I used to do this thing called Swirly Saturday. Just a bunch of jumbled-up thoughts from my brain spewed out in a weekend blog post. And tonight is a night of swirl.

~~Gabe and I went to a screening of a human trafficking documentary tonight on the Ohio State campus. Wow. Words are going to have to come later. Still processing. Here’s the trailer.

~~I took a load of junk to the thrift store today. HOW?? Gabe might be on to something with that never-ending-tunnel-of-purging fear of his.

~~The girls and I had so much fun shopping for the kiddos in Cambodia this afternoon. This is the only kind of shopping I love.

~~There are some things we’d like to take over there, and we’d love your help in purchasing them. Details soon.

~~Is That All He Thinks About? went to another printing. Not huge news but it’s big to someone who’s had two books go out of print.

~~My left eye has been red for a couple of days. Would love your prayers that it’s something simple that will go away soon and not some sort of contagious infection.

~~The Cardinals just won the World Series if anyone cares. I don’t particularly.

~~43 days until Cambodia. Oh. My. Word.

~~Just bought 5 plane tickets today from Cambodia to Thailand and back. Unreal.

~~Tonight I’m feeling grateful, overwhelmed, and hungry. How are you feeling?

No school Thursday & Friday (parent/teacher conferences). We spent the day at my sister Bethany’s, playing Giant Jenga (another one of my brother-in-law Stewart’s creations, and oh my word, fun!), watching Ramona and Beezus, dressing up like princesses (Isabelle’s idea and bless my older two tomboys for humoring her), cuddling baby Jack, eating delicious food, and chatting about loving the poor and changing the world.

Can’t think of a warmer, fuzzier day.

I’m brainstorming some fun things to do on Monday for our last purging day (and my b-day), and I owe some lucky commenters some books, so I’ll get to that soon.

Enjoy your weekend!

Today’s Question: What do you do when you’re ready to take the purging plunge and your husband either a.) doesn’t get it or b.) is vehemently opposed to you getting rid of anything?

Eek! This is such a tough one.

For starters, let me say that I’m passionate about marriages. I so want all of my friends and family members (and people I don’t even know) to be one-half of a happy, committed couple. I want to see husbands and wives loving each other, loving God, loving and serving others together, and living in unity.

And just about every day I hear from someone (mostly women) whose reality is far from this.

What does all of that have to do with purging? I’m not sure, but I think I’m trying to say that no amount of purging is worth ruining your marriage over. And differences in purging philosophies may (but not always) indicate some other things you need to work on first. In other words, some conditions need to be right before purging is even an option.

1. Your husband needs to feel respected, loved, and confident that you’re enthusiastic about meeting his basic needs (sex, among other things).

2. You need to have a deeper reason for purging, and it has to be a reason you’re both on board with.

Let’s unpack #1. I’ve had the opportunity to hear from lots of husbands about what they want and need from their wives. And many of them feel like they already have to compete with their children and God and a ton of other ministries and projects for their wife’s attention. Purging the house might just seem like one more thing that’s going to take up your time and leave him high and dry.

Bottom line: A husband with a full love tank will most likely be more open to purging.

And #2? It certainly helps if you and your husband are both believers. If your reasons for purging involve freeing up time and money to give to the poor and share the gospel, an unbelieving husband probably isn’t going to see eye to eye with you. But faith in Christ isn’t a prerequisite for getting rid of junk and curbing materialism.

I just “interviewed” Gabe five minutes ago during halftime of the Dallas/NY soccer game. Very enlightening. Like I shared at the men’s retreat I spoke at a few weeks ago, this year has been a breakthrough one in terms of how much Gabe knows me, like inside-and-out knows me. It’s freaky really.

Me: How do you honestly feel about my purging?

Gabe: I’m fine with it for the most part, but I do wonder if there’s any end in sight. I feel like we’re in this cave and might never get out.

Me: Awesome. What would you say are my biggest reasons for purging? Why do I do it?

Gabe: For one, you’re easily overwhelmed. You need to have less stuff around you so you can function.

Me: Yes.

Gabe: And you eventually want to live overseas, so you want to get rid of all you can, and when it’s time to go, you’ll be ready. All you’ll have to sell is the house. And maybe give a couple things away.

Me: (stunned. speechless.)

Gabe: Am I right? I know I’m right. You’ve got this silly grin on your face like I just discovered your biggest secret. You’re up to something, you have a…what’s it called… an ulterior motive.

Me: (grinning. blushing)

Gabe: It helps to have an ulterior motive if you’re going to be a purger. You need a reason to do it.

