This year Nina and I opted out of the loud noises and massive, unruly crowds, and Gabe took two cute dates to Red, White and Boom (which is where Gabe took this pic that made it into Pioneer Woman’s Photos of America line-up).

The Terrific Trio isn’t home yet, but I can tell you from Nina’s and my perspective that this arrangement worked out much better.

Here’s last year’s fiasco:

Tale of a Bratty Wife, Part 1

Tale of a Bratty Wife, Part 2

Tale of a Bratty Wife, Video Finale

Maybe 2011 will be Year of the Angel. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Happy Freedom Weekend!

p.s. We have 100% of our Cambodia support!! Praise the Lord!!

Second of all, Date Night was short but sweet. A resounding success. Pei Wei for 2 (and we tried NEW things!!), Barnes & Noble with a gift card (where I skimmed through writing books, bought 2 adorable little journals for Cambodia, and Gabe surprised me with a 2-inch x 2-inch wooden blue “M.” Be still my heart), Chick-Fil-A for free milkshakes (thanks, Amanda!), Bed Bath and Beyond for neck pillows for the million-hour flight to Cambodia, and a 5-minute tour of Target.

Click here for an iPhone pic of me with pool hair, new glasses, modeling a plate of edamame.

And yes, Nicole, Gabe earned his 20 points later on (and then some). Oh my, I’m blushing.

So MK e-mailed me the Wife part of the test today, and I read through it at the pool this afternoon (the first time I’ve gone to the pool w/o swimming–will someone please tell my children that 70 degrees is NOT swimming weather?). I’m pleased to announce that I’m a stellar wife. (I actually probably would’ve made a better wife 75 years ago than I do today. Well, okay, maybe not.)

Here’s a smattering of some of the Demerits I DID NOT earn:

Puts stockings to soak in wash basin. Insists on driving the car when husband is along. Smokes in bed or has cigarette stained fingers. Talks too long on the phone. Walks around house in stocking feet. Seams in hose often crooked. Wears red nail polish. Shoulder straps hang over arms or slip is uneven and shows. Serves too much from tin cans or the delicatessen store. Doesn’t like children. Goes to bed with curlers in her hair or too much face cream.

I’m good, huh? (Never mind that I spend too much time on the internet, walk around the house in bare feet, my toenails are painted blue, and I serve too much from the freezer/Little Caesar’s.)

Here are some Demerits I DID earn:

Slow in coming to bed–delays till husband is almost asleep (not always, but definitely sometimes). Fails to sew on buttons or darn socks regularly (darn those socks). Tells family affairs to casual acquaintances (hello, Blog World!), too talkative. Often whining and complaining. Fails to wash top of milk bottle before opening it. Wears pajamas instead of nightgown.

Merits I DID earn (hooray for me!):

Can carry on and interesting conversation. Personally puts children to bed. Encourages thrift (panties from the thrift store, anyone?). Laughs at her husband’s jokes and his clowning. Ambitious for her family (52 zoos, anyone?), urges higher attainment. Has spunk–will defend her ideals and religion. Praises marriage before young women contemplating it. Reacts with pleasure and delight to marital congress (i.e., likes to have sex).

I don’t suppose it would do a whole lot of good to ask husbands to tell me one thing they love about their wives. Most guys only venture over here when Red Rover, Red Rover, Gabe sends them right over. But it’s worth a shot. Feel free to send your own hubby right over.

If you’re a married guy, tell me one thing you love about your wife.

And girls, prayer request for you. My cousin K is serving our country in the military, and he commented this week that a lot of young married guys in his platoon could use some prayer. A lot of their marriages aren’t surviving their deployments, and it’s breaking their hearts. Breaks my heart too. Please take a moment to pray for military marriages.

One final Cambodia sale tomorrow! I’ve got some really cute things to show you! Have a great night!

p.s. Here’s the full survey for wives, the full survey for husbands, and the blog where MK found the surveys, if you’re interested.

So, we were at Life Group Sunday night, sitting around a pool, taking turns updating the group on our lives. Besides my pal Jen who’s single and Dave (whose wife was at work and is so angelic I’m sure she’s never been mean to him), the general consensus was that marital bliss had been a little hard to come by in the month of June.

This, of course, was the day after the Mini-Van Fiasco of the World. And without dragging anyone’s name in the mud without her permission, I got the most comforting e-mail from the wife-half of the couple we hung out with on Saturday. While I was trying my hardest to cover up all the evidence of my cry-fest with a baby wipe, she and her husband were also coming off of a doozy of a fight (in which she was the primary offender).

Too bad we didn’t just put it all out on the table, but maybe it was better that we just fed giraffes and watched World Cup Soccer instead of conducting a day-long marital counseling session.

