOU. Gulp. Mr. Hyatt asserts that readers of this blog don’t care about Marla Taviano; they care about themselves. “What’s in this post for ME?” you ask. This one’s a biggie. Even if you’re someone who comes here because you know and love me, it’d still be nice to get something out of the blog, eh?

Please keep in mind that he’s talking specifically to bloggers who want to increase traffic to their site for one reason or another.

Which of these mistakes do you think is most important to avoid?

500 words on the nose! Rock on!

And on a completely unrelated (but super important) note: Happy 33rd Birthday to my husband Gabe (aka GodsMac)! I love you!

Okay, now that we’ve got the mush out of the way, how about we jump back in to the self-publishing debate? Watch it. Sure, I’m ready to jump. Whatcha got for me today?

First things first, did you know Michael Hyatt retweeted your blog post yesterday? Oh, did he? I hadn’t noticed. That’s nice.

Oh, brother. So, let’s talk about agents. Do wanna-be writers really need one? I mean, they take 15% of your hard-earned profits. If you self-publish, you can bypass them altogether. Sounds good to me. Okay, again, much has already been written on the topic. Agent Rachelle, Writer Jody, and Publishing CEO Michael (and tons of others) have all written really good posts about this, so I’m just going to share my personal experience.

Long story short, I got my first two book deals without an agent (read my unorthodox story here). Hooked up with an agent for my next two. And signed on with The Most Fabulous Agent in the History of the World a couple months ago (and lest you think this is flattery, I’ve already wooed her and won, so there). Here’s what TMFAITHOTW (aka Rachelle) does for me: She takes what I’ve written and reads it through her Super Agent Filter. She knows immediately if my project stands a chance. She suggests ideas for improving my writing. She says things like, “This is too boring” or “This won’t work” or “Maybe try this…” She knows publishers. She knows the market. She knows good writing. And she doesn’t hand out empty compliments.

When I think of what my project WAS and what it IS NOW (and is still becoming) because of Rachelle’s wisdom and advice, I could weep.

Okay, okay, okay. But you just said you got your first two book deals without an agent. So…? Let’s do this book by book. Book #1–honestly, I handed the completed manuscript in to my editor, and he said it was amazingly clean and he made very, very little changes. Book #2–same deal, except for one thing. My editor (a different one) suggested that I needed to “soften my approach.” I was trying to get women to (make) love (to) their husbands, but I was being a little bit of a bully about it in places. Book #3–again, as is. Book #4–My agent made a couple minor changes in my proposal. Then my editor suggested some amazing ideas (I hadn’t written the book yet when I submitted the proposal) and the book turned into something fabulous.

Still not seeing the point of an agent… That was then. This is now. I’m ready to step things up to the next level. Publishing houses are going under. The ones who are thriving (or at least surviving) are cutting the number of books they publish each year. It’s harder than ever to get a book deal. And so on and so forth (and such as and such as).

Which brings me to another point…

Hey, I’m the one making the points here. Whose blog is this anyway? Anyway, Rachelle encourages me to do my absolute best. Honestly, most of the time I’m tempted to just write “good enough.” Like this blog for example. I’ll go back and proofread, but I don’t spend a lot of time revising and rewriting (hardly any time actually) and it shows. But a blog post doesn’t necessarily have to be your absolute best writing. A book should be.

I think most writing can be improved and improved and improved some more. Sure, eventually you have to call it a night and send the thing to the printer, but I think many times, we’re just too lazy/impatient to keep polishing our stuff until it shines. We want immediate gratification–seeing our name on a book before we put in the months (and probably years) of hard work. And as one commenter said yesterday, if you publish mediocre work, you’ve damaged your reputation. People won’t want to read your work again, even if it’s good.

So, you’re saying that everyone who chooses to self-publish is a lazy gun-jumper? I love how you put words in my fingers. N-O. That is not what I’m saying. I already talked about how I self-published a book (and I may do another one someday). And I mentioned my friend Tammy. And there’s also my friend Cheryl. Some things I want to write may never be picked up by a traditional publisher, but that doesn’t mean I don’ t know a lot of people who would be interested in reading them.

