I’ll warn you. I’m tired, I’m emotional, and I’ve already cried once tonight because of you. I’m also super hesitant to take something as sacred as what happened this weekend and risk cheapening it by trying to put it into words. But I promised you a post, so I’d better follow through.

Ladies, can I say a word to you first? For starters, you girls rocked my world Thursday night. Do you have any idea how encouraging and affirming all your laughs and head-nods and questions and comments were to me? I’ve given that sex talk a lot a lot a lot of times, but I don’t know that I’ve EVER been so overwhelmed by a group’s enthusiastic response. THANK YOU for letting me be so honest and for loving me for who I am.

And girls? You know how you promised to pray for me as I spoke to your husbands? Because of YOU, God showed up and filled me with his Spirit and poured out his power and love and grace all over me and over your precious husbands. And I do mean precious. And while I’m sure that’s the last word they’d want me to use to describe them, it fits.

Wives, oh how I wish you could’ve been there. I wish each of you could’ve experienced just for 15 minutes what I got to be a part of this weekend. Your husbands love you, friends. And they desperately want to know and love you better. Some of them are having a really tough time being the husbands they know they need to be, but they want it so badly. And they left the camp this afternoon with renewed determination to be the husband you’ve always dreamed of having.

Thank you, friends, for trusting me with your men. They treated me with kindness and respect and encouraged me over and over and over again with their willingness to be candid and vulnerable about their struggles and weaknesses. And I learned a lot about so many of YOU, because your husbands like to talk about you. In the very best, edifying and uplifting kind of way.

THANK YOU.

Your turn, guys. Wow. What can I even say? My stomach gets all twisted up in knots every time I think about what God did this weekend. I feel so humbled and honored that it almost hurts. I’m hoping you already know this, but anything good or helpful that came out of my mouth was ALL GOD and anything not-so-great? I take all the blame.

In all honesty, I’m not really sure who that girl was that got up in front of all 170 of you and talked about sex and stuff four different times for an hour. And like I told you, it had nothing to do with being brave. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength, and he filled me up good. Praise him.

You will never know how you touched my heart with your hearts for God and your deep love for your wives and your willingness to admit that you need help when it comes to loving them like Christ loves the church. And you were such perfect gentlemen and so, so kind to let me intrude on your man space. The fact that my tough, strong husband got choked up when he tried to thank you speaks volumes to your awesomeness.

It’s going to take us awhile to get over you guys. You made God and Minnesota proud.

I could write for another hour, but it’s probably a miracle that you’ve even made it this far, so I’ll close with this:

Father God, I ask you tonight to bless the men and women of New Hope Church. I can never hope to repay them for the blessings they gushed all over me and Gabe this weekend, so will you do it? Will you bless them with strength and wisdom and patience and courage and the kind of love for their husbands and wives that can only come from you? Thank you, thank you, thank you, Jesus! I love you. Amen.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
Marla (for Gabe)

p.s. Here are some Discussion Starters (aka, Mandatory Homework) for you to chat about as a couple (pick one, two, all, add your own…):

1. What is one thing I do that makes you feel loved?
2. What is something I’ve done that was hurtful to you?
3. What was your biggest take-away from your weekend (or Thursday night)?
4. What is one way you think we could grow closer to God as a couple?
5. What do you think your primary love language is? What do you think mine is?
6. Why are the Vikings so terrible?
7. What 3 things do you love most about me?
8. What’s one thing I could do to show you I’m dead serious about loving you well?
9. How many pairs of underwear should I take to the cabin next weekend?
10. Can we pray together?

1.) Write the Husbands’ Sex Book as an e-book for sure and for certain.

2.) Churn it out as quickly as I can.

3.) Spread the word about it to the best of my ability.

4.) Ask/plead/beg all of you for your help and prayers.

Details tomorrow. Today is Write-As-Furiously-As-I-Can Day.

I. Am. So. Excited.

Deep breath. And dive.

So I’m writing another book about sex. And this one’s for the husbands. I’m going to tell you what I originally envisioned and explain what’s putting a kink in those plans.

I like funny. And I’m semi-gifted at making people laugh. My humor is a large part of what sells my books, brings people to my blog, and motivates people to invite me to speaking engagements. I’m sure I’d still be fairly likable without it, but it would really change the core of who I am.

There are a lot of books out there about sex. Is That All He Thinks About? is just one of them. What “sets mine apart,” if you will, is the humor (and perhaps my transparency). And I wanted that same thing for the Guys’ Book. Funny, light-hearted, candid, poking a little fun at both sexes, using humor in a sneaky way to convict husbands to love their wives a little better than they’re doing now.

