let's talk about little bit about s-e-x

Yesterday afternoon on the blog, I posed a question to married gals with e-readers: If a book entitled, Is That All He Thinks About? How to Enjoy Great Sex with Your Husband showed up on your Kindle or Nook and you found out it was a “gift” from your husband, how would you feel about it?

Excited? Embarrassed? Offended? Irritated? Shocked? Amused?

I wasn’t at all surprised by the results (and yes, I appreciated all of your disclaimers–I already have the book! I love it! I’d be offended but then okay once I saw you wrote it!). Here’s an unofficial tabulation:

Amused won by a hair and excited was up there, but if you add up all the irritated + annoyed + offended + hurt, they blew all the other adjectives out of the stinking water.

Bottom line: no wife wants her husband to suggest (in such a blatant way) that their sex life isn’t anything to write home about.

But here’s the problem: for many (many, many) of us married folk, our sex lives are just that. Blah. Or worse than blah. Bad. Or painful. Or non-existent. For some of us, we know it’s like this, but we don’t know what to do about it. Some of us know, but we don’t care. Some of us think things are fine, because we’re having sex once every 3 months, and it’s working for us.

But what about our husbands?

If you know me much or you’ve read the book or heard The Sex Talk (most requested, by far, of any talk I’ve ever given), then you know I AM NOT PERFECT AND DON’T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS AND STRUGGLE WITH THIS JUST LIKE YOU. If you’re married to me, you could add a whole heck of a lot more to that list. In all-caps even. (please don’t, dear!)

But here’s the thing: I’m passionate about husbands and wives being on the same page sexually and enjoying life in the bedroom (and out).

Now, I’m not passionate about it like I’m passionate about loving the poor and human trafficking and Cambodia, but it’s one of my very top “peripheral” issues, if you will. And I’ll say this: it’s hard to be united with your husband in stuff like service and ministry if you aren’t firing on all cylinders in bed.

So, let’s say your husband would love for things to improve in the bedroom but has no idea how to go about it. What would you tell him? If your answer is, “Meet my needs first, then we’ll talk about the sex,” then I have an e-book for him: The Husband’s Guide to Getting Lucky. The premise of the e-book is to convince husbands that there’s a lot more to a good sex life than sex. He starts being the husband you need and want, and he might get more of what he needs and wants.

If, on the other hand, you’re willing to put your Big Girl Pants on and say, “Okay, so why am I insisting he meet my needs first, when my Need List is Santa-Claus long? What might happen if I met his one, single, solitary need first, and then we see how it goes from there?”

If you’re willing to entertain that outrageous notion for even a minute, may I suggest that Is That All He Thinks About? is for you. But you’ll have to buy it for yourself, because it won’t be received well if he buys it for you.

And I warn him of that in this excerpt from the beginning of The Husband’s Guide to Getting Lucky:

Can I let you in on a little secret? You don’t really need to read this book. There’s a better (read: easier) way to get what you want.

Can I interest you, sir, in a shortcut to getting lucky?

I thought you might just perk up at that.

What if I told you I could get you some great sex with your wife in ONE simple step instead of six? Oh, you’re going to like this.

Step 1.) Buy her a copy of my book, Is That All He Thinks About? Step 2.) There is no Step 2.

I’m not even kidding. Why should you be the one to read the book and work on improving your marriage (and ultimately your sex life) when she can read a book while you sit back in your recliner and watch football?

The title of Is That All He Thinks About? (ITAHTA from here on out) is deceiving. She’ll start reading, thinking it’s going to justify her annoyance with you for wanting sex all the time. Instead, it will (gently) encourage her to change her attitude toward you—and sex.
And there you have it. S-E-X as easy as P-I-E.

I know, I know, you think there might be a catch. Okay, maybe just a small one. The whole “hand-your-wife-a-book-and-encourage-her-to-read-it” thing might kind of maybe backfire on you. No, it will backfire. The book works best when she takes the initiative and “discovers” it on her own. You can help her with that though.

Have the book sent to her anonymously, ask one of her friends or family members (NOT your mother) to give it to her, casually mention it as you wash the dishes or change the baby’s diaper or vacuum behind the couches.

You know what? This might be more complicated than I thought. I’m sorry. Maybe you should just buy this book after all.

See, I told you I knew the survey results before I even took it. Hubby buying you the book = fail. But you buying the book? Is win-win-win-win-win. (and if you buy it for an e-reader, it’s easier to hide. wink wink.)

Whatcha waitin’ for, friend?

6 thoughts on “let's talk about little bit about s-e-x

  1. Rachelle

    I find you’re survey interesting. I’m wondering why the female population is so easily annoyed/hurt/etc anytime our husband men bring up anything about S-E-X?
    I think you have to keep talking about this,Marla! Don’t let us off the hook!! (:

    Married for 19 years ans still smiling

  2. Joy

    Thank you Marla, I have several copies of Is that all.. and give them out to our newlywed friends because I do not want their husbands to “need” the book. My prayer is that my husband will never need to buy a book for me to encourage our sex life. 🙂
    Thank you for being so honest about your life and what is happening with your family. You will never know what an encouragement you are to all the women who read your blog. Way to go Gabe with getting you started!

  3. Candice

    I’m so glad that you write about this frequently. As someone who hasn’t been married very long, it is an awesome encouragement for Godly women a few stages ahead to be open about this and have positive attitudes! Thanks!

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