Today was tough. I cried a lot and spent a lot of time just feeling really sad. And while I asked for prayer on Facebook and Twitter, I didn’t really plan on telling the whole story (or even part of it). Some things are better left unsaid.

Except when they might be able to help someone else.

I got to thinking a little bit ago that I might as well air it all out (well, 89% of it maybe) and let God use it however he’d like. I’m probably committing professional suicide, and I’m ignoring conventional wisdom to wait until the pain’s not quite so raw, but heck. Let’s roll with it.

Some back story. I got my first book published in 2006. Then 2007, 2008, 2009. January will mark three whole years without a book published. And it’s not for lack of trying. I’ve just gotten lots of rejections. On the plus side, they’re the good kind of rejections. “We love your writing, but your previous sales history is a strike against you.”

It’s nice to know I can write.

It stinks to know that my two out-of-print books have become hurdles that have proven impossible to get over. I can’t bring a book back to life; I can only work hard to sell the ones that are still alive. But even that’s not enough.

Long story chopped, lots and lots of my friends have been getting book deals lately. I’ve prayed for this very thing for these women, I love them dearly, yet it stings. And makes me wonder if I’ve had my little moment in the sun and now I’m all washed up. Pity party anyone?

I got an e-mail from a friend this morning that sent me over the edge. She had been afraid to e-mail me about her new book deal, because she knew how it might make me feel (how fun is it to be that person that people are afraid to share good news with??).

I went upstairs, laid across my bed, and bawled. Like snot-on-my-comforter bawled. And talked to Jesus the whole time. I told him that it hurt really bad but that I know he has a plan for my life. I told him that if it doesn’t involve any more books, I want to be cool with that. I want his bigger, better dreams for my life. I don’t want this to steal my Cambodia joy, that beautiful sense of purpose I feel when I’m loving the poor. I told him to take my writing dreams once and for all, because even though I’ve offered them up before, I’m pretty sure I’m still holding on, or this stuff wouldn’t hurt so deeply.

Then I e-mailed my friend and told her I was so proud of her and that her book is going to be awesome (she’s one of the best/funniest writers I know). And then I told her the snotting on the bed story.

She wrote me back and told me about a really cool message she heard this weekend that totally applied to my woes. And she ended with this: “Just know that I am cheering for you, I love you, and I see Him when I look at you.”

Just when I was done with the snot.

So I’m working on making the not-a-book into an e-book (coming soon to a computer, kindle, or nook near you), and while the self-pitying part of me wants to rip it all up, the optimistic side thinks it might just be something that people will like to read.

And if God wants to get glory through my failures or obscurity or weeping instead of my successes and popularity and happiness, so be it. I can say with 100% conviction that I want to live HIS dreams for my life more than I want any little dream of my own.

That doesn’t mean that dying to self won’t ever hurt. But I know with all my heart there’s a deeper joy around the corner.

I can’t really go much of anywhere without a pen and some kind of paper. Thoughts are constantly swirling through my head, and it’s either write ‘em down or kiss ‘em goodbye.

Gabe’s mom and dad are hanging out with our kiddos for a couple days, and we’ve been enjoying nature, sharing hopes and dreams, playing on our computers, and eating food I didn’t cook.

Gabe was taking some HDR shots of some beautiful falls at Old Man’s Cave in Logan, OH (check out some more of his photos here), and I was crystallizing some thoughts when he snapped this pic. I had no idea the camera was on me, or I would have struck a more flattering pose. Looks comfy, no?

Anybody else take a notebook and pen with you wherever you go?

When I got my first book published in 2006, I was completely and totally naive. Much like the premise of that book (marriage is less about roses and kittens than it is about compromise and hard work), no one told me about the realities of life as a published author.

No one told me that the responsibility of marketing the book pretty much fell on my ignorant little shoulders. No one told me that non-fiction writers need a platform and have to actually leave the house and speak to groups of people a couple times a month.

No one warned me about that sad little acronym OOP (Out. Of. Print.). And just a couple years after publication, two of my four books succumbed.

Rather than blame publishers or editors or agents or my next door neighbor for the failures of my books (well, I did that at first), I determined to quit my crying and step up my efforts to keep the other two alive and kicking. Here’s my (I-wish-I-could-say-this-was) fail-proof plan for making that happen:

5 Unconventional Ways to Keep Your Published Book from Languishing in the Land of OOP:

1. Write an e-book that’s a companion to one of your “real” books.

Four years after husbands started asking me when I was going to write the men’s sequel to my book, Is That All He Thinks About?, I finally did it. In e-book form. Guys, meet the answer to your prayers. The Husband’s Guide to Getting Lucky. And I did a not-so-sneaky (but hopefully not obnoxious) job of plugging Is That All He Thinks About? throughout the pages of the e-book.