And then I conducted a Husband Survey. And asked a question about porn. Specifically, “What is your relationship with pornography, and how has this affected your marriage?”

And the floodgates opened.

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that the Survey-Takers were in no way whatsoever an accurate cross-section of American Husbands. For one thing, they’re probably mostly Christians (or at least married to one). For another, any guy who takes 5-10 minutes to fill out a survey like that is pretty swell (or is at least trying to appease his nagging wife).

And still. STILL. 42% of the 125 guys who took the survey said they either a.) view porn occasionally (26%), b.) are working with their wife and/or others to overcome an addiction (10%), or c.) are addicted to porn right now (7%).

An additional 40% viewed it in the past (10 of those 50 guys said they were addicted).

Only 18 of 125 guys said, “I don’t mess with it (and never really have).”

And while a couple guys’ responses made my blood boil, for the most part, I could hear a lot of discouragement and hurt and a longing to be free in their words. And in many cases, the hope shone through. Hope for recovery and restoration and beautiful intimacy with their wives.

Nearly all of the men recognized that porn has a negative effect on their marriages, and they were very good at pinpointing what those effects are.

For a little while there, I was feeling really good about the section of my book that deals with porn. Where I had originally laid the smack down with very little mercy, I felt a nudge to shower my words with more grace, to put myself in the shoes of some of these really good guys who were in the middle of a struggle they desperately wished was not a part of their lives.

And then.

E-mails and facebook messages started coming in from women whose marriages (or friends’ marriages) have been devastated by porn. A couple of them specifically asked me if I was going to go easy on guys or if I had any idea that some men out there are arrogant and prideful and refuse to admit that they’ve destroyed their families’ lives.

Man.

Here’s the thing.  There are lots and lots of books out there specifically for men and sexual addiction. I have no desire (or the knowledge/experience) to reinvent that wheel.

And here’s another thing. I learned this with Is That All? I can’t write a book that will appeal/apply to everyone. I had women ask me why I didn’t write more about what happens to your sex life as you age. And women who were angry that I suggested making love to your husband happily (“You have no idea how bad my husband has hurt me!”).

I can’t write a book that’s going to work for all husbands either.

So here’s the one I’m going for:

A good guy who loves his wife and wants an intimate relationship with her. He struggles with lust, sure, but he wants his wife to be enough for him, and he reeeeally wants her to want him in bed. He loves Jesus (or if he doesn’t, he’s got him on his radar) and wants to live a life pleasing to God. He’s often discouraged and frustrated by his wife’s lack of desire for sex, and he wishes she knew how much her rejection hurts him. He’s willing to go the extra mile to make their sex life better. He just needs someone to tell him what that entails. And preferably using short paragraphs and small words. And possibly pictures.

But I really, really don’t want to make light of something that has hurt so many women (and men) so deeply. And I don’t want to write with such a happy-go-lucky tone that completely ignores the complicated, complex issues that plague so many marriages.

Maybe I’m just asking for permission to write a funny (and God-honoring) book about sex without any dear soul getting her feelings hurt.

I would really love your prayers for wisdom and insight. I’ve had some really amazing discussions with some of you (in real life and online), and Gabe and I have talked more about it in the past week than we have our whole marriage.

And if you have another take on this thing (or something that really concerns you), please feel free to leave a comment (or e-mail me if it’s private).

Thank you. For real. Thank you.

And an extra thank you to Shaun Groves, Gary Thomas, Richard Westley Johnson, and Gabe Taviano for spreading the word about it (your names were all answers to Question #11–How did you find out about this survey?). Thank you, my brothers (and awesome husband).

My apologies if you came here to read about homeschooling. That discussion’s not over by any stretch. I just have a hard time sticking to one topic for more than three minutes at a time. Who knows–tomorrow I may talk about gardening (seriously).

Anyway. Back to husbands and sex. I think I mentioned that the survey answers are amazing. And that I’ve got my work cut out for me. We’ve got some hard stuff to work through–and some really fun stuff too.

As a thank-you to the wives who “gently nudged” their husbands to fill out a survey, here’s a smattering of the guys’ answers to Question #10:

What do you love most about your wife?

She has a great sense of humor and is one of the smartest people I know.

She understands who I am and loves me despite it.

Her eyes–they vary in green color and are quite striking.

Her heart to serve people.

Her skin, her smile, her body shape, her neck… (I could go on, but I won’t see my wife until late tonight after a long day at work. Ya dig?)

She is my best friend.

Her body.

That she’s smart–even when it doesn’t bode well for me.

The unconditional love she has shown me. She is faithful and always will be.