Well, then I went to Bible Study/Book Club Monday night, and our book happens to be about being a good wife and mother, so there was some more discussion. And more than one friend had read my blog and thanked me for making them feel normal. And I kind of wished we could all just be nice and wonderful, so that mean isn’t the new normal.

As part of our study, we had to give a list of 7 Wifely Virtues to our husbands and ask them which one they thought we could stand to work on the most. Ha! As we all recovered from their answers, my friend MK found this fun survey written by a Dr. George W. Crane (author, lecturer, educator, doctor of medicine, psychologist) in 1936 that we could fill out about our HUSBANDS.

Dr. Crane self-titled his survey, “The Blueprint to Happiness” and basically, it’s a big chart with 100 items in 2 columns. Your husband gets “merits” for each thing he does in the positive column and “demerits” for those he does in the negative one. Some are worth 1 point, some 5, some 10, and one very special one (Ardent lover–and goes on to give a quite, ahem, vivid description of what this entails) is worth 20 smackeroos.

Here are some things  your husband might be doing to earn himself some demerits (remember, this is from 1936): Stares at or flirts with other women while out with his wife. Publicly praises bachelor days. Fails to change socks often enough. Picks teeth, nose, or sucks on teeth in public. Objects to wife’s driving auto (Gabe!). Blames wife for everything that goes wrong. Talks of efficiency of his stenographer or other women. Smokes in bed. Writes on tablecloth with pencil. Argues or curses other motorists. Will not help wife’s relatives as much as his own. Opens his wife’s mail. Boasts about his former conquests. Kisses wife just after her make-up has been applied.

Snicker, snort. Your hubby is looking pretty good, isn’t he?

How about some positives? Points for your hubby if he:

Gives wife ample allowance or turns paycheck over to her. Leaves car for wife on days she may need it. Usually comes home with a smile. Good humored in the morning. Writes often and lovingly when away from home. Willing to go shopping with wife. Attends church or urges children to attend Sunday School. A fast and efficient worker, not the puttering sort. Well liked by men, courageous, not a sissy. Eats whatever is served without grumbling or criticism. Ardent lover (ahem). Gives wife real movie kisses, not dutiful peck on the cheek. Neatly hangs up his clothes on hooks or hangers.

Gabe and I have a Date Night tonight (it’s been for-ever). I’m prayerfully thinking of ways to honor and love him while we’re out, to make him feel special (and glad he married me). I know one thing–we won’t be discussing money or what will happen to our children if we die on the way to Cambodia.

I think we could go a looooooong way in our marriages, girls, if we focused on the good in our husbands and not the negative. Goodness knows my life would stink if Gabe just dwelled on my crap.

So, tell me: What’s one thing you love about your husband?

Okay, all caught up? Now, I’m just going to admit, right off the bat, something I know some of you were wondering about. Is the radio station I was listening to the same radio station my husband now works at? Yes it is. Then why, you’re wondering, why in the world didn’t I call him and get their phone number? Well, there’s a perfectly good explanation for that.

I didn’t think of it until it was too late.

Anyway.

While I’m admitting my shortcomings, I might as well go ahead and tell you that I usually have my posts up by midnight the night before, but I wrote the post for Adding Zest a few days ago and couldn’t remember what I’d written. And since I did remember saying that the conversation was going to be continued over here, I thought I’d better brush up on what the conversation was even about. But the Zest Post didn’t go live until sometime in the middle of the night, so here I am, trying to get my children to school, my husband to work, and an enlightening blog post published.

Which would explain why, when my husband asked me 20 seconds ago something breakfast-related, I might have maybe sighed really loud in exasperation and said, “Gabe, please! Can you just figure it out on your own? I’m trying to write a blog post here!” (About being kind to husbands.)

So, here’s the admission part: I’m really good at honoring my husband in public, around others. To my knowledge, it’s been awhile since I’ve bashed him to my girlfriends or on the radio or anything.

However, where I need the work is in my own home, to his face. Especially when I’m tired or grouchy or stressed. I take it out on him. And I let every little thing bother me. And I express my displeasure with eye rolls and deep sighs and sarcasm.

So, when I say I’m disgusted with Husband-Bashers? Maybe I should look at the plank in my own eye first.

So, am I the only one who struggles with being kind to my deserves-better husband? What can we do about this, girls?

So, I’m reading a friend’s latest blog post. (I’m going to try my best not to give away her identity, but to appreciate the story fully, I’ll have to disclose a few details.) This particular friend has a blog on Xanga, where Gabe and I used to live blog. I still check Xanga pretty much every day/every other day to see what my Xangals are up to. So, tonight I signed in and saw that several of my friends had new posts.

I clicked on a certain lovely friend’s Mother’s Day post and read a delightful account of the cards and gifts her sweet children had made for her, including a picture her preschool son had drawn of his mama dancing. I was all ready to make a general (and innocent) comment on the post when I noticed a comment another friend had written–”I love that you dance naked. According to the picture, that is.”

