This is my second stab at this post, because my first was full of angst and made me wince to read it. Hopefully this one is more palatable.

I did not have the best day.

It started out GREAT, if not early. My mama called at 2:30 am to tell me that this little beauty had arrived (my newest niece, Mia Noelle). I am so in love with her already and praying that I’ll get to meet her while she still has that adorable newborn look, smell, feel and cry. (Please, Lord, please!)

So, that was 2:30. It all went downhill from there.

Nothing that happened was my fault. That’s the good news. The trouble is, while I can’t choose my circumstances, I CAN choose my reaction. And I chose the WRONG reaction. Over and over and (sickeningly) over again.

I won’t share all the sordid details, but I very nearly did NOT survive one of the worst nights EVER with one of our children. It was so horrible. Again, it started out as all her and her issues. Then I must have decided it would take too much effort to handle her in a patient, godly, calm manner, and I exploded. She’s forgiven me, God has forgiven me, but man. I feel like I’ve been emotionally shredded.

Thank you to those of you who prayed, because things drastically improved (then got bad one more time). Now everyone is in bed and hopefully very near sleep. New mercies in the morning–praise the Lord!

Got my world rocked just a bit this afternoon. The retreat I thought I was speaking at on February 12th is actually on February 5. YES, THE DAY AFTER FEBRUARY 4TH. Thank goodness the miscommunication wasn’t my fault, and I’m still available to go. But I’m not at all prepared and praying for the biggest epidural God has on hand.

Add in a couple disappointments, a couple frustrations, and this, that and the other thing, and I just want to quit.

Quit what, you ask? Oh, I don’t know. Just quit.

I was actually thankful tonight for a sinkful of dishes so I could take a breath and ask God to please calm my heart in the midst of what (to me) feels like a lot of trials.

But then I spent 90% of the time bemoaning my pitiful existence.

Spare me.

I think I’m on the upswing, but I would love your prayers. I know it’s the only chance I’ve got to survive this weekend. And motherhood. And life.

And maybe you could share something HAPPY from your day. That would make me smile.

I was praying over your requests this morning and wondered how things were going. Any updates? Anything else you want to add? Lots more room in my prayer journal.

Love you guys!

Thank you so much for sharing your prayer requests with me. I can’t explain it, but it just feels like such an honor to know your desires and have the chance to talk to God about them. I promise it’s not because I’m super-spiritual; it’s just an absurd truth about our awesome God. Praying for others is a HUGE blessing to the one doing the praying. Craziness.

Please continue to share. I have plenty o’ room in my prayer journal, and it really takes no time at all to pray over your needs. Seriously. And if you have something really personal, feel free to e-mail me (a couple sweet gals already have).

Thanks for asking how you can pray for me. I’m actually not really sure, so I’ll just give you a peek into my heart right now, and if you want to pray for me, you can do it however you’d like.

I’ve always been a moody gal–high highs, low lows, and quite often in the same day (or half hour). The last few months I’ve started to wonder if I might suffer from depression. But then that oppressive, heavy feeling lifts and I feel okay again. Actually, honestly, the past couple days have been wonderful. After feeling discouraged and hopeless, I feel full of hope. Hmmm…

Hope is a word that has come up many, many, many times in the past little while in my life. I’m thinking of informally choosing it as my Theme for 2010. The theme for my life, my blog, my other writing. Anyway.

I think I’m hem-hawing around stating any actual prayer requests, because I don’t want to say, “Pray that God gives us more money, some book success, and a healthy family in 2010.” I love, love, love what Beth Moore prays for herself and her family–”Deliver us from everything but your glory, Lord.” And I’d love for you to pray that for us as well.

I’ve been really bad lately about letting our money situation get us down. Using our Christmas money to pay “insufficient funds fees,” calls from creditors, Gabe deciding every other day that the only responsible course of action is to leave ministry work and get a “real” job, borrowing money from my 3-year-old to put gas in the van.

But you know what? The times our financial situation is at its most dire? Those are the times that God swoops down, scoops us up, and SHOWS US HIS GLORY. And oftentimes, shows others as well.