Her quirks, her loyalty, her sacrifice, her appearance. To me, she’s the perfect balance of everything.

When she laughs and is happy.

That her strengths line up with my weaknesses.

We’re the same kind of crazy.

She loves God and is resilient.

Her innocence and playfulness.

She makes me want to be a better man–not by telling me to be so, but by believing in me and what I could be.

She has a joy that is contagious.

That she loves me and puts up with me and wants to be married to me forever, even when I disappoint her. Who does that?

Kudos to you, wives! Your men love you–and for a million and one kinds of reasons. More good stuff to come! As a thank-you to both you and your hubbies, let’s do a little give-away.

I have THREE copies of Is That All He Thinks About? to give away to the wife of any guy who filled out the Husband Survey (and you can still fill it out if you haven’t already). Just leave a comment on this post saying either:

1. I’m a married dude and filled out the survey.

OR

2. I’m the wife of a dude who filled out the survey.

And if you both want to leave a comment, you’ll be entered twice. How’s that for fun? (U.S. addresses only. I’ll draw the winners randomly on Wednesday, May 25.)

You can read the first chapter of Is That All He Thinks About? here. I’ll keep you updated on my progress on the Guys’ Book. And if you’d like to pray for me as I write? That would be AWESOME.

Have a great week!

Men don’t read. (okay, most men don’t read)

But then I got a bunch of e-mails from men specifically requesting a guys’ version of the book.

So I’m writing my first comic book. (not really)

I just have a strong desire to help bridge the disconnect between husbands and wives and our view on sex (and how that plays out in our marriages).

A couple months ago I started writing to see what I could come up with. Then I got really excited about it. Then I wrote a whole bunch. Then I hit a wall. Then I decided that what the book really needed was some input from the husbands themselves (concept, huh?).

Hence this survey.

As of 9:03 a.m. Friday, 63 guys have filled it out and sent it to me anonymously. And they’re BLOWING ME AWAY. Out of 63, I’d say maybe 2-3 have been completely unhelpful. And some have just been flat-out amazing. Some are heart-breaking. And nearly all of them have been honest and thoughtful.

Women, I know this is a random sampling of 63 guys, and I know that any guy who takes the time to fill out a survey is already kind of special, but hear me on this. Your husbands genuinely love you and want to please you and are willing to make sacrifices to make this happen.

This little project will most likely become an e-book that you can buy online and read from your computer/Kindle/phone. It might possibly be a book you can hold in your hands with actual pages. We’ll see. (While you’re waiting, go ahead and read the Wife’s Book. Enlightening, I tell you.)

Guys, I really, really, really appreciate your help. If you could pass this on to your friends, that would be awesome. The more the merrier.

Married men–click here to take the survey (10 questions, easy answers, painless, anonymous, maybe even fun). Thanks!

Anyway.

I distinctly remember the first interaction I had with Deborah. I was at a She Speaks conference in North Carolina with Gabe (well, he drove me to the conference and then made himself scarce at various NASCAR tracks and shops). This conference is where I met Sophie for the first (and only–boo!) time and Melanie (sort of, we didn’t really “meet”) for the first of three times.

Anyway. Deborah.

Gabe and I were in the hotel room, and I got all excited because a gal named Deborah had e-mailed me about ordering multiple copies of my books. I had just asked God to provide for our financial needs, and I saw this as part of his answer. I can’t remember the details perfectly, but I do know that Deborah told me she was single and was buying the books for a bunch of her married or soon-to-be-hitched friends.

Awhile later, she sent me an e-mail and said something to the effect of, “I read your Blushing Bride book and for the first time in my life, I feel perfectly content being single. Thank you for painting such a realistic picture of marriage. So many times, those of us who aren’t married imagine that marriage is nothing but amazing and dreamy and romantic. Thanks for showing me that’s not really true.”

In other words, thanks for bursting my bubble and scaring me from EVER EVER EVER getting married. Is it really going to be that AWFUL?!? Oh, the horror! (no, I’m sure she didn’t mean it like that).

Over the next three years, Deborah became such a huge encouragement to me in so many ways. For one thing, she kept on buying more and more books. The girl has a million friends. But more importantly, she would pray for me, ask me how I was doing, send little messages that blessed me like crazy.

And this past weekend? I got to meet Deborah in real life when I spoke at her church’s Women’s Retreat. (Please ignore my hair. I put it in a ponytail for my last speaking session, but when we took the pic the first time it looked like I was bald, so I took it out. Nice.)

She was even more wonderful and beautiful and awesome in person. I kid you not. This woman is a treasure. I didn’t get to talk to her before I started speaking (she and her friends were just the teensiest bit late), so I met her for the first time after I’d already gotten up in front of everyone. I paused for a big hug, and it was fabulous. We got to chat at the end, and she walked me out to my van.