I think you’ve got to examine your motives. Do you have something to share that may benefit people now instead of waiting 10 years until it’s perfect and you find an agent to represent you? Or are you just impatient? If you’re a believer, it’s something to pray about faithfully until you feel God leading you in one direction or another.

This book publishing thing is not for the faint of heart.

Well, I could stay here all day, but this post is twice as long as a Thanksgiving Eve post should be. And it is your husband’s birthday, and you’ve barely mentioned him. He’s the one who suggested I write this post. He’s a little more networked and savvy than I’ll ever be.

Happy Thanksgiving from both of us! Me and Gabe? Or me and you?

I am you, you moron. Just ignore that man behind the curtain.

Um, Marla, what in the world are you even talking about? Ah, yes. I’m getting ahead of myself. To fill you in (and if you’re one of my sweet readers who has no interest in writing or publishing, come back tomorrow for some fun pictures!), a couple publishers (Thomas Nelson and Harlequin) have recently announced new self-publishing divisions. Basically, if you have a story to tell and want to write a book but can’t find a way to get it into an agent’s (or publisher’s) hands, here’s your chance! (if you have a few thousand dollars lying around not earmarked for say, your house payment)

Have a little parentheses fetish, do we? Uh…

Based on everything already written about this, it would seem you’ve entered the conversation late. So why bother writing a post now? Ha! Can you read my mind? I’ve started this post several times in my head and each time concluded, “Why bother? It’s all been said already.” (Catch up on the conversations here and here.) But then I realized something. I don’t have to shed new light. I don’t need to solve any problems or offer conclusive answers. I don’t even have to take sides.

I just need to tell it like I see it. Bear witness to my own personal experience.

When (if ever) is self-publishing a good idea? In 1997, I spent 3 months on the island of Okinawa, Japan as a student teacher. That experience made a huge impact on me, and the writer/storyteller in me needed to get it on paper. Now, no one but my relatives and supportive friends (and the kids I taught in Japan) is going to care to read a book about an obscure college student’s teaching adventures. So, I self-published it with this company. It cost me a whopping $99 back in 2001. The best $99 I’ve ever spent. (their packages start at $599 now)

I love that those three months of my life are documented, bound and printed in this book. I never promoted it, have no idea how many copies it sold, but it was worth every penny and every minute I spent writing it. If you have a story to tell and want to preserve it for generations to come, self-publishing could be for you.

Well, good for you doing it 8 years ago for pocket change. Let’s say I spend $6000 to get my book self-published. How easy will it be to earn that money back and then some? Next to impossible. Well, that’s not true. If your book is fiction, then yes, it will be impossible. Unless you wrote The Shack. And non-fiction? You’ve got to figure out a way to get tons and tons of people to buy your book. It can be done, but marketing also costs money which just adds to your bill.

Do self-published books count as “real” books? In a word, no. When people ask me how many books I’ve written, I say four. That would be the three published by Harvest House and the one published by Howard Books. I don’t even count my self-published book in the total.

Are there exceptions to this “not a real book” thing? Heavens, yes. My amazing friend Tammy self-published two books that have probably sold more copies than all four of mine combined. She’s a brilliant writer and speaker, has met an incredible felt need, and she and her books are destined for greatness.

I have a great story to tell. What are my chances of getting a “real” publisher interested in my book? Um, not that great. And your chances (and mine) are getting slimmer every day, it would seem.But that doesn’t mean…

Hey, hate to cut you off before you even get to the good stuff, but this post is already a little long. Any chance you could continue your brilliant thoughts tomorrow? Uh, sure. But I kind of promised my faithful readers some pictures…

They seem to be a patient group. Back tomorrow with part 2 of “Self-Publishing: Profitable or Pointless?” Maybe you could talk about agents and stuff. Yeah, what he (she?) said. And in the meantime, if you want to read more, check out these interesting posts from my friends Peter and Jody.

