Gabe had his yearly check-up with his cardiologist this week, and he said everything looks great. “Full speed ahead to Cambodia!” were his words, and we received them with great relief and joy.
Time’s a tickin’ and, now that the bedbugs have met their demise (We had our heat treatment yesterday. Thank you, Jesus!), we can focus our efforts on this Move to Cambodia thing. Which includes lots of Making the Most of Our Last Months with Neighbors, Friends, and Family things.
Exciting. Tiring. Bittersweet.
I find myself shaking my head and wondering if this is all for real, or if I’m going to wake up one morning and find out it’s not. We’ve waited so long (coming up on three years) for this dream to come true, and now that it has? Eek! A little bit of panic. Twinges of sadness. Wondering if it’s all going to turn out okay. Wondering if we really want to leave our comfort zone after all.
And I’ll tell you who’s the most Gung-Ho Cambodia! in our family right now. Mr. Gabe. He’s sending e-mails and making phone calls and doing research and keeping lists of websites in Evernote and making business/ministry connections.
And I sometimes just stare at him in awe and pinch myself and hug him.
When we tell people about Cambodia, he’s usually the one to do most of the talking and vision-casting and explaining how we’re going to take our time and learn and wait for God to show us how he wants to use us over there.
I can’t even.
The Dancing Elephants are making cards like they’re going out of style. (Buy some here!) The girls are squeezing in as many games of neighborhood kickball as humanly possible. Today we spent a few hours putting our apartment back together (we had to remove a lot of stuff before they jacked up the temps to 160 in here) and purging. Yes, purging.
We’re giving away lots of things and finding a few things we can sell. We’re working on a new home for Atlas, our tortoise (anyone want to adopt him?). We’re hanging out with neighbors and getting ready to start tutoring again in two weeks. We’re scheming and dreaming up banners we want my sister to make for us before we go (Banners by Bethany is back in business!).
We’re praying about having people support us while we’re there and figuring out what all we need before we leave (suitcases, shots, new passports for the girls, some plane tickets, maybe some health insurance, Gabe’s meds, shoes for girls with big feet that might be hard to find in Cambodia, etc). Hustling with freelance jobs to pay off Ava’s orthodontist and the last $3500 of Gabe’s school bill.
And sometimes I struggle with doubt and fear. It feels like we’re in a groove here, like we’re needed, important. Will we be needed and important in Cambodia? (I don’t know, but guess what–that’s not what matters.)
Sometimes I get scared that the culture shock will be too much, that it will be too hard to get around and whatever over there. That I will cry myself to sleep every night, that I’ll never be able to speak Khmer.
Sometimes I’m afraid everyone will forget us and when we come back to visit, they’ll just look at us blankly.
Sometimes I’m afraid of everything we’ll miss out on here while we’re there.
But then God just whispers in my ear, “I’ve got this.”
And Gabe whispers in my other ear, “God’s got this.”
And I can take a big breath and relax. I can Keep Calm and Purge On. I can rest and trust and work hard and make memories and look ahead to an exciting future.
God’s got this. And also? He’s going with me. Him and my four favorite people on the planet.
Let’s do this thing.