Me: (changing the subject) So, any words of warning or wisdom?

Gabe: You have to know that what you’re doing lines up with what God is telling you.

Me: Is there anything I’ve purged that you miss? Or do you ever wish there were things we had that we don’t have?

Gabe: Not really. I don’t think I miss anything. Although I wouldn’t mind having a better television…

Not sure if that conversation was helpful or not, but it is what it is.

So, here’s my advice:

1. Work on your marriage relationship first. Meet your husband’s needs (and “needs”).

2. Pray that God will work in your husband’s heart. If you’re passionate (for whatever reason) about simplifying your home and life, ask God to nudge your husband in the same direction. Ask God to change your heart if need be.

3. List your reasons for purging and your goals for your family’s future. Think of specific ways this will be beneficial to your husband. Share them as you feel led (and after much prayer). Ask him for his input. Respect it.

4. Purge your own stuff and don’t pester him about his. Leave the hotspots (3-foot stuffed ladybug he gave you while you were dating) alone for now. This kind of fight isn’t worth it.

5. Show him through actions, not words, the positive results of purging (more time to spend as a family, more room to walk through your bedroom, a bathtub you can actually bathe in that was previously used to store junk).

6. Be patient. This will take time.

I want to help. I’d love to pray for you and your husband if you’d like (leave a comment or e-mail me). And I’d love to share some marriage resources with you for as cheap (or free) as I can give them.

If you’d like a free copy of From Blushing Bride to Wedded Wife (some good, fun marriage advice), just paypal me $3 for shipping, and I’ll send it to you.

If you’d like a free copy of The Husband’s Guide to Getting Lucky, e-mail me, and I’ll send you a link.

If you’d like a copy of Blushing Bride + Is That All He Thinks About? for $10.01 (including shipping), paypal me, and I’ll send them both to you.

They can’t solve all your marriage problems, but they can definitely give you some new perspective and some ideas to implement.

Any concerns you have with what I’ve said or other tips you’d like to share? (I’ll randomly choose one commenter to receive a free copy of all 3 books + $0 shipping.)

I would love to finish strong with this purging series, but I’m running out of ideas. And I’m afraid there were at least 2-3 things that I said I’d address that I haven’t yet (and now I forget what they were!).

So, if you have some pressing purging questions, let me know, and I’ll try to answer some of them in the five days we have left. Four actually, because Day 31 doubles as my birthday (okay, triples as Halloween), and I think we should have a PAR-TAY.

Speaking of Halloween, here’s a really good post about fair trade alternatives for trick-or-treat. May your pumpkin bucket overflow with Mike & Ike’s.

So, tell me what you want to know, and I’ll see what I can come up with (or steal from someone more brilliant than me). Oh! I just remembered one of your questions: what do I do if my spouse isn’t on board with the whole purging thing? I’ll answer that one tomorrow.

What else ya got?

Numbers 1 through 4 can be found here. Speaking of t-shirts, here’s my newest one from World Vision. Now, jumping right in so you’re not here all day.

But first, a warning: I am only scratching the very tip-top surface of some of this stuff today. There is just sooooooo much to know and learn and discover and apply to our lives. PLEASE try not to get overwhelmed.

Remember Idea #1: Pray for wisdom. Ask God to show you where to start, how to start, and how much to do at a time.

Here we go.

5. Have a party.

I’ll admit it. I don’t like parties. Well, the parties where people sell stuff. I’ve hosted ONE in my lifetime, and it was only because I love my friend Shalla dearly and wanted to help her support her family.

But parties where you sell jewelry and bags and other crafts made by impoverished and/or trafficked women from around the globe? Oh my word. AWESOME.

Here are some organizations that you can host a party for: One Mango Tree (Uganda–that’s where my bag in my profile pic is from), Timbali Crafts (Swaziland–more on that in #6), Women At Risk International, Woven Joy, and so many, many more. Please link to any you know of!

6. Spend your money more purposefully.

I definitely need to research this one more. Several of you have asked me recently how you can know what stuff is fair trade and what’s not. Oh, that’s tough. I know that information is out there. I just need to carve out some time to gather it. (If anyone has helpful links/resources, let me know!) Heather Hendrick is awesome about finding out stuff like this. Here’s a link to all her posts she’s categorized under Fair Trade. And here are the ones under Feel Good Shopping.

This weekend I met an incredible gal named Suzanne who has been to Swaziland and now is a distributor for Timbali Crafts, which is made up of 90 Swazi women who serve as cooks for 2600 children a day at 14 different care points. These women are widows and single grandmothers, and making these crafts helps them support themselves and their families (more on this to come in a later post! so exciting!).