After one of the sessions, a gal came up to me and introduced herself as Sharon, Deborah’s friend. “Deborah gave me your Changing the World One Diaper at a Time book before I got pregnant with my first,” she said. She now had two boys, ages 2 and baby. “I’ll be honest,” she said, “when Deborah asked me if I liked the book I told her that, actually, I thought it was kind of depressing.”

I grinned.

“I mean, I still wanted to have kids and everything, but… Maybe I should read it again now that I’m a mom. I’d probably like it a lot more.”

I told her that I understood. My Blushing book had scared Deborah away from marriage. My Diapers book scares not-yet-moms into using birth control. Deborah came over then and we all had a good laugh about it.

If you’ve read the books as a wife or mom, you probably “got” them. And you probably weren’t depressed so much as relieved that you weren’t the only one having a little bit of a rough time being married or having a baby.

But put yourself in a single gal’s shoes. Or someone who doesn’t have kids yet. A realistic picture of marriage and motherhood can be a frightening thing. That’s kind of why we don’t tell brides-to-be and expectant mamas the whole truth. We want them to actually tie the knot and bear young. Or more truthfully, we want them to suffer like we’ve suffered (kidding!).

I hope you know that I absolutely love being a wife and mama more than I could ever say. And I can’t thank God enough for blessing me with Gabe and my girlies, who make my “job” so much sweeter. They rock my world.

But I’m still gonna be real, even if it turns people off. So, I guess I should be marketing my book to my single friends. “Hey! You think you want a husband? Read this, why don’tcha?”

Have a great weekend, friends! Whatever stage of life you’re in, embrace it as best you can. I don’t mean you should settle. Just determine to be content, but take lots of big, scary, fun leaps of faith too. You won’t regret it.

Scrabble magnets. That spell “TONIGHT.”

Here’s the deal. I was praying about a talk I was two hours away from giving at a local MOPS group on s-e-x. And every time I do this particular talk (and I’ve lost count, but 30? 40? who knows?), I give “homework.” They have to (well, it’s optional) write down one thing they’re going to do tonight, tomorrow, or within the week to improve intimacy with their husbands.

And I thought, “Wouldn’t it be cool if they had a little code thing going on with hubby? Like he wakes up in the morning, starts to open up the fridge for some milk, and sees T-O-N-I-G-H-T (that his wife discreetly put there the night before or earlier that a.m.) and instantly turns giddy just thinking about what’s going to happen 12 hours from now?”

So, I made six sets of magnets and decided to sell them for $1 (for the whole set). I thought if I set the price too high, no one would want them, and the whole point is to get women EXCITED ABOUT THEIR MARRIAGE BED.

Well. They went like HOTCAKES, and everyone was sad I didn’t have more.

And the s-e-x talk? Was every speaker’s dream. The gals were sweet and kind and laughed in all the right places. And laughed hard. And talked to me afterward about how God used my words to speak to their hearts. And I loved them. Thank you, Heritage MOPS. You rock.

People ask me if I have that talk recorded so they can listen to it. And the answer is no. It’s hard to explain, but it’s a very, very personal talk (that I just happen to be giving to 20-250 of my “closest” friends”). It’s for girls only, and besides, I just really don’t want it “out there” for anyone to listen to. I would love to come share with your group, but there will never be a CD or MP3.

I do have something for you though. If you want to join my new MOPS friends in working toward a more intimate relationship with your hubby, I have 3 more sets of T-O-N-I-G-H-T. I jacked up the price though–$3 + $2 shipping = $5. (all proceeds to Cambodia Fund) First 3 gals to e-mail me get the goods.

And because I’m dangerously low on the letter N and the letter H but have plenty of Y and E and S, I also have 6 sets of “Y-E-S” for sale for $1 + $2 shipping = $3. E-mail me. And YES is just a shorter way of saying TONIGHT. And NO, you should not use the N-O from your TONIGHT for the nights it’s not going to happen.

Anyway.

If you can think of a different word that means the same thing (and won’t make me blush), let me know.

And while we’re on the topic, I’ve told some of you and hinted at it on Facebook and Twitter (and maybe talked about it here a smidge?), but I’m working on a book similar to Is That All He Thinks About? but for G-U-Y-S. I’ve had lots of people (lots of them men) ask me if I was ever going to write a husband’s version of the book, and my thought was always, “Uh, guys don’t really read books, do they?”

But maybe they do. At any rate, I’m going to give it a whirl. Because 1.) I think it could be really, really cool (and helpful!). and 2.) I’ve got a mission trip to go on.