What do you do in the event that you’d like to be a Mom and a Writer–at the same time? (and I realize you’re 50 other things too–just focusing on these 2 today) Is this okay? Can you do both well, or is one going to suffer? Are you a better mom if you wait until your kids are older to pursue your dreams?

Gail and Jody both brought up really good points in their comments this week. Gail referenced an interview she did with author Deborah Raney where Deborah says that each family is different, “but my ‘stock’ advice to ‘aspiring writers who have small children at home is: WAIT. At the very least, wait until they’re all in school (or school age, if you home school). They’ll grow up before you know it, and then you’ll have all the time in the world to pursue your writing dream. …”

Jody says, “Balancing writing and family responsibilities is incredibly challenging! But at the recent conference I attended, the key note speaker said that through our writing we can inspire our children to follow their dreams. I’m beginning to accept that my writing will make my family life less than perfect, but it wasn’t perfect before either! And in fact, perhaps my writing can enrich my family life in a new way!”

This is one of those issues when I think you HAVE to spend time in prayer and ask God what is best for YOUR family. And you CAN’T give into peer pressure or let yourself feel false guilt over your choice or JUDGE other moms who choose a different path than you.

My mom and I chose similar career paths. We both taught school for awhile, then left teaching for good when we started having babies. Then I veered off the path when I started freelance writing for McGraw-Hill when Livi was a baby. Then I moved on to writing books and speaking.

So, who made the best choice? We both did.

My favorite chapter in this book is Chapter 10–Changing the World. I talk about how I didn’t know this until recently, but my mom always dreamed of having some type of ministry with my dad. As it turned out, she served (in many ways) at church and blessed people left and right, but her main ministry was taking care of her hubby and four kids.

But those four kids? They became a youth pastor’s wife, another youth pastor’s wife, a youth pastor, and an author/speaker. Without Mom’s full-time dedication to her family, who knows what career paths they would have chosen? Mom made a huge sacrifice to give up her dream so her children could spend their adult lives serving the Lord. And looking back, she wouldn’t have it any other way. (p. 198)

Then there are those of us who choose a different path (or it chooses us). Join me in the middle of p. 193…

Yes, our dreams get put on hold sometimes. No, God never promises to grant us our every fantasy.

And no, your dreams can’t be all about you. Especially if you’re a wife and mom. Leaving your family members to fend for themselves whild you go find yourself and pursue your life calling is not an option.

But on the other hand, I think we tend to underestimate God. Many times we just suck it up and unselfishly put our dreams and passions aside because we think that’s best for the kingdom.

Have we considered the possibility that God just might let us have our cake and eat it too? That maybe He has a place for us right inside His kingdom that has room for us to be wives and moms while doing something we’re passionate about? Something we can do that will matter for eternity?

Our dreams don’t have to be all about us, but they don’t have to be exclusively about our kids either. I actually think our kids are better off if we have dreams and passions outside of them. They feel less pressure when they see that Mommy and Daddy (and the rest of the world) don’t orbit around them. And a child respects a mother who uses her talents in some way or pursues a dream outside of motherhood.

So, tell me: which way do you feel God leading you? Putting your dreams on hold for now? Pursuing them in tandem with motherhood? A happy medium? Are you feeling overwhelmed and conflicted at the moment? I’d love to know how this plays out in your daily life.

One more thing–I’ll be talking about this more in a later post, but just wanted to let you know I’ve joined NaNoWriMo. In a word, I’ve committed to writing a 50,000-word novel (from scratch!) in the month of November. Along with thousands of other crazy people.

I would LOVE it if you jumped in and joined us.

This is way out of my comfort zone, but writing fiction is a someday dream of mine that I’m going to go ahead and get started on (28 days from now).

Have an awesome weekend, friends! Remember–next week is YOU Week!