So, you know what you can pray for me, for us? That God will deliver us from everything but His glory. If money troubles bring Him glory, bring ‘em on!

And that we will put our hope not in temporal things like financial security and book deals and positive feedback from others, but that we’ll put it in CHRIST. In his death, resurrection and the promise of spending eternity with Him on the most unfathomably incredible New Earth. That all of creation–us included–will be whole, perfect, redeemed, Shalom personified.

May I never lose sight of that hope.

Love you guys! Happy New Year!

I’d love to pray for you today. Any request, big or small, anonymous or no, a hurt that needs healed, a situation that needs fixed, a desire you’d like met. Just tell me, and I’ll take it to God for you, with you. Nothing is too silly for Him.

If nothing else, I’ll pray He draws each of us closer to Himself as we finish this year and begin the next. Love you guys!

Thanks for all the birthday wishes! I have never loved Facebook more than I love it today.

How’s my birthday going, you ask? So far, so crappy. No, really. I’m working on an optimistic attitude, looking for all the happy. Looking, looking…

I went to bed at 7:20 last night. And got up at 10:30. That is a TON of sleep. And sleep? Not generally my activity of choice when my mother-in-law has graciously offered to keep our children for 2 whole days (!).

Anyway, I missed a Delightful Costume Party I’d been looking forward to for a month. And I don’t know that I’ll be going anywhere fun today (I guess I didn’t mention what my deal is–I have some sort of sinus infection where my head and ears feel like they’re going to explode).

HOWEVER, I have something fun I’d like to do right here from the comfort of my desk chair.

I’d like to give some unborn babies the gift of a BIRTH-day this year.

I’ve mentioned several times that I would love to give away thousands of copies of my book Expecting to mamas-to-be who weren’t planning on having a baby. Mamas who are young and/or scared and/or poor and/or unmarried. Mamas who know that the easiest thing to do (maybe the only feasible thing to do) would be to have an abortion.

My hope and prayer is that a pregnant girl would see the drawings of a baby in the womb, read the descriptions and prayers, and that God would whisper to her heart, “There’s a real baby in your belly. A person. A sweet, innocent little life that I created. Please give him the chance to grow up.”

Two moms of teenage boys approached me this week. Both of their sons’ girlfriends are pregnant. I sent Expecting to one, and I’m getting ready to send it to the other. The one girl already read the entire thing (in one day) and wants to come to church with her boyfriend’s family this week.

I can’t tell you how this thrills my soul. I want so badly for God to use my writing to touch hearts, change lives, bring people to Him. I love it when He lets me witness it happening.

So, here’s the deal: in lieu of a birthday gift (because I’m sure just about all of you were contemplating getting me one), would you donate an Expecting book to a scared, hurting mama-to-be here in my hometown Columbus, Ohio? (I’m going to give them to the Pregnancy Decision Health Center to give to the women who come asking for help.)

The books cost me a little over $8 apiece, but if you just donate $5, I’ll donate a book. (and put your first name on the From line if you’d like)

And then I’d ask just one thing more. Would you commit to praying for the woman who will receive your book? I dream of saving hundreds of babies from abortion, but then the reality hits me. How are these mamas going to take care of their babies after they’re born? And how are we going to help?

It’s one thing to be against abortion. It’s another to offer a viable alternative.

I don’t have the answers, so I’m just going to start here.

If you’d like to donate an Expecting book to a pregnant woman in need, click here and donate $5. I’ll write your first name where it says From (unless you specify not to). Your gift will mean that a little baby might have a chance to be born. Have a birthday. I can’t think of a better present on my birthday.

And then don’t forget to pray for the woman who gets your book.

On November 3rd, I’ll let everyone know how many books we donated–and I’ll include a little thank-you list of the donors’ first names.

If you don’t want to do Paypal, e-mail me and I’ll give you my mailing address and you can just send a check.

I don’t think I’ll be able to get tax-deductible receipts for this, but the tax savings on five bucks probably isn’t much anyway, right?

Thanks, friends! This is turning out to be a very Happy Birthday after all!