Questions for you:

1. If you’re married, does your husband ever read books?

2. Would he read a book about THAT?

p.s. Please keep praying for Joanne. They took her off the meds that were keeping her in a coma, and once they’re out of her system, the prayer is that she’ll wake up. Lots of potential bad news, but ONE VERY GOOD GOD.

I love you, Mom and Dad!

p.s. And I’m chuckling to myself right now, because Dad reads my blog posts from work (Honda Engineering North America–Marysville, OH), but his computer blocks photos, so all he’s going to see is a big white space up there. You’re kissing Mom through a brick wall, Dad. It’s super cute.

Feel free to leave anniversary wishes for the sappy couple!

This year Nina and I opted out of the loud noises and massive, unruly crowds, and Gabe took two cute dates to Red, White and Boom (which is where Gabe took this pic that made it into Pioneer Woman’s Photos of America line-up).

The Terrific Trio isn’t home yet, but I can tell you from Nina’s and my perspective that this arrangement worked out much better.

Here’s last year’s fiasco:

Tale of a Bratty Wife, Part 1

Tale of a Bratty Wife, Part 2

Tale of a Bratty Wife, Video Finale

Maybe 2011 will be Year of the Angel. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Happy Freedom Weekend!

p.s. We have 100% of our Cambodia support!! Praise the Lord!!

Second of all, Date Night was short but sweet. A resounding success. Pei Wei for 2 (and we tried NEW things!!), Barnes & Noble with a gift card (where I skimmed through writing books, bought 2 adorable little journals for Cambodia, and Gabe surprised me with a 2-inch x 2-inch wooden blue “M.” Be still my heart), Chick-Fil-A for free milkshakes (thanks, Amanda!), Bed Bath and Beyond for neck pillows for the million-hour flight to Cambodia, and a 5-minute tour of Target.

Click here for an iPhone pic of me with pool hair, new glasses, modeling a plate of edamame.

And yes, Nicole, Gabe earned his 20 points later on (and then some). Oh my, I’m blushing.

So MK e-mailed me the Wife part of the test today, and I read through it at the pool this afternoon (the first time I’ve gone to the pool w/o swimming–will someone please tell my children that 70 degrees is NOT swimming weather?). I’m pleased to announce that I’m a stellar wife. (I actually probably would’ve made a better wife 75 years ago than I do today. Well, okay, maybe not.)

Here’s a smattering of some of the Demerits I DID NOT earn:

Puts stockings to soak in wash basin. Insists on driving the car when husband is along. Smokes in bed or has cigarette stained fingers. Talks too long on the phone. Walks around house in stocking feet. Seams in hose often crooked. Wears red nail polish. Shoulder straps hang over arms or slip is uneven and shows. Serves too much from tin cans or the delicatessen store. Doesn’t like children. Goes to bed with curlers in her hair or too much face cream.

I’m good, huh? (Never mind that I spend too much time on the internet, walk around the house in bare feet, my toenails are painted blue, and I serve too much from the freezer/Little Caesar’s.)

Here are some Demerits I DID earn:

Slow in coming to bed–delays till husband is almost asleep (not always, but definitely sometimes). Fails to sew on buttons or darn socks regularly (darn those socks). Tells family affairs to casual acquaintances (hello, Blog World!), too talkative. Often whining and complaining. Fails to wash top of milk bottle before opening it. Wears pajamas instead of nightgown.

Merits I DID earn (hooray for me!):

Can carry on and interesting conversation. Personally puts children to bed. Encourages thrift (panties from the thrift store, anyone?). Laughs at her husband’s jokes and his clowning. Ambitious for her family (52 zoos, anyone?), urges higher attainment. Has spunk–will defend her ideals and religion. Praises marriage before young women contemplating it. Reacts with pleasure and delight to marital congress (i.e., likes to have sex).

I don’t suppose it would do a whole lot of good to ask husbands to tell me one thing they love about their wives. Most guys only venture over here when Red Rover, Red Rover, Gabe sends them right over. But it’s worth a shot. Feel free to send your own hubby right over.

If you’re a married guy, tell me one thing you love about your wife.

And girls, prayer request for you. My cousin K is serving our country in the military, and he commented this week that a lot of young married guys in his platoon could use some prayer. A lot of their marriages aren’t surviving their deployments, and it’s breaking their hearts. Breaks my heart too. Please take a moment to pray for military marriages.

One final Cambodia sale tomorrow! I’ve got some really cute things to show you! Have a great night!

p.s. Here’s the full survey for wives, the full survey for husbands, and the blog where MK found the surveys, if you’re interested.