There’s also the Advent Conspiracy. I love, love, love this idea of putting a stop to the consumerism and materialism this Christmas and giving to those in need.

Christmas is the perfect time to give a beautiful gift handcrafted by someone who really needs the money. As opposed to Wal-Mart who will be just fine without your $25 (or $250).

7. Search out women to pray for.

Some of my favorite women to pray for are the gals at Heartline Haiti. We started the Prayer Doulas awhile back, and even though we’ve slacked off, there are still lots and lots of expectant mamas in Haiti who desperately need our prayers. And what an honor to pray them through their pregnancies, deliveries, and those early days, weeks, and months of motherhood.

I’ll have lots of names and faces for you to pray for while we’re in Cambodia. And I’d love to feature others you can pray for as well.

8. Volunteer somewhere.

As I told my friends in Michigan, the public schools are one of the most important places you can volunteer. My girls and I are reading buddies one morning a week for an hour at an inner-city school here in Columbus. And after we get back from Cambodia, we’re going to volunteer for an hour a week at the elementary school right here in our neighborhood. There is so much need, and the teachers are so overwhelmed. Kids are hungry and hurting, and it’s impossible for their teachers, no matter how loving and hard-working, to give them all the attention they need (educationally and otherwise).

There are also crisis pregnancy centers, women’s shelters, food banks, local libraries, and all kinds of other places that meet the needs of the community. I’d love to hear about some of the creative ways you’re serving your neighbors.

9. Develop relationships.

I’ve heard it said that we say we love the poor, but we don’t really know the poor. Make a serious effort to get to know someone poor. I dare you to ask God to present you with an opportunity. I believe with all my heart that he’ll knock you down with his answer.

10. Share your story.

Have you gone through a divorce, been abused, had an abortion, or been trapped in sexual sin or a painful addiction? Do you have any idea how much your story could encourage someone going through the same thing?

A beautiful gal named Krista shared her painful story with us at the retreat, and it had such an impact on so many. She’s still right in the thick of it in so many ways, but her day-by-day trust in God is so powerful. There is hope!

Even if your story isn’t very dramatic, God can absolutely use it. Pray and ask him for an opportunity to use something you’ve gone through/are going through to encourage someone else–and maybe even share the gospel.

11. Share a meal or cookies or whatever.

I’m thinking of neighbors in particular here. Just taking the opportunity to bless someone when they least expect it. Reaching out of your comfort zone and getting to know someone. The holidays offer a perfect excuse to share a dozen cookies or some other treat.

Invite a neighbor over for dinner. I think it’s crazy (and sad) that very few of my neighbors have ever actually been inside my home, and we’ve lived by each other for five years now.

12. Sell something you have and give away the money.

I won’t elaborate on this one. You can look back through our purging series for ideas.

13. Start a ministry.

Dream big. If there’s something you want to do, and you don’t see anyone already doing it, start your own thing. You don’t have to be a bigwig to start a ministry. You just need a big heart, big faith, and the go-ahead from God. So again, lots of time in prayer (seeing a theme here?).

14. Take something out of your schedule.

I think busyness is one of the devil’s most favorite tools to wield against us. It’s slick, sly, and works like a charm. Many kinds of busy are unavoidable (full-time job, taking care of littles, etc). Other kinds are not (TV, Facebook, romance novels). If nothing else, you definitely have time to pray. You can do that while nursing, changing diapers, washing dishes, driving, laundry…

Start small. Sacrifice 30 minutes a week. Do something for others instead of (fill in the blank).

15. Take a trip.

Lots of debate going on about short-term mission trips doing more harm than good. Again, I don’t have time to get into it right now. Here are a couple links. But goodness, I just can’t tell you what it does to your heart when you see poverty and suffering with your very own eyes.

16. Donate or sell your talents.

The sky’s the limit here. What can you do (most likely from the comfort of your own home) to earn a little extra money? Or what do you know how to make/do that would benefit someone directly?

Ideas: my sister makes banners and donates part of the proceeds to Asia’s Hope. She’s also making banners for me to take to several orphanages in Cambodia. I met a lady in Michigan who loves to knit. She knits baby blankets for little ones in need and is going to knit some hats for kiddos in the schools that might not have warm winter clothing.

What other ideas do you have?

And let me send you off with a simple 5-step plan for loving the poor.

1. Pray hard. 2. Pick one. 3. Start small. 4. Dream big. 5. Find joy.