I looked back at the picture the Little Guy had drawn of his mama. Maybe he’d dressed her in flesh-colored clothing, or maybe she really was naked. Hmmm…

I couldn’t help but wonder since I know this certain secret about this certain friend. You know what. I’m just going to tell that story too. Hold on a second. I know I blogged about it before. I’ll just search for it using the words “flashed” and “window.”

Yep, there it is. January 31, 2009.

I’m reminded of a story my dear friend K told me right after she’d read Is That All He Thinks About? She was in the kitchen making dinner, and her hubby (a pastor) was in the backyard. She went up to their big picture window, caught his eye, and in her very pregnant state, pulled up her shirt and flashed him a little full-frontal nudity. She expected googly eyes, a grin, a wink. Instead, she got a horrified look and hubby furiously shaking his head “no!” She pulled her shirt down, tears pooling in her eyes, and thought, “Am I so huge and disgusting that he can’t bear the sight of me?” She was crushed. Two seconds later, her hands still holding on to her shirt, a young couple from their church popped in front of the window and waved.

Oh, I love that story every single time I read it!

Okay, so back to my friend’s Mother’s Day post. And now you know her name starts with K. Oops. So, a witty comment pops into my head, and away I type:

I happen to know that you DO dance naked sometimes. Or at least flash your neighbors through your picture window. Love you. Love your kiddos. And you ARE beautiful.

I press submit without a second thought, and my comment pops up on my screen under her post. Then what to my horrified eyes doth appear? MY HUSBAND’S AVATAR! Oh, yes. I had inadvertently logged in as my husband (because minutes before I had checked our bank statement which is under his name, so I was used to typing it).

I re-read my comment as if my husband had written it, and wow. The naked and the flashing and the I love you and the beautiful. Of all the comments that I leave all over Blog Land, that’s the last one I want my husband’s name and face attached to. I logged out as him and logged in as me, cracking up all the while. I left a comment as me clarifying that the other comment was actually me too, but then I couldn’t leave it, because how awful! So I deleted it and then re-wrote it as me.

Anyway. I have to laugh because I was just poking fun at another friend this week who wrote on another friend’s facebook wall, “You’re awesome and I LOVE YOU!” and then realized her husband was still signed in.

And I just realized something funny. My Flasher Friend? And the two Facebook Friends? All have the same name. Is that wild or what?

Speaking of wild and sexy and flashing, I’m guest posting today and tomorrow over at the Adding Zest to Your Nest Blog. You should probably pop on over. It’s a great resource for married gals who want to honor God with their marriages and have some fun in the process.

Happy May 11th, Everyone!

Well, I should say that’s the PLAN. It’s 10pm on Thursday night as I write this, and a Winter Storm Warning has been issued starting at 4am. (I’m supposed to leave at 8am.) If Courtney and I decide we’re too scared, Gabe the Babe will swoop in with his Cape of Fearlessness and drive me/us/the whole fam to Ohio’s Nemesis/Neighbor State.

I’m all about being flexible at this stage of the game.

Okay, here’s the deal. I loved, loved, LOVED your answers to “What Do You Call Your In-Laws?” Would you mind answering a couple more? No? Sweet! I’ve got a fun idea brewing in my brain…

You can pick one or answer both.

1. What is one thing your spouse’s family does that makes absolutely no sense to you?

2. What is one thing your family does that makes absolutely no sense to your spouse?

Feel free to sign in under a code name for this one!

Have an awesome weekend!

Fun verse, huh. So, maybe that wasn’t the intent of the original Hebrew. I don’t think God minds.

I had the BEST time tonight. I spoke to the super-cool, way-awesome MOPS group of First Baptist Church in Kettering, OH, and they blew me away. So sweet, so kind, so fun. They just really made me feel all loved and cozy. THANK YOU, girls. What a great night!!

And I can’t wait for you to start leaving comments about getting your homework done! Who’s going to be first??

I got to see Beth and Gwen–two gals I met at church camp when we were in high school. And Holly, a gal who has heard The Sex Talk before at another MOPS group and came to hear it again. Ha! I love it!

I’m so thankful that God has given me such neat opportunities to do what I love and bring Him glory at the same time. Praying He touched your hearts, ladies! And I prayed through your requests and will again. Thanks for sharing them with me.

In other news, I have more Expecting books signed and ready to send! Woohoo! If you’d like to sponsor the shipping costs for either a box of 16 ($11) or an envelope of 5 ($4), please let me know! I need 3 sponsors at $11 and 4 at $4. EDIT (4:30pm): We’re all set! THANK YOU!

If you’re new here and aren’t sure what I’m talking about, check out this post.

