love hurts

Does anyone know how to ponder deep thoughts and live simply and follow Jesus (like reeeeeally follow Jesus) and love others (like aaaaall the people, even the ones you really don’t want to love) and make the most of every opportunity, etc., etc., without getting/staying all melancholy?

I know it comes with the territory of being a roller coaster girl. High highs, low lows. And honestly, I’m not really all that low right now. Not at all. Just reading posts like this one from Tara (where she talks about leaving behind family and friends to follow God’s call in Haiti). And this book for the third time. And thinking about how much I want to be/do/give to help the poor but also how comfortable I like to be.

Just stuff like that.

I’m ready to be in Cambodia. I can’t wait for my “this” family and my “that” family to finally meet. I can’t wait to hug my friend Keri‘s neck and spend a week (including Christmas morning!) with her, her husband, and their two boys. I can’t wait to meet my friend Yvonne and shower her with coconut M&M’s. I can’t wait to just love on–and be loved by–so many beautiful brown people that I fell madly in love with last July and have been missing ever since.

Like this darling boy who calls me Mommy Marla and signs his e-mails, “Your son, Sophann.”

And these beautiful girls (Srey Roth and Longdich). Oh my word, how I love them!! I love all these kiddos, but from the minute I met Longdich, there was just this special little something between us.

And this awesome kid. I’m old enough to be his mother, but I prefer to think of him as a (much) younger brother. And I can’t wait to meet Panha’s mom, dad, and brothers (and his dad’s new tuk-tuk)!

I think I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed by all the love I have for so many people scattered all over the world. And the fact that the more you open up your heart to love, the more pain you have to allow in as well. There are always good-byes (sometimes temporary, sometimes forever), people grow up or move away, it’s hard.

But so worth it.

And for the rest of my days on this earth, I want to love all I can with everything in me. And I think Jesus would give my plan two thumbs up.

7 thoughts on “love hurts

  1. Keri

    I can’t wait either. That trip is going to get all up in my business and all I can say is BRING IT ON!!! We must Skype soon….we have much to talk about!

  2. ellen

    It might come in handy that you and your husband have talents that can be dealt with on a computer – would love to read an e-book created in and about Cambodia!!!

  3. kendal

    i know this ache – the wanting to be there (dominican republic for me) with elizabeth and tina and julian. i want to help their church and school. but i want air conditioning and regular food too. what kind of person am i???? it’s hard. but so worth it, like you said.

    1. ellen

      isn’t it wonderful that God can give us both desires and outlets for both – We in the U.S. and so very blessed that we can go and do and live in this country – He provides means to go between the two places with an ache for both that He can calm

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