Yes, The Husband’s Guide took lots of time to write, and no, I didn’t get a big advance, but it’s also “free” advertising for my other book. And it’s also a really fun, helpful resource for dudes. Win win.

2. Give that e-book away for FREE.

My absolute favorite thing about e-books is that I can give one away to whomever I choose whenever I please, and it doesn’t cost me a dime. I’m always getting in trouble (hi, Gabe) for giving my books away instead of selling them. But in this case my husband’s cool with it, because it’s not costing us money.

And LUCKY YOU. Today, August 2, 2011, I’m giving away The Husband’s Guide to Getting Lucky ALL DAY LONG FOR FREE. All you have to do is trade me a tweet or facebook status update, and the book is yours. It’s easy as pie. Just click the blue button below.

3. Pair your living books with your dead books, and give people a rocking deal.

I bought out the remainder (all the copies the publisher had in stock) of my OOP books for about $1 each. And every once in awhile, I’ll sell them in combination with my other books for dirt cheap. Like, say, Is That All He Thinks About? costs you $13, or you can get Is That All He Thinks About?, From Blushing Bride to Wedded Wife, and Changing Your World One Diaper at a Time for $15. And I’ll throw in a free e-book.

Win win.

(And, by the way, you can get that sweet $15 deal today too. Just e-mail me if you’re interested.)

4. Find a really cool author to team up with.

I have several author friends who market my books along with their own (and I do the same for them). Here’s a sweet example.

Win win.

5. Get people to donate your books to a really awesome cause.

Over the past two years, my friends and blog readers have donated 562 copies of my book, Expecting, to crisis pregnancy centers around the world. I generally don’t make any money off these books (in fact, I usually lose a little), but it feels really, really good to know that I’ve played a small part in blessing some pregnant mamas in need of some real encouragement.

And these sweet women give me the motivation I need to keep the book in print, so we can keep on giving. (Click here if you’d like to help.)

And there you have it. For more awesome book marketing ideas from some of my writer friends, check out this post from my agent, Rachelle Gardner.

And for a chance to win a 4-pack of all my books, tell me the best book you read (or wrote!) recently.

After much exciting discussion with Gabe over the weekend (we spent 60 beautiful childless hours in NC, VA, and WV), I’ve decided to:

1.) Write the Husbands’ Sex Book as an e-book for sure and for certain.

2.) Churn it out as quickly as I can.

3.) Spread the word about it to the best of my ability.

4.) Ask/plead/beg all of you for your help and prayers.

Details tomorrow. Today is Write-As-Furiously-As-I-Can Day.

I. Am. So. Excited.

“Blogging is hard,” Gabe said to me the other night. After a long hiatus at GabeTaviano.com, he was trying to get back in the blogging groove.

“I do it five days a week,” I said. Stating the obvious. It’s one of my gifts.

“Yes,” he said, “and you are very good at…”

His pause was a little long. Reading pauses–another one of my gifts. “Good at what?” I said.

“I’m trying to think of how to say this in a nice way…”

“I’m listening.” (and bracing my sensitive self so as to minimize hurt feelings)

“Well…” he said. Enough with the pauses, dude. “Like, some people focus on one thing like leadership… or motherhood… but you…”

“Talk about nothing!” I said, putting words in his mouth, but feeling pretty confident they were the words he wanted to say but loved me too much to say them. “You talk about nothing! Every day of the week!”

“No, I didn’t say that,” he said.

“But that’s what you’re thinking.”

“No, you’re really good at…”

“Sucking! I suck really well. Daily!”

“No! You write in…what do you call it… you get all worked up about prayer doulas for a week, and then bam! It’s Traffick Jam! And then bam! Something else. You write in… bursts! That’s it. You write in bursts.”

“Okay,” I said. “Let’s be real here and talk about what’s in my head. Look at my head. Do you see a steady, consistent flow? Do you see smooth, slow, predictable? Or do you see bursts of ADD, lots of excitement and fizzle, a roller coaster careening dangerously around each bend, about to fly off the track?”

“I wasn’t trying to insult you,” he said. “I was actually trying to compliment you.”

“Go ahead and try again.”

“You don’t have… it’s just that you.. with your faith, you don’t go ahead of what God wants you to be. You’re comfortable with not having an agenda. You don’t try to be someone you’re not. However you feel God leading you, that’s where you go. And go and go and go.”

“Oh. Well, thank you. That means a lot.”

I see what he’s saying. Kind of. And as much as I’d like to add some focus and balance to my life, I do find the predictable to be boring. I guess I’d rather live a crazy, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-sweatpants adventure with Christ than know how things are going to turn out.

I don’t have this walking-with-God, living-for-his-kingdom thing down by any stretch. God and I will just have to keep working out the kinks together. But I’m game, and I know he is too.

Anybody with me?