Some of you asked if I’m accepting donations for more books. Not yet. I need to get the difference made up (between the $5 donated and the $8.25 cost of the book) first. Does that make sense? I’m hoping in a few weeks!

Short and sweet today! Speaking of short, I’d love to know how tall you are. I’ll start. I used to think I was 5’10″, but I think I’ve shrunk to 5’9″.

How about you? How short are you?

Wife has just returned from hugging the toilet bowl. She settles into bed for a 10-minute respite before her bed-mate, a feverish 3-year-old girl, needs the blue plastic bowl once again.

She glances at the alarm clock on the dresser. It’s after midnight.

“Gabe?” she calls weakly to her husband trying to sleep next door in the 3-year-old’s bed.

“Yeah?”

“Happy Anniversary.”

“You too. I love you.”

“Love you.”

The past 12 years have produced some of the most beautiful (and some of the most awful) moments of my life. And I wouldn’t change a single minute.

I love my husband. I’m the luckiest girl alive.

p.s. Those pics were taken a year ago. Let’s just pretend we’re feeling that robust right now.

We talked about the fact that if you’re dating a guy with some negative characteristics, they’re not going to go away when you get married. They’ll be magnified. DO NOT MARRY A JERK.

We decided that if you’re spending much of your day at school crying over something your boyfriend said or did (this was me my senior year), this might be a warning sign: Move On.

You fight a lot now? It’s going to get worse. Your value systems don’t mesh now? It’s going to get worse.

Got it?

We talked about modesty–what you’re wearing and why you’re wearing it. (I shared a couple excerpts from this book .) Are you trying to fill a void in your life? Do you feel insignificant and want to be noticed?

The guys who are ogling your low-cut this and your high-cut that and your super-tight whatchamajig are the same ones who are gawking at every other girl like that–and going home and looking for more girls dressed like that (but worse) on the internet.

You don’t want to attract this type of guy. The type of guy you do want to attract (and marry) is going to be intentionally looking the other way when he sees you coming.

We talked about what author Mark Atteberry calls “the other B word.”

A short distance north of your breasts is your brain (the other B word)… It’s not pretty to look at. They don’t make lingerie for it… But make no mistake: your brain greatly influences how attractive you are to the man worth having… The guys worth having in this world are fascinated by and drawn to brainy women... Here’s the sobering truth: your body will attract a guy, but it won’t keep him very long. For one thing, there are too many other great bodies out there… Face it. A good guy falls for and sticks with a woman who has some depth. There’s nothing he loves more than to be attracted to a woman he thinks is beautiful, only to discover there’s more to her than he could see.

Then we jumped to respect. This is a big one.

Disrespect for men runs rampant in our culture. Sitcoms. Commercials. They’re all poking fun at the idiot guy. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. His wife laughs at him and rolls her eyes. In the words of Brian Regan, he has a “small husband brain.”

Satan’s all about women disrespecting men. It fits nicely into his plan.

Girls, it’s time we started respecting guys–whether or not they deserve it (the Bible says to show respect to everyone).

We talked about sexual purity. I read a little excerpt from this book (bits and pieces from p. 187-191 if you have the book) and talked about drawing lines and dangling over them. I told them that my humble opinion (hindsight is 20/20) is that if you wouldn’t do it (whatever “it” is) with your dad in the room, you shouldn’t do it. Period.

We like to think we have freedom to do whatever we want. But when we draw lines and can’t stop, that’s not freedom. We’re enslaved to sin.

And yes, I realize that if you’re not a believer in Christ, then this is all a bunch of bunk to you. Makes sense. But a majority of the folks I was talking to have a relationship with Christ and are genuinely seeking to honor Him in their relationship with the opposite sex.

I told them how I talk to and get e-mails from women all the time–women who are suffering the consequences of premarital sex. No exceptions, they say, “it wasn’t worth it.”

There is freedom and forgiveness in Christ. Absolutely. But it doesn’t make the consequences magically disappear.

We talked about selfishness.

We like to think that the guys are the selfish ones. They’re the ones who sit around and play video games all day and expect women to serve them. And get turned on by people they’re not married to. Hmph.

I’m actually the selfish one in my marriage. And a lot of other women are too. I once had a woman say to me, “I didn’t get married just to spend my days making some guy happy.”

Didn’t take long to realize she’d gotten married so some poor guy could spend his days making her happy.

God created us to find true, lasting joy only when we’re giving of our selves to others.

Matthew 10:39 (msg)–If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me (Jesus talking).

And that’s it in an 800-word nutshell.

And the winner of the $10 gift card of her choice is… KRISCO! Congratulations, friend! (No, her mother didn’t not actually name her after shortening. She does have a real name, but apparently it’s top secret.) Krisco, tell me what you’ve won!